A Small Messaging Problem with the Wonderful Tree Change Dolls

By Robert Bejil from Bakersfield, Ca, USA (Darnah 01) [CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons

Unless you live under a rock, one of the things that may have grabbed your attention on social media this week is the “Tree Change Dolls.” I know they grabbed mine.

“Tree Changes Dolls” are the brainchild of a family in Tasmania. The concept, as written on their Tumblr and Etsy sites, is simple.

The family combs local thrift shops and finds discarded fashion dolls. They give the dolls a more natural-looking make-over and sell each as a unique work of art, and as an improved toy for young girls.

The before-and-after pics of the dolls that are circulating the internet really highlight the vision and creativity behind the Tree Change Dolls.

I love upcycling, I love creativity and I love entrepreneurs. I love overnight social media success stories, like this one. One would think I would be completely in love with the Tree Change Dolls. The parenting world, and the feminist world, are lauding the Tree Change Dolls as a positive alternative for young girls.

I understand all that, and I appreciate it. However, for me, there is something a wee bit disturbing about the subtle marketing message of these dolls. Even more disturbing is the fact that few people seem to be seeing this message as questionable.

The vast majority of the dolls who get to become Tree Change Dolls are Bratz dolls. Bratz dolls have glitzy urban clothes and lots of makeup.

The “Tree Change” process takes the makeup off the dolls, and puts them in dowdy clothes. Now, apparently, according to the marketing, these dolls are able to play and explore and live in ways that their makeup and clothing prevented them previously.

Most folks agree that the Tree Change Dolls are a lot cuter than the original Bratz. Many parents dislike Bratz, feeling they promote a certain attitude that is undesirable in young girls. I find all fashion dolls a bit questionable, and wonder why Bratz earns the ire of parents who are happy to feed their daughters a constant diet of Barbie and Disney.  I’d take a sassy Bratz over a dishwater Disney Princess any day, and wonder if all the Bratz-hate is rooted anti-urban racism and classism.

As a child, I would have loved a cute Tree Change Doll much more than any fashion doll. As an adult, I, like many, have been concerned by the lack of ethnic diversity available in dolls, and the unrealistic expectations that fashion dolls like Barbie might create among young girls.

At the same time, taking the makeup and snazzy clothes off Bratz dolls and promoting the changes as wholesome improvements also sends an undesirable message.

In a way, this message is just as limiting to young girls as fashion dolls are.

Why can’t a person wear makeup and fashionable clothes and still be smart, athletic and fun?  Why can’t a fashionable urban girl love nature? Why does taking the makeup off a doll somehow make that doll more wholesome, more spiritual, more intelligent or more appropriate?

I really appreciate the creativity and talent behind the Tree Change Dolls. What I don’t appreciate is this subtle slut-shaming message.

To me, this message smacks of blaming the high heels, short skirt and lipstick for the rape. “If only the woman had been dressed more appropriately she would never have been attacked. She was asking for it!”

I recognize these dolls come from a different country than I do, and that I might not fully understand the cultural implications from an Australian perspective.

I also know that concern about how women dress themselves is an international issue of extreme political importance, unfortunately.

Like many people who love the Tree Change Dolls, I am concerned about the message that fashion dolls send to young girls. Unlike many people, I am also a bit concerned about this aspect of the message sent by Tree Change Dolls.

Women must be free to dress the way they want, without the judgment of others. Neither fashion dolls nor anti-fashion dolls really promote the idea that women get to choose how they present themselves.

The problem comes from the culturally-acceptable-but-truly-heinous idea that it is fine to judge a woman’s character, talent, intelligence and moral standing based on her outfit and makeup.

I’m not expecting a small family with a brilliant suddenly-booming cottage industry to change the world any more than they already are.  I think the Tree Change Dolls are inspired and lovely, and I wish them much success.

At the same time, I also wish they would stop suggesting that women who enjoy makeup and fashion are somehow less appropriate than women who don’t. To me, that seems a slippery slope toward legally-enforced fashion choices.

Women in many parts of the world are legally required to dress in certain ways. Don’t we make room for the attitude that demands that kind of subjugation when we judge women’s characters based on their clothes and makeup?

The Joy of a Hand-Written Letter

Woman Reading a Letter  circa 1664-1666, artist Gabriel Metsu, painting and representative photo public domain, currently on display National Gallery of Ireland.

Today I had an experience that has become unique. I received a letter in the mail. This was not a form letter nor a card, nor an email.

