An Open Letter to Holy Clothing: Please Rethink Your Word Choice!

Dear Folks at Holy Clothing,

I am sure you know how much we in the tarot, Pagan, artistic and musical communities appreciate you.

We are grateful for your knowledge that beautiful women come in all sizes and ages.

We count on you to provide our ritual regalia, our work uniforms and our stage costumes.

We rely on you for the clothing that allows us to feel like ourselves.

You call yourself “Holy Clothing” because you know that many of us use your garments for spiritual work. Is it wrong then, for me to think that you should hold yourself to the highest possible standards?

My concern, originally, was for your use of the “g-word” in your marketing for the beautiful Talia skirt. When I visited your website, I saw that you use the word “Gypsy” quite frequently to describe your fashions.

In the ad that caught my attention and earned my ire, you encourage us to express our “inner Gypsy”.

In the 1970s, many of us used the g-word to describe people who travel a lot, and people who are free-spirited. There were songs, like Stevie Nicks’ “Gypsy” and Max Creek’s “Gypsy Blue” that made it seem acceptable to use the word “Gypsy” to describe a lifestyle, a fashion choice, or an aesthetic.

I’ve been a fulltime professional tarot reader for the past quarter century. During that time, clients have required me to “dress like a Gypsy”.  This never felt comfortable to me, but the word-Gypsy-as-aesthetic was common in our popular culture. In the 1990s, people looked at me like I had two heads when I suggested to them that we shouldn’t name our spiritual group “Gypsy Grove” because the word “Gypsy” is an ethnic slur.

Eventually, I gave up, embraced my “Gypsy costume” and decided I had been overly sensitive.

Social media allows us to connect with people from all over the world, and to learn about their struggles first-hand. Over the past few years, I have recognized that it was indeed wrong of me to call my costume a “Gypsy costume” rather than a “fortune teller costume”.  I had been right all along to bristle against the use of the g-word, and the idea that “Gypsy” is an aesthetic.

Your use of this word is unintentionally rude and inaccurate. The only people who have an “inner Gypsy” are the Romani, or Roma.  Even then, use of the g-word is problematic.

It’s true that some Roma use the g-word to describe themselves. That puts it in the category of the n-word. There are some words and phrases that can only be spoken by the people whom the word originally maligned. When they speak it, they take their power back.  There is nothing empowering about the way you are using the g-word. Quite the opposite, really.

Please, read some history. Understand how brutally the Roma were treated by Hitler. Learn why the word Gypsy IS an ethnic slur, and IS NOT a description of an aesthetic.

In 2017, when ethnic-based hatred is a revealing itself all over the planet, doesn’t it make sense for us to be extra-special careful with our words?

Don’t we magickal folk understand the power of words on a deep level?

When you ask us to embrace our “inner Gypsy”, what you are really asking us to do is embrace our inner free spirit, our inner hippie, our inner mystic, our inner artist, our inner dancer…

Why not say something like that, instead of using a slur? And, beyond that, there is absolutely nothing about the lovely Talia that is even slightly reminiscent of actual traditional Romani attire.

When you ask us to embrace our “inner Gypsy”, you sound as terrible as if you were asking us to embrace our “inner Jap” or “inner Chink” or “inner Mick” or “inner Spic”.

Why reduce an entire ethnicity to an inaccurate and insulting aesthetic?

The 1970s called, and they want their insensitive language back.

You make beautiful clothing. Couldn’t the words you use to market it be equally lovely?

You pride yourselves in your ethics, and your hand-crafting. Please, let your words match your stated ethical commitments.

What Should Middle Aged Women Do?

Just yesterday, a few weeks after my birthday, I realized how wonderful it is to be the age I am. I’m old enough to have learned a few things, and young enough to have a future that will benefit from those lessons.

This morning, my happy mood was darkened slightly by a listicle on Answers.com, “9 Things Middle Aged Women Should Stop Doing Immediately.” It was silly of me to hope to find helpful information there.

Many middle age women go through a great deal of healing and transformation. We release what no longer serves us, and embrace positive change as we develop the courage and grace that comes with the passage of time.

The listicle even mentioned some of the things we need to release – we should stop smoking, stop eating processed foods, and stop forgetting to exercise. I agree, by the time we have been on the planet for fifty years, we should know how to take care of ourselves.

