Ladies, are you an a-hole magnet? Do all the men you date turn out to be more into themselves than they are into you? If it happens once, it’s just dumb luck. But if it happens multiple times, there might be a reason.

One likely reason is quite simple. You are not attracted to very many guys, but the ones you are attracted to all have something in common.

You like dynamic, charismatic guys.

You like their charm, their power and their wit. And when they turn their attention to you it makes you melt inside.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. But here’s the problem.

Many (not all) dynamic, charismatic guys are narcissistic. That’s why so many politicians are jerks. It’s a problem for women who like dynamic men exclusively.

The good news is this.

There are a few guys in the world who are dynamic and charismatic and compassionate. It is possible, though rare, for a person to have both the qualities you like and the qualities you need to have a good relationship.

You generally can’t change what attracts you. But you can manage the pitfalls.

When you meet someone you are attracted to be aware of the huge chance that this person will treat you badly. Be open to the relationship, but look for the red flags. When you see the red flags appear, don’t waste time! You’ve been there before and you know where this is going.

The problem is that the type of guy you need is rare. You need to spend more time looking for him than you spend trying to make a doomed relationship work or recovering from the damage.

If you can quickly weed out the trash, you will have time to find the gem that is right for you.