This was two pages neatly hand-written on lined paper, and mailed in an envelope with a stamp.

There was a time we all communicated this way over the miles. Now we have email, text, Skype and social media.

It’s probably obvious that the person who wrote the letter was over eighty years old. The last time I received such a great letter, it was from my late grandmother.

I always hated writing letters, and certainly don’t miss having to. But this lovely missive, filled with news, musings and ideas, made me long for a time when we all knew how to express ourselves this eloquently on paper, and took the time to do it.

I’ll treasure this letter. Who knows when I’ll receive another?

On the other hand, as much as I enjoyed the letter, I’m planning on acknowledging it with a phone call. As much as I love the concept of hand-written letters, I’m not going to try to start a retro-fad.  I wish someone would, though.

Capital Tacos: A Local Treasure

Photo: "01 Tacos al Pastor" by William Neuheisel - Flickr: Tacos al Pastor. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

In a land where corporate restaurant chains and franchises rule, you never know when or where you might find a unique restaurant that does something different and special.

I found a real treasure in a very unlikely place. On Land O’Lakes Boulevard in Land O’Lakes, tucked in a corner of a strip mall (easy to miss) is Capital Tacos.

Capital Tacos is a small restaurant with a big menu. Most of its business is take-out, but there are a few tables both inside and outside if you want to eat in. As tiny as the place is, the atmosphere is fun and friendly.

With all the taquerias in Florida, you have to make a great taco to be viable competition. Capital Tacos offers fresh Tex-Mex style tacos with a variety of fresh, creative fillings.  The entire menu is available as tacos, burritos, wet burritos, bowls, nachos or salad; even the breakfast tacos!

A few things set Capital Tacos apart from other taco joints.  First, the menu is exciting and extensive, with something for every taste, including the adventurous and the vegetarian. The food is fresh and healthy, but if you want, you can try something delicious that will make your doctor cry, like hand-cut potato chips with a bucket of queso dip.

Capital Tacos takes pride in cooking fresh ingredients from scratch, and making them available for a low price. I paid under thirty dollars for lunch for four hungry people. You can bet we’ll be back!

 

A Few Things I Learned from the Grateful Dead

If you follow the world of rock music at all, by now you know that the remaining “Core Four” of the original Grateful Dead will be playing three shows in Chicago this summer, a one-stop “tour” they’re calling “Fare Thee Well.” They say this will be last time they play together.

Suddenly, conversation between Grateful Dead aficionados, both online and at local nightclubs, begins with a single sentence. “Are you going to Chicago?”

For me, the answer is no.

It wasn’t a decision I had to struggle to make. As much as I would love to see the boys one more time, and as much as l love the full line up, which includes Trey Anastasio and Bruce Hornsby, three days in Chicago just don’t fit into my summer plans.

Years ago, I thought nothing of traveling across the country in a beat-up van to camp in a parking lot with hopes of procuring a miracle ticket to a sold-out show. Now, my time has quite a few more demands on it.

Living as a Deadhead in the 1980s taught me a lot. It was there I learned to read tarot; the craft that became my life’s work.

The hardest thing about building my tarot career, in the beginning, was getting people to understand that tarot reading could be a legitimate job. If I hadn’t spent the prior decade making a life of following the Grateful Dead, I never would have had the courage and stamina to believe I could make a career of tarot.

For many, Grateful Dead shows were simply an excuse to party. For others, the lyrics of Hunter, Garcia and the rest, and the impromptu traveling circus that tour became, taught some important spiritual lessons.

I live the life I do today because of the lessons I learned from my time with the Grateful Dead. Frankly, I’m too busy living that life to spend every night in a club listening to Dead cover bands (as much as I enjoy them), or to devote time and resources to a trip to Chicago.

What did I learn from the Dead?  Here are five of the countless spiritual lessons that guide my life. I know Rumi guides some of my peers. I like Rumi, too, but these modern poets speak to my heart like no other.

“Sometimes we live no particular way but our own.”

This lyric from “Eyes of the World’, reminds me that, in a world that demands conformity, I can still live the way I choose.

“There is a fountain that was not made by the hands of man.”

This lyric, from “Ripple”, reminds me of the constant presence of the spiritual force that shapes our world.

“I’m still walking, so I’m sure that I can dance.”

From “Saint of Circumstance”, I remember that I am able, physically and emotionally, even after strife and struggle, to dance.