The list also concerns itself with our appearance. Apparently we should also stop wearing mom jeans and too much makeup.

I understand the fashion dilemma of being an older woman. Who are our icons? Whom can we emulate?  Where can we find fun, flattering clothes? My mother had wonderful fashion sense until she turned forty. On that day, it seemed, every item of clothing in her wardrobe turned beige.

I would love some great fashion advice. A listicle reminding me that I’m not twenty anymore doesn’t really cut it. It also makes me believe that whomever wrote this list couldn’t be more than thirty. So, here’s a clue for you. I l know I’m not twenty anymore, and I’m glad. I like the age I am. The fact that I don’t long for my youth, and I do look forward to my future, shouldn’t surprise you, but apparently it does.

The role of middle aged women in our society is changing. Now, we are not just grannies. Now, we are doctors, attorneys, dancers and artists. But, who tells a doctor or an attorney how to dress? And who thinks it matters what a competent adult wears? Articles such as this work to keep us from experience our lives fully. Middle aged women, apparently, just need to not look too weird. We don’t really contribute anything, we just need to learn how to dress, and how to eat.

I refuse to be marginalized by those who apparently care more about my jeans than my contributions.

The Best Hair in Florida

Finding the professionals you need is one of the hardest tasks of moving. I know, I’ve moved a lot in my life. I’m also picky, and not opposed to driving many miles for the right dentist, doctor or salon.

Of all the hard-to-find-professionals, for me the most difficult to find is a great hairdresser.

I have hair that many stylists find challenging. I am also very particular about my hair. I have little interest in being fashion-forward. I would rather simply avoid the salon for a few years than find myself in the chair of a perky scissor-wielding twenty-year-old who wants to know what I want to do about “all this grey.” Please don’t chastise me when I refuse to let you give me a new hairstyle, straighten my curls or change my hair color!

I know a lot of women love going to the salon. For me it can be as anxiety producing as a trip to the dentist.

I’ve been in Florida for six years now. Early on I was lucky to find a hairdresser I loved. One day the salon in which she worked was just gone, and I had no idea where to find her. I tried a few other places after that, from cheap chain mall shops to high-end luxury salons. Finally, I gave up, until this past weekend when I discovered Kerri Olah-Brennan in Lake Worth.

Kerri is the owner and operator of @The-Hair.Net, a cute one-chair salon at 506 Lucerne Avenue in downtown Lake Worth. If you go to @The-Hair.Net, there is no chance that you will be sloughed off to a lesser hairdresser due to a busy schedule. If you go to Kerri’s shop, it’s Kerri who will take care of you.

Kerri has been doing hair since she was a teenager. Now she has teenagers of her own. She’s down-to-earth, friendly and funny. Most importantly, she listens, and asks questions to make sure she understands what you want.

As much as Kerri is respectful of my desire to keep my hair natural, she keeps current with new techniques, styles, products and tools. I’ve also had the privilege of seeing Kerri’s artistry with special-occasion up-dos. Kerri is a good person to have on your team when it comes time for weddings and proms.

Whether you need maintenance, a new look or a do for a special occasion, call Kerri at (561) 358-1237.

South Florida Fashion Decoded

After being a South Floridian for four years now, I am beginning to understand some of the fashion peculiarities of the region.  I’m not talking about Palm Beach society fashion; that is the stuff of legends and glossy magazines.  I’m talking about what normal people really wear down here.

The rules seem a lot different than they were up north.  Some of that is simply that the rules have relaxed everywhere, but South Florida is more relaxed than anywhere is.  We all know it’s now okay to wear black to weddings, and colors other than black to funerals, no matter where you live.  But here in SOFL, we have some special rules all our own.

 The fashion attitude of South Florida is easily summed up by this story.  I was in the Macy’s dressing room trying on a low-cut dress with a halter-top.  I asked my dressing-room companion what she thought about it.  Her answer was simple.  “It’s summer in South Florida, honey.  Go for it.”

 So here are the rules, at least as much as I have been able to figure out.

 Rule 1.  The Little Black Dress (LBD) is appropriate for any situation.  As long as you have the right accessories, you can wear your LBD to the office, to a party, to a nightclub or to the beach.

