It’s more than a stereotype. It’s a reality. Tarot readers from beginner to pro find themselves reading about love relationships; their own, their friends and their clients. This goes beyond tarot to include all methods of divination and psychic work. We employ many tools and techniques to help people understand each other, foresee when the right person might arrive, when a relationship isn’t worth trying to save, and when a person is actually ‘the one.’

I’ll speak from the perspective of tarot here, since that is the tool I prefer. However, what I am going to say applies to all attempts to predict the outcome of a new love relationship.

Also, truths about relationships apply whether the relationship is comprised of cisgender or transgender folks, or whether the relationship is same sex or opposite sex, or a couple or a polyamorous pod.

It is absolutely true that tarot, in the hands of a good reader, is an amazing tool to give us insight into our relationships. A good ‘couples reading’, while not therapy, can increase understanding and communication, and can offer new ways to grow as a partnership.

A tarot reading can help us navigate dating by taking unlikely fits off the table early, and by potentially predicting the timing of more interesting possibilities. A tarot reading can help us figure out what we want in a relationship and assess our readiness for love. A tarot reading can help us understand our feelings and give us an opportunity to figure out strategy in handling difficult situations. A tarot reading can help us heal from heartbreak, learn from our mistakes and look forward to the next adventure in love.

In all these ways, tarot has rightly earned its reputation as the panacea of the heartbroken and hopeful. In my book, Tarot Tour Guide, there is a whole section dedicated to using tarot to read for romantic relationships. However, after twenty-five years of fulltime professional reading, I have come to the conclusion that there is one question we just cannot answer with tarot, nor with any other psychic or predictive tool or method.

That question is, when asked at the beginning of a relationship, ‘Is this the one?’ That question can be phrased a lot of different ways, such as, ‘Will this definitely work out in the long run?’

When we speak of ‘the one,’ we are speaking of the one we want to marry, or the one we have been waiting for, or the one with whom we can share life in the long run. A complication to this is the number of people who absolutely believe that there is one particular person for whom they are destined, and whom they are destined for. This belief may cause someone to ask, ‘Is this my soulmate?’

While a spiritual connection or past life connection may appear in the cards, there would be no way to ascertain if there is a good long-term future with someone, even if that person appears to be a soul connection.

A great relationship, even in the beginning, does feel like destiny. It is possible there is spiritual intervention, or a sense of spiritual rightness, that makes a great relationship opportunity happen. It is also possible that we meet the same souls from lifetime to lifetime, causing us to feel a sense of connection, karma or destiny with a particular person, whether that turns out for good or for bad. Yet, the idea that in all of the seven billion people in the world there is only one that you can love, live with and make a life with doesn’t make mathematical sense.

The idea that our partnerships are ordained by a higher power and all we have to do is find the right one and the rest will be simple abdicates our personal power and responsibility in a way that feels unhealthy and unrealistic. There are times in life that we absolutely must trust a force great than our own. Our choices in relationships are very often times for us to be proactive rather than surrendered.

When people have a clear connection, attraction and desire to be together, and neither of those people are obviously seriously emotionally unhealthy or personality disordered, there is always a chance that they can build a life-long relationship.

Tarot can help people with strategies on how to do that in the healthiest, easiest way, and can point out the possible pitfalls along the way.

In the beginning, any relationship may feel like destiny, or seem spiritually ordained. Yet, love at first sight is only a good story when told many years later. That new relationship energy is powerful and causes us to feel things that may not stand the test of time.

Relationships develop over time. How they develop depend on the choices the individuals make every day. The possibilities are astronomical, and therefore, unpredictable.

I have seen love make crazy people sane. I have seen love develop in the most unlikely times and places, and between the most unlikely people. I have seen very well-matched couples lose their connection unexpectedly as priorities shift and communication breaks down.

If you and your tarot cards are faced with a question about the advisability of a relationship, or the long-term prognosis of a new relationship, you can get helpful information without trying to predict the unpredictable. More importantly, you can refrain from giving information that might cause a person to stay in an unhealthy relationship longer than they should, or that might cause someone to walk away from something with actual potential. Instead, you can give helpful information about navigating the emotions, personalities, and possibilities at hand.

The best method I have found for this is to either create a custom spread, or to ask a series of questions and pull a card or two in answer to each question.

Whether using a spread or a dialogue method, the type of questions would be the same.

When reading about the future of an exciting new relationship, here are some examples of the questions that will yield the most helpful information.

Who is this person?

(It’s good to pull a few cards for this question. Look for personality traits, issues and concerns in the cards you pull).

How does this person feel about the relationship?

What does this person hope for from this relationship?

(I know some people have an ethical issue about divining other people’s feelings. My take is that we are constantly speculating about what other people are thinking and feeling. Speculating with tarot at least gives us a basis that can keep us grounded and healthy in our thinking.)

What is the potential for compatibility between these people?

What personality flaws/quirks does this person have that could make a relationship difficult?
(With this sort of question, it is good to do a card or cards for each person in the relationship.)

What is the worst-case scenario that could arise from this relationship?

What is the best-case scenario that could arise from this relationship?

What can be done to mitigate likely problems in the relationship?

What can be done to foster the best aspects of this relationship?

Spiritually, why is this person in your life? Why are you in this person’s life?

What is the reason for, or the source of, the strong connection we are feeling?

Generally, if we are asking if a new lover is ‘the one’ it’s because we don’t want to waste time on someone who isn’t. Perhaps we have been hurt in the past and want to avoid pain. Yet, even the best relationships can lead to heartbreak, and even the worst relationships sometimes bring us to where we need to be.

Tarot can often tell you if someone isn’t the one. The only thing that can tell you if someone is the one is the passage of time.