“If you get confused, listen to the music play.”

Music often celebrates itself. In this line from “Franklin’s Tower”, I find the solution to many problems can be found while listening to, or playing, music. Music is truly a spiritual thing – even on a cellular level, we respond to tone. When we play, dance or sing together, we feel a spiritual bond in community.

“The Music Never Stopped.”
From the song of the same name, I take this on many different levels. This may be the last time the boys play together, but the music never will stop. In towns all across the country, and even the world, there are hardworking musicians playing in tribute to the Dead. What was set in motion back in the 1960s has changed with each decade, but it will never stop. Kids who were too young to see Jerry on stage now sing the songs.

It’s a metaphor for life, too. Everything changes, but the cycles continue. The music never stops.

Have a fabulous time in Chicago, my brothers and sisters. I think that the months leading up to this will be fun for everyone.  The music that comes out of it will last forever.

The boys may never play together again, but the music will never stop.

Inspirational Ants

We can find so much inspiration in nature. Who doesn’t find awe in a beautiful sunset, or wonder at a brave crocus pushing up through the snow?

So often, though, we find our inspiration more in the flora and fauna that we find aesthetically pleasing. Some other of God’s creatures are more like to irritate us, than inspire us.

Recently I found inspiration from a colony of fire ants!

If you have ever been to Florida, you may have encountered fire ants.  They swarm and sting – they are not pleasant. Step barefoot on a hill and you may end up with a swarming boot of stinging ants.

I have an ongoing war against the fire ants in my yard. Recently, I had to concede that the fire ants had something to teach me.

Near my back door, I have some solar lights that are round glass globes on short metal poles. I had noticed the ants had built a hill at the base of one of the poles. Then, I noticed they had some something remarkable.

When I looked at the globe, I  I couldn’t see the light anymore. That’s because the globe was full of sand and ants.  This colony of ants had worked together to transport sand, grain by grain, up the pole and into the globe. They had built a high-rise condo for themselves. All I could think of was a train of ants carrying sand and singing the theme song from “The Jeffersons”! They really were “moving on up.”

Yes, I will have to replace the light, but I can’t really be angry. The teamwork, planning and determination this community of tiny creatures has demonstrated astounds me. If tiny little ants can work together and accomplish this, what could we accomplish together if we tried? I can’t even bring myself to destroy the colony just yet – I’m too proud of their accomplishment.

Well played, ants.

Stop Trying to be a Good Person!

We often mentally divide our world into “good people” and “bad people.” We want to be good people. We fear bad people. We try to raise children that turn into good human beings.

We struggle with self-esteem, worried that those around us will discover that, underneath our attempts at goodness, a bad person lurks.

When our kids are small, we teach them good behavior, but “being good” and “good behavior” are not the same thing as being a good person.

The idea that people, rather than behaviors, can be good or bad, is a harmful myth that is long overdue for busting.

What makes a person good, or bad, in our opinions? It’s pretty subjective, and entirely related to culture and context.

You can’t be good or bad at being human. You simply are human, capable of amazing courage, creativity, kindness, generosity, greed, callousness and cruelty.

There will always be people we like, and people we don’t like.  There will always be people who do things we like, and people who do things we don’t like.

There are hurt people, ignorant people, and fearful people. We call these “bad people.” Sometimes they do things we don’t like. Sometimes they do things that hurt others.

There are healed people, thinking people, and charitable people.  We call these “good people”. These people do things we like, and try to help people.

 We can be good at the things we do. We can do good things for the world. We can handle situations badly. We can do things that have bad consequences.  We can have good intentions that result in bad outcomes. None of that is the same as being a good person, or a bad person.

Instead of striving to be good, and worrying that we are bad, let’s strive to be authentic. Let’s work to release the things that hurt us. Let’s cultivate joy. Let’s raise our children to be curious, appreciative and responsible.

Rather than fearing the people that we believe to be bad, or fearing that we, ourselves, are bad, let’s recognize that fear itself is the source of most of the badness in the world.

We are all good humans, because to be good at being human, you simply have to be born.

Perhaps we would all do better at living on the planet if we accepted the flawed beauty of our humanity as the miracle that it is. Perhaps if we stop trying to be “good” and instead focus on being “healed” we’ll have fewer hurt people in the world.

“Good” and “bad” are subjective judgments that don’t mean much of anything, especially in describing people.  When we strive to be good, we are striving for a meaningless and unattainable goal. When we strive for healing and growth, when we work to be authentic, to be kind, to be strong and to be creative, we become capable of doing great things.  We succeed, and we become the people that help the world evolve.

