Why Didn’t My Cord-Cutting Ritual Work?

Why Didn’t My Cord-Cutting Ritual Work?

Of all of my many blog posts, one of the most popular has been my piece on how to perform a cord-cutting, from August of 2013. I receive emails about this topic at least a few times a month.

That tells me there are a whole lot of people out there trying to heal from broken relationships, break bad habits and survive dysfunctional families.

If you haven’t read the article, here’s the brief synopsis. A cord-cutting ritual is an easy bit of energy work you can do to release a dysfunctional relationship, be that a love relationship, a friendship or a toxic family situation. You can even do a cord-cutting to release your own unhealthy behavior or belief.

One thing I sometimes hear from people is that they have performed the cord-cutting ritual but still feel attached to the person or behavior they are trying to release. Another thing I hear are reports of unscrupulous psychic scammers taking advantage of people’s pain by performing cord-cutting rituals for exorbitant prices. These scammers often say (erroneously) that one cannot and should not perform these rituals for themselves.

If you have done a cord-cutting to release a friend, family member, lover or behavior, and haven’t yet received the results you wanted, here are some things to consider.

First, sometimes it takes more than one ritual to release the energy that binds you. This is especially true if the relationship is familial or lengthy. Don’t hesitate to do the ritual every day for seven days, or once a week for as many weeks as feels right.

Second, you need to do your part by refraining from re-engaging with this person or repeating your behaviors. Whatever energy you feed is the energy that will grow. If you keep speaking with a person you are trying to release, for example, your cord-cutting is like to be ineffectual.

Emotional habits take a while to break. If you are used to thinking about someone, or responding to their manipulation, over a long period of time, you will still have some desire to continue this pattern. The cord-cutting will ultimately help you wipe away this energy. While that energetic process begins the moment you perform the ceremony, you may not feel its effects right away. Be patient with the energy work and be patient with yourself.

Finally, cord-cutting cannot take the place of grief. Cord-cutting can give you the strength to move on and can help release an unhealthy compulsion. Yet, anything that has an energy strong enough to require cord-cutting will also require a grieving period. Do not confuse grief with the desire to reconnect. Grief expresses the disappointment that the person you cared about can’t be who and what you needed them to be. Grief is natural and necessary at the end of a relationship. We must move through grief rather than try to avoid it.

There is energy work that you can do to help you handle your grief. There are meditations, stones, herbs and oils that can help give you strength, remember your joy and find your grounding as you go through your process.

Unhealthy relationships usually have a lot of guilt associated with them. Never does that guilt feel as strong as when we decide to break away. We need to recognize guilt as part of the manipulation that made the relationship unhealthy. Guilt can also be borne of our unrealistic expectations of how we should be, or how our relationships should be.

While cord-cutting can’t relieve our grief, cord-cutting can be very effective at helping us release guilt and expectations. This allows us to move forward in our healing process.

If you have performed a cord-cutting and still feel attached to the person or behavior you are working to release, keep trying. Do it again and do it with the expectation that healing and release can take some time to accomplish. Do it with the belief in your own happy future. Do it with the belief in your ability to be free of what has trapped you.

Seven Ways to Heal from a Breakup That Don't Involve Ice Cream

Seven Ways to Heal from a Breakup

That Don't Involve Ice Cream

It’s no surprise that something I see a lot at my tarot table is the pain that comes from the end of a relationship; especially when it wasn’t our choice, or when we didn’t see it coming. This is a pain that is familiar to most of us. In life, it is practically unavoidable. Breakups happen to everyone – young people, old people, straight people, gay people – everybody.  

After more than twenty years of professional tarot reading, I can see some common themes that emerge from the cards when helping people handle their grief and upset after a breakup. Here are seven things the cards often suggest that always seem to help. Whether or not you use tarot or have a reading to help process a breakup, these strategies reflect universal wisdom that anyone experiencing a breakup can find helpful. 

1. Recognize that connection, chemistry and coincidences do not determine nor predict healthy relationships. 

That you share a birthday or have great sex or feel some sense of spiritual connection does not necessarily mean that you are destined to be together. Very often people have a hard time getting closure and moving on because they spiritualize the relationship, and tell themselves a story that they belong together, or are fated to be together. 

Truly, if there is such a thing as a “fated” relationship, no force on earth will keep you apart. You can get closure now and know the Universe will bring you back together if it is indeed meant to be. In the meantime, stop telling yourself stories that suggest your breakup is somehow wrong, or impossible, or against some greater spiritual plan. 

2. Be willing to consider that you are not truly in love with this person, and maybe never have been. 

Very often we fall in love with our idea of someone, rather than the reality of who they are. We see the potential, rather than the reality. Focusing on the reality of who the person actually is, or how the relationship actually was, can make it much easier to let it go. 

3. Don’t worry if your ex has a bad opinion of you or blames you for what is clearly their fault. 

Sometimes we are ready to let the relationship go but hate the way our ex perceives us and our actions. We worry that they will trash-talk us to our friends and family, or that they are walking away believing bad things about us, unable to see their part in the problem. 

The trick here is recognizing that we can’t be responsible for what other people think and believe, and that if someone can’t see our side of the situation that makes them an a-hole, and we can’t be upset by what a-holes think. 

Also recognize that if they do trash-talk us that will make them look like bigger a-holes than we do, no matter what they may say, or to whom. 

4. Allow yourself to see now what you wouldn’t allow yourself to see before. 

In a relationship we try to focus on the good things and ignore the bad, right? After the breakup it’s important to review the things we didn’t want to look at during the relationship. When we do, we will very often come to the conclusion that we’ve dodged a bullet. 

5. Erase the negative mental tapes. 

Chances are, over the course of the relationship, and perhaps especially during the breakup, your ex has said some critical or negative things about you or has cast some blame your way. It’s important to own your part and learn what you can from the experience, but don’t let your ex’s perceptions, deflections, projections or angry words define who you are or how you see yourself going forward. 

6. Know that love is possible, that hearts heals, and that it’s okay to be open to something new. 

It’s easy to tell ourselves stories that we don’t want anyone else, that love isn’t worth the risk, and that we are better off alone. And, it’s okay to embrace being single and enjoy the beauty and freedom of the single lifestyle. But remember that love was never the reason for your relationship’s failure. Love still exists, is still possible for you, and is still a reasonable goal. 

7. Do a Cord-Cutting Ritual 

Whether you see this as an actual energetic healing or simply a psychological exercise, the act of physically cutting a string that represents the connection between you and your ex can be extremely helpful. You might need to perform this more than once. To learn more about how to do this, you can read my earlier blogpost on this topic.  

Healing from a breakup is hard. The standard wisdom offers us little more than ice cream, shopping and spa days. A bit of self-care and self-indulgence can go a long way to help in healing. However, true healing comes when we change what we’ve been telling ourselves and reframe our perspective.