Set Boundaries with Your Abusive Family
Set Boundaries with Your Abusive Family
In American culture, and in many cultures across the world, our connection to our immediate family members is considered very important. We often hear people say that they are very ‘family-oriented,’ or that their family is their priority.
When family members are helpful to each other and support each other, this is a wonderful thing. When family members enjoy each other’s company, this can be one of life’s greatest blessings.
Sometimes, though, people are born into families where they just don’t seem to fit in. Some family cultures are truly unhealthy. We must accept that every family has its own dysfunction, that’s normal and fine. Yet, some families are defined by alcoholism, abuse, narcissism, misogyny, fundamentalism or other pervasive behaviors. This can make participation with the family truly dangerous for the family member who is miraculously healthy enough to see the problems and want to do better in their own life.
Sadly, I see a fair amount of this in the tarot community. There are many talented tarotists whose families are too narrow-minded to accept their kid’s interests, spiritual path and psychic gifts. I think it is important, if this is your situation, to recognize that that sort of narrowmindedness is irrational, and constitutes abuse.
We often say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, that children are usually very much like their parents. That’s not always true. Even the most destructive family can produce a healthy, constructive individual.
If you happen to be that person, you may feel a responsibility to be ‘close’ to your abusive family. You may feel like you are the odd one, or the crazy one. You may feel responsible to clean up the messes made by your destructive family. You may feel guilty when you try to set boundaries with your family, or when you try to honor who you are, rather than who your family wants you to be.
If you are a person whose family is abusive rather than helpful, or diminishing rather than supportive, know that you have only one responsibility, and that is to keep yourself emotional healthy.
Usually, the only way to be emotionally healthy in this situation is to have good boundaries, even when your family tries to push those boundaries.
Only you can say what those boundaries should be, and only you can enforce them. Even though your family can’t see it, you have a special gift. Be grateful that you are able to see your family’s dysfunction for what it is. Be grateful for your own wellbeing.
Don’t feel guilty for having a good life, with or without your family of origin.