An Open Letter to Self-Published Creatives

Dear Artists, Authors and Inventors,

I am writing from my perspective as a member of the tarot community. However, I believe most communities function in pretty much the same way. If you are a self-published creative in any community, or want to be, please pay attention.

Twenty years ago, we called self-publishing “vanity press.” To pay to publish your own work was usually a waste of time and money. Technology changes everything. Today, self-publishing is a viable option for a wide range of creative people.

The success of your self-published project depends a great deal on your ability to market your project. To do that, you will need to reach out to members of a community. You will need to connect with other entrepreneurs who produce podcasts, webcasts, vlogs and blogs. You need interviews, and you need reviews.

We vloggers, bloggers and reviewers need you, too.

At a certain point, I realized I had gained some notoriety for my webcasts and reviews, because my inbox began filling up with introductions from creative people, essentially asking me to promote their work.

That’s not as bad as it sounds. I need interesting people to interview, and new products to review. Every professional community is symbiotic in that way. We have to work together. We can support each other, and lift each other up, or we can tear each other down.

When you approach members of a professional or hobbyist community to ask for support for your project, everyone’s experience will be better if you keep a few things in mind.

First, we are a community. Many of us have known each other for years, even though many of us have never met in person. If you send an impersonal cut-and-paste form letter to each of us, we will know. If you want to send an email blast to people you don’t know to announce your new project, just don’t.

If you want my time, take some time to build a relationship with me. You don’t have to buy me dinner or send me flowers. You do have to send me a personal email, not a copy-and-paste request. Understand the value of community, and of relationships. If I like your work, I will introduce you to my friends. That is how it has always worked IRL (in real life). That is how it works in cyberspace, too. We all want and deserve this basic human courtesy.

Here’s a true story. Recently, many of us received the same email request regarding a new project. My friends and peers smelled a spammy rat right away. My reaction was different. I was excited about the project and forgave the heavy-handed approach. Well, without any further contact, and without my request or permission, they added me to their official spam mailing list! I had no choice. I withdrew my support from a project that had really excited me. My friends had been right all along. Yum, yum, crow.

Ultimately, whether your bad internet manners are a result of naiveté or intentional spamming doesn’t matter. Your poor results will be the same. You see, we all have mailing lists, too. We are very careful to make sure we don’t spam people with our mailing lists. That you don’t show this same courtesy and restraint shows us we don’t want to work with you. Behavior matters.

Here’s another true story. I was doing weekly webcasts on a Livestream channel. Over the course of a week, I received two emails, each from people hoping to promote their self-published creation. One was very demanding about his requirements for the interview; even though he was the one requesting it! I expressed my enthusiasm for his project, and explained the constraints of my production schedule. The reply I received was abusive, beginning with the phrase, “You are an idiot.” To this day, I have heard nothing more about this project.

The other person who approached me was very polite in his initial email. When I responded by inviting him to be a guest on my show, he was appreciative. We had a wonderful interview. His project has become a successful reality, and he is now working on a follow-up project. This time I’ll reach out to him with a request for an interview.

Please don’t misread me. I am not saying that my webcast is a star-maker. I am saying that the attitude of the artist matters. To promote your work, you have to make the rounds. There are more shows looking for guests than you can imagine. Bring a good attitude, and you will be on every show and in every blog. Bring a bad attitude and very few of us will want to talk with you.

In any community, there can be a few talented people with difficult personalities. Most people are forgiving enough to appreciate talent and excuse a few social faux pas, thank goodness. However, for most of us, there is a saturation point. If you irritate enough people, you will have a hard time finding any peers who are interested in your work, no matter how good you work might be. This isn’t usually an organized community-wide blacklist, it’s just something that happens. What you learned on the elementary school playground remains true to this day. If you don’t play nicely, no one will want to play with you.

The ability to interact with creative people is one of the great perquisites of my job. Like many of my friends and peers, I will gladly review your project and promote your Kickstarter. We are all in this together.  I can support a friend. I can support a community member. I can support great art. I can’t support an egomaniac, or a spammer. I can’t support an entrepreneur who doesn’t take the time to learn basic internet courtesy. I think you will find many of us feel the same way.

Trikes for Grownups!

Are you looking for something interesting to put on your holiday gift list? Adult tricycles are becoming more popular for the boomer generation.

