Etiquette for Free Reading Livestreams

Etiquette for Free Reading Livestreams

Everyone knows how important internet etiquette is. Without it, we would misunderstand each other more than we already do!

Recent advances in tech have given us all the opportunity to be video stars; we can livestream on Facebook, YouTube and Instagram with the push of a button. This has revolutionized social media, especially in the world of tarot readers, mystics and psychics.

Now, free mini-readings on livestream is a regular thing. I don’t have time to do a lot of these, but when I do it reminds me of my days as a psychic on FM radio, reading for callers. The only difference between radio and livestreaming is that, on the radio, there was always a DJ to establish and enforce the rules.

Many social media groups have specific rules for how their live sessions should be. Often times the reader will establish a protocol in their video description. Of course, the first rule of etiquette here is to read and follow the established rules.

Yet, even when there aren’t established rules, there are some rules of common sense that I think will apply virtually everywhere.

First, if it’s a busy thread (and they usually are) don’t double-dip! If you have asked a question and had it answered, don’t ask another during that session unless further questions are requested. That’s good manners anywhere. Let someone else have a turn!

Second, a free mini-reading is not the same as a professional reading session. Don’t ask about your job, your love life, your dog and your haircut all in one sentence and pretend that’s a single question. If you have that many questions, schedule a session with a pro.

Third, if the reader has specifically asked for questions, honor that reader by asking an actual question. In a paid session it is perfect okay to rattle off keywords instead of questions, like love-life, job, money. In a free mini-reading livestream, keywords don’t equal questions. Take your time to type out your question. This will give the reader a greater ability to give you the information you need in the shortest period of time possible.

Don’t hop on the comment thread asking, “Can you read me?” or “Can I ask a question?” Simply follow the instructions and ask the question according to the format laid out in the session description or follow the lead of those who are asking questions and getting them answered.

Don’t think that a two-minute reading on a livestream is the same as a professional session. It’s a sample. It’s meant to be helpful, but it’s not a replacement for deep one-on-one work. These live sessions do give you a great opportunity to see the style of many readers and to choose the ones you would like to work with professionally.

You can check out an archive of a free reading livestream session on my Facebook business page. Hit ‘Like’ while you are there, so you can be alerted the next time I go live!

Everyone is Sensitive Right Now

Anyone who spends any time in an online tarot community knows to be careful about what they say. Tarotists are extremely sensitive.

Recently, a person new to the online tarot community commented on this, saying she had never seen a group of people so easily offended. Many folks offered explanations as to why tarotists might in fact be more sensitive and easy to offend than members of other communities might.

At the time, I questioned the assertion that my tarot community would be more easily offended than, say, my drum community or my music community, for instance. 

Recently, listening to some talk shows on my local radio station, I got the fuel I needed for my argument. On a show about music, a guest proclaimed that no community was more sensitive or easily offended than the community of musicians and their fans.

The following show was about the recent Festival de Cannes 2015. Within the first fifteen minutes of the show, the guest was telling us that the film community was the most sensitive and easily offended community of all.

In each case, each person made clear that they had been members of other communities in the past, and so they knew that no community was as thin-skinned as their current community is.

Meanwhile, the  daily news is full of people all over the world who are offended about something or other, and ready to kill and die over it.

Clearly, the problem is not limited to one community, one fan base, or even one country. Right now, the whole world is easily offended.

On explanation could be astrological. Between June of 2012 and March of 2015, there were seven Uranus-Pluto squares. The last series of Uranus-Pluto squares happened between 1932 and 1934. Then, we saw the Great Depression and the beginning of the Holocaust.

Even a non-astrologer like me can understand how Uranus, with its energy of individual exploration and expression could conflict with Pluto, the planet of subconscious forces, transformation and power.

Heavenly events do not create world events. What happens on Earth is mirrored in the heavens. These events are reflected in each one of us. Right now, each of us may feel more defensive and more sensitive than usual. Each one of us may feel the urgent need to express our unique viewpoints.

Soon, a shift will occur and we will all have an easier time getting along, and forgiving each other. Until then, we would all be wise to remember the second of Don Miguel Ruiz’ “Four Agreements”, “Don’t take anything personally”.

Lowdown and Unworthy: Upworthy Takes on Psychics and Misses the Point

I usually enjoy Upworthy, a clickbait site that featuring interesting and heartwarming stories. I know that at least some of the stories are real, because friends of mine had videos featured on the site.

This week I lost faith in Upworthy. They ran a story that tells half-truths and perpetuates harmful stereotypes about my professional community and me.

The lengthy title of the story is “She dressed up like a psychic and told them what they wanted to hear. Guess what they believed?”

You can imagine the premise from the title. A psychologist with a particular skill at “cold reading” dons some makeup, black garb and cheesy jewelry, and gives readings to people who completely buy in to what she is saying.

This is not original. I’ve seen this shtick done as a gag, as a science experiment, and everything in between.  It’s an interesting study, and one worthy of discussion.

The cold reader in the Upworthy video is a psychologist. She calls herself a scientist, but she makes a serious scientific mistake. She presents herself as someone who wants to prove all psychics to be frauds. A scientist with an agenda is always a dangerous thing.

The Upworthy page ends with this over-generalization. “If you want to ask a psychic a question, try a life coach or a therapist instead. You're much less likely to get ripped off.”

Wow. Just, wow.

I do not deny that there exist many psychic frauds, con artists and criminals. I have written about the psychic scams prevalent in my homes states of Connecticut, Florida and New York.

The Upworthy article uses “Miss Cleo” to call to mind one of the best-known psychic frauds of the past few decades. The entire premise of the article is that every professional psychic is a fraud.

There are crooks and incompetents in every profession, Upworthy, not just mine.

There is a lot of controversy about the word “psychic” in the professional tarot community. One well-known tarot professional was recently quoted in a controversial article saying that all people who call themselves psychic are frauds. Clearly, both Upworthy and this tarot professional have jumped on the psychic-hate bandwagon.

Over the past few decades, I’ve seen the word “psychic” come in and out of favor amongst tarotists and other spiritual seekers. Right now, apparently, it’s out of favor. Not to worry, it will be back soon.

Many professional tarotists prefer the word “intuitive” to “psychic.” Many diviners do not claim to be psychic at all. As a professional tarotist myself, this is my thought. It doesn’t matter whether I call myself “psychic” or not. You will find the information I give you extremely helpful. There are good, helpful readers in the world, and I’m one of them. What word you use to describe my talent doesn’t matter.

That brings us to the topic of cold reading. People think of cold reading as a psychological trick, rather than a psychic experience.  I would suggest that, to some extent, folks who are good at cold reading are people who have a good sense of other people. The cold reader in the video is a psychologist. Why is “having a good sense of other people” not the same thing as “psychic” or “intuitive?” If cold reading were simply a trick that anyone could do, well, then anyone could do it. The truth is, some people are very good at cold reading, and then announce that they “aren’t psychic.” To me, it’s a matter of perspective and semantics.

In the video, the cold reader explains that reading body language and facial expression is a huge part of cold reading, and therefore, part of the way that we “psychics” “trick” our clients. The majority of the work I do is on the phone, where I cannot see body language or facial expression. Many other great readers work by telephone. Determined to discredit psychics en masse, this video does nothing to address this obvious discrepancy in the psychologist’s theory that all “psychic” reading is actually cold reading.

Upworthy is a site that promotes inclusivity. And, yet, for all their noble goals, Upworthy has treated my community with prejudice and propaganda.  

As one who works as a professional psychic, I want to say this to Upworthy. Describing someone’s outfit as “dressing as a psychic” is an offensive stereotype. The actual get-up that the reader is wearing in the video adds insult to injury. I can guarantee you, that is not how I dress for work, even when a costume is requested.

Finally, Upworthy’s assertion that a “life coach” or a “therapist” is always a better choice than a psychic is just laughable.  First, these are completely different job descriptions. You wouldn’t want to hire a therapist to entertain at the prom, would you? Likewise, a person who needs a therapist may not be a good candidate for a psychic reading. Second, there are good and bad in every profession. You can’t know that the life coach you get will be ethical, or that the psychic you hire won’t be.

As with all professions, the potential client needs to do the research. You’ll regret hiring a bad lawyer, a bad auto mechanic, or a bad psychic.

Shame on you, Upworthy, for taking a cheap shot at my community. Psychic frauds have been the bane of my twenty-plus year career. Good people are taken advantage of by slick swindlers in a way that makes every psychic professional look bad. I do everything I can to educate potential clients about the differences between con artists and legitimate professionals. When you paint my peers and me with the same brush you paint Miss Cleo and her ilk, you make us another of their many victims.

A Small Messaging Problem with the Wonderful Tree Change Dolls

By Robert Bejil from Bakersfield, Ca, USA (Darnah 01) [CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons

Unless you live under a rock, one of the things that may have grabbed your attention on social media this week is the “Tree Change Dolls.” I know they grabbed mine.

“Tree Changes Dolls” are the brainchild of a family in Tasmania. The concept, as written on their Tumblr and Etsy sites, is simple.

The family combs local thrift shops and finds discarded fashion dolls. They give the dolls a more natural-looking make-over and sell each as a unique work of art, and as an improved toy for young girls.

The before-and-after pics of the dolls that are circulating the internet really highlight the vision and creativity behind the Tree Change Dolls.

I love upcycling, I love creativity and I love entrepreneurs. I love overnight social media success stories, like this one. One would think I would be completely in love with the Tree Change Dolls. The parenting world, and the feminist world, are lauding the Tree Change Dolls as a positive alternative for young girls.

I understand all that, and I appreciate it. However, for me, there is something a wee bit disturbing about the subtle marketing message of these dolls. Even more disturbing is the fact that few people seem to be seeing this message as questionable.

The vast majority of the dolls who get to become Tree Change Dolls are Bratz dolls. Bratz dolls have glitzy urban clothes and lots of makeup.

The “Tree Change” process takes the makeup off the dolls, and puts them in dowdy clothes. Now, apparently, according to the marketing, these dolls are able to play and explore and live in ways that their makeup and clothing prevented them previously.

Most folks agree that the Tree Change Dolls are a lot cuter than the original Bratz. Many parents dislike Bratz, feeling they promote a certain attitude that is undesirable in young girls. I find all fashion dolls a bit questionable, and wonder why Bratz earns the ire of parents who are happy to feed their daughters a constant diet of Barbie and Disney.  I’d take a sassy Bratz over a dishwater Disney Princess any day, and wonder if all the Bratz-hate is rooted anti-urban racism and classism.

As a child, I would have loved a cute Tree Change Doll much more than any fashion doll. As an adult, I, like many, have been concerned by the lack of ethnic diversity available in dolls, and the unrealistic expectations that fashion dolls like Barbie might create among young girls.

At the same time, taking the makeup and snazzy clothes off Bratz dolls and promoting the changes as wholesome improvements also sends an undesirable message.

In a way, this message is just as limiting to young girls as fashion dolls are.

Why can’t a person wear makeup and fashionable clothes and still be smart, athletic and fun?  Why can’t a fashionable urban girl love nature? Why does taking the makeup off a doll somehow make that doll more wholesome, more spiritual, more intelligent or more appropriate?

I really appreciate the creativity and talent behind the Tree Change Dolls. What I don’t appreciate is this subtle slut-shaming message.

To me, this message smacks of blaming the high heels, short skirt and lipstick for the rape. “If only the woman had been dressed more appropriately she would never have been attacked. She was asking for it!”

I recognize these dolls come from a different country than I do, and that I might not fully understand the cultural implications from an Australian perspective.

I also know that concern about how women dress themselves is an international issue of extreme political importance, unfortunately.

Like many people who love the Tree Change Dolls, I am concerned about the message that fashion dolls send to young girls. Unlike many people, I am also a bit concerned about this aspect of the message sent by Tree Change Dolls.

Women must be free to dress the way they want, without the judgment of others. Neither fashion dolls nor anti-fashion dolls really promote the idea that women get to choose how they present themselves.