 Rule 2.  Cool weather clothes such as boots, hats, sweaters, faux fur and scarves are fashion accessories to be worn on any occasion, regardless of weather.  It is perfectly okay to wear a scarf with a sundress, or boots with shorts and a wooly hat.  During the five days of cool weather each year, you can wear all your cool weather clothes with pants and long sleeves.  The other 360 days of the year, you can consider them funky, ironic or a fun splash of color and texture.

 Rule 3.  While it is inappropriate to wear your bathing suit without a breezy cover-up anywhere except the beach, in the heat of summer your halter-top can look an awful lot like a bathing suit top.

 Rule 4.  The length of your dress or skirt does not dictate its level of formality.  Niether does its fabric.  Satin and lace are not reserved for formal wear.

Rule 5.  It is perfectly acceptable for women to wear halter-tops, strapless tops and braless tops regardless of their age or weight.

 Rule 6.  The right women’s shorts can be part of a classy formal business outfit.  Men’s shorts only work for business casual.

 Rule 7.  There is no time or place where open-toed shoes are not appropriate.

 Rule 8.  Every woman must own at least one pair of white pants.  These are worn at any time throughout the year, and as often as possible, even though they are unflattering to many women.

 Rule  9.  There are at least twenty beaches and resorts in Florida where social nudity is the norm.  That’s more than in most other states.  This offers a whole other fashion option for those who dare.

The Worst of the Purse

The handbag is perhaps the most beloved fashion accessory – well, next to shoes, of course. 

Whether you prefer an expensive designer bag, a good knock, or something you crocheted out of hemp, almost every woman carries a purse almost everywhere.

These days, men are no longer excluded from the exquisite privilege of the handbag, nor are they relegated only to the briefcase.  Small electronics have broadened men’s carrying options considerably.  Now, even the manliest man might be seen carrying a man-bag in which he keeps his tablet, along with other man items.

Unlike many fashion items, the purse is utilitarian.  It holds our keys, our glasses, our money, our phone and our hygiene essentials.  Without it, how would we carry our stuff?

I have a sad purse story.  For more than a decade, I have had a lot of pain in my left shoulder.  I’ve no loss of motion or weakness, just pain.  I’ve visited doctors and massage therapists, but no one could tell me what was causing the pain, or how to get rid of it.

Recently I moved my home to within walking distance of my office.  I thought walking to work would make me healthier.  What happened was that my shoulder began to hurt so much it would wake me up at night.

Finally, a friend made a suggestion.  He has seen o a doctor’s report that said many women suffer injury from their shoulder bag.  Like most women, I have carried a shoulder bag almost every day since I was twelve.

But, I always carry my bag on my right shoulder, and my left shoulder is the one that hurts.  That didn’t make any sense to me.

As it turns out, that is exactly how it works. When I carry my bag on my right shoulder, my left shoulder works to compensate for the weight.

When I started walking to work, I spent more time with the bag on my shoulder, increasing the injury. 

Now, when I walk behind someone with a shoulder bag, I notice their posture.  Whether it is a young girl with a book bag or a broad-shouldered hunk with a murse, I see the shoulder carrying the bag is raised, and the opposite shoulder is lowered.

“That’s going to hurt you one day,” I want to say to them, but I don’t.

I had feared I would spend thousands of dollars for surgery or physical therapy to cure my increasingly bum shoulder.  So far, my minor efforts have already made a huge difference, without even one visit to the doctor.

First, I removed the five pounds of change from the bottom of my purse.  Then, I made an effort to keep my purse shoulder lowered.  I had noticed that my body seemed permanently crooked, with the left shoulder always lower than the right.  Efforts to keep the left shoulder raised were futile, but focusing on lowering the right seems to have worked.

I am alternating shoulders when I carry my purse, and trying to carry it less often.

While I don’t want to go back to the horrid 1980’s fanny pack, I wish we had more options for pain-free purses.

My final plan is to have a whole wardrobe of small cross-body bags, cute backpacks, handbags and clutches.  I figure the more purses I have, the less strain there will be on any one part of my body.  As with most fashion problems, the answer can be found by shopping.