Unlike the trikes we rode when we were toddlers, adult trikes have three wheels that are all the same size. Most adult trikes have a sizable basket in the back. That’s my favorite part. I use that basket for laundry, tarot cards, musical instruments, and anything else you can imagine.

I first noticed adult trikes when we moved to Florida. Immediately I knew I wanted one. As I did some research, I learned that the adult tricycle is not a new phenomenon. In fact, I spent $5 at a yard sale to buy the carcass of a “Western Flyer” from the 1950s.

After much consideration, I decided it would be easier to get a brand new trike than to try to rehabilitate the antique Western Flyer.

There are a surprising number of adult trikes from which to choose, and seemingly more on the market every day. You can get a three-speed, a six-speed or a fixie. You can get wheel sizes from 20 inches to 26 inches. You can even get a canopy to shade you from the fierce Florida sun as you pedal to your water aerobics class.

The trike I chose for my first trike (yes, there will be others) is a Schwinn Meridian in Wild Cherry Red. I understand these are very popular in third-world countries for basic transportation to work. We could learn a lot from third world ingenuity.

We ordered the trike online, so it needed assemby. In the picture, you can see my dear husband added some bows and balloons to his stellar assembly job. The trike was waiting to great me when I arrived home from my trip to Connecticut.

It is also possible to purchase high-end trikes from bike shops. The top of the line is the Miami Sun, but there is a wide range of other options, too.

Adult trikes are perfect for those who need to carry more than a two-wheeler will allow. They are also great for folks whose sense of balance isn’t quite what it used to be.

For fun, transportation and exercise, the adult trike makes a lot of sense!

Holiday Season, Florida Style

Here in Florida, “season” is much more important than “the seasons.”  Season begins as the weather turns cooler. Folks start arriving from Canada, Michigan, New York, Ohio and all points north. Florida roads have almost as many RVs on them as they do cars.

Season doesn’t come in to full swing until January, but there is a moment when the seasonal season and the holiday season coincide. Christmas barbeques and holiday boat parades become the order of the day. Colored lights wrap around palm trees, and people wear their Santa hats to the beach.

In the years I contemplated making the move from the Northeast to Florida, I wondered how the holiday season would be, in a land that doesn’t snow. It turns out, we have snowfall events that feature soapflake snow and ice skating on plastic “ice”. We even ironically wear sweaters that say “Let it Snow.”

As the snowbirds arrive to begin our Florida winter season, the excitement in the air is palpable. There are stories to share, friendships to renew and people to meet.

There is a whole season of activities to plan; the first of which involve the celebration of the holidays, Florida style.

This is my seventh holiday season in Florida. I’ve been to Winter Solstice drum circles on the beach, and celebrated the New Year by jumping into the ocean. I’ve eaten Christmas Dinner on a picnic table.

It’s not the holiday season of my youth, and hot chocolate doesn’t have the same allure when it’s not freezing out, but I’ll take it.

If you need me, I’ll be stringing colored lights on my adult-sized tricycle, getting reading for the holiday golf cart parade.

Food from the Sky

After moving to Florida, my family started joking that avocados were the “zucchini of the South.” Up north, at a certain time of year, people’s gardens produce so many zucchinis they have a hard time finding homes for all of them.

As it turns out, avocados are only one of the luscious treats that literally fall from the sky here in Florida. We also have loquats, mangos, coconuts, carambola, and papaya.

Just the other day I ate a papaya that I grew myself. In my front yard is a papaya tree laden with fruit. When we first moved here a little over a year ago, a neighbor gave me a small papaya tree – just a stick to put in the ground, really. I made my daughter’s boyfriend dig the hole for it. I didn’t expect much.

Now I see what a gift a fruit tree really is. The tree has grown tall and is producing shade, fruit, and admiration from the neighbors.

I actually didn’t have the courage to eat the fruit myself. I am trained to only eat things that come from stores. My friend was happy to try one of my papaya for breakfast. When it didn’t kill her, I decided it was worth a shot.

I am sure there was a time in history when most people had the experience of eating something we grew with our own hands.  Now, this is a rare thing for many of us.

The sense of satisfaction and connection to the great cycle of life that comes from eating food directly from the tree is immense.

Here in Florida, we have corrupt politicians and crazy news stories. We also have food that grows year round in our yards.  Living in Florida can be a struggle in some ways. There are things, like papaya trees, that seem to make it worthwhile.