The problem comes from the culturally-acceptable-but-truly-heinous idea that it is fine to judge a woman’s character, talent, intelligence and moral standing based on her outfit and makeup.

I’m not expecting a small family with a brilliant suddenly-booming cottage industry to change the world any more than they already are.  I think the Tree Change Dolls are inspired and lovely, and I wish them much success.

At the same time, I also wish they would stop suggesting that women who enjoy makeup and fashion are somehow less appropriate than women who don’t. To me, that seems a slippery slope toward legally-enforced fashion choices.

Women in many parts of the world are legally required to dress in certain ways. Don’t we make room for the attitude that demands that kind of subjugation when we judge women’s characters based on their clothes and makeup?

The Joy of a Hand-Written Letter

Woman Reading a Letter  circa 1664-1666, artist Gabriel Metsu, painting and representative photo public domain, currently on display National Gallery of Ireland.

Today I had an experience that has become unique. I received a letter in the mail. This was not a form letter nor a card, nor an email.

This was two pages neatly hand-written on lined paper, and mailed in an envelope with a stamp.

There was a time we all communicated this way over the miles. Now we have email, text, Skype and social media.

It’s probably obvious that the person who wrote the letter was over eighty years old. The last time I received such a great letter, it was from my late grandmother.

I always hated writing letters, and certainly don’t miss having to. But this lovely missive, filled with news, musings and ideas, made me long for a time when we all knew how to express ourselves this eloquently on paper, and took the time to do it.

I’ll treasure this letter. Who knows when I’ll receive another?

On the other hand, as much as I enjoyed the letter, I’m planning on acknowledging it with a phone call. As much as I love the concept of hand-written letters, I’m not going to try to start a retro-fad.  I wish someone would, though.

What Should Middle Aged Women Do?

Just yesterday, a few weeks after my birthday, I realized how wonderful it is to be the age I am. I’m old enough to have learned a few things, and young enough to have a future that will benefit from those lessons.

This morning, my happy mood was darkened slightly by a listicle on Answers.com, “9 Things Middle Aged Women Should Stop Doing Immediately.” It was silly of me to hope to find helpful information there.

Many middle age women go through a great deal of healing and transformation. We release what no longer serves us, and embrace positive change as we develop the courage and grace that comes with the passage of time.

The listicle even mentioned some of the things we need to release – we should stop smoking, stop eating processed foods, and stop forgetting to exercise. I agree, by the time we have been on the planet for fifty years, we should know how to take care of ourselves.

The list also concerns itself with our appearance. Apparently we should also stop wearing mom jeans and too much makeup.

I understand the fashion dilemma of being an older woman. Who are our icons? Whom can we emulate?  Where can we find fun, flattering clothes? My mother had wonderful fashion sense until she turned forty. On that day, it seemed, every item of clothing in her wardrobe turned beige.

I would love some great fashion advice. A listicle reminding me that I’m not twenty anymore doesn’t really cut it. It also makes me believe that whomever wrote this list couldn’t be more than thirty. So, here’s a clue for you. I l know I’m not twenty anymore, and I’m glad. I like the age I am. The fact that I don’t long for my youth, and I do look forward to my future, shouldn’t surprise you, but apparently it does.

The role of middle aged women in our society is changing. Now, we are not just grannies. Now, we are doctors, attorneys, dancers and artists. But, who tells a doctor or an attorney how to dress? And who thinks it matters what a competent adult wears? Articles such as this work to keep us from experience our lives fully. Middle aged women, apparently, just need to not look too weird. We don’t really contribute anything, we just need to learn how to dress, and how to eat.

I refuse to be marginalized by those who apparently care more about my jeans than my contributions.

A Mean Meme

I am usually the first one to defend social media when it comes under fire from those who see it as a harbinger of the end of the world as we know it.

Do I think that social media keeps us from interacting with each other? Do I think social media isolates us? No, I don’t. I am in touch with literally hundreds of people who, without social media, would be only vague memories. Now I know the names of their kids, their grandkids and their cats.

I also don’t think the end of the world is near. I don’t think our recent harsh weