It’s a common stereotype. The lovelorn flock to the tarot table for advice, hope and understanding in matters of love. Like most stereotypes, there’s some truth there. Relationship issues are painful and confusing. A good tarot reading can help sort that stuff out.

I don’t believe that people need to be partnered to be happy. But if you want a partner and can’t find one, or if you are constantly disappointed in love, it might be time to make some changes. Surprisingly, sometimes it seems that romantic ideals and beliefs get in the way of building real relationships. Here are three ways we often let romance get in the way of love.

1. Do you confuse chemistry with destiny? “I loved him at first sight” or “I truly believe we are meant to be together” is something that you can say only in retrospect. If you felt the chemistry immediately and you are still together after twenty years you can make those statements. If you are saying these things about the person you’ve dated for six months you may be confusing a powerful attraction for a destined relationship. It’s just too soon to know if what you are feeling is a sense of destiny or just a sense of chemistry. And, chemistry alone does not a relationship make.

2. Do you believe that everyone has the same inherent understanding of love? “He told me he loves me, so I know he’ll never look at another girl.” If you are in a serious relationship, make sure you each spell out what love means to you, and the responsibilities you feel are incumbent upon those who are in love. Don’t assume anything. Love means different things to different people.

3. Can you tell the difference between being in love with a person and being in love with the idea of being in love? There are a lot of romantics in the world who love the idea of a relationship, who love the feeling of a new relationship but have a really hard time doing the work an actual relationship requires. If this is you, you will have a lot of work to do before you are ready for a real relationship. Your romantic notions don’t leave room for the reality of an actual relationship.
   And, if this describes the person who just dumped you out of the blue after promising you the world, now you know why.

Romance is a wonderful thing. But if you base your actions and expectations of a love relationship on romantic fiction your results will never be the happily-ever-after of books and movies. Love is a true and powerful force. Sometimes romance helps that force along, and sometimes romance gets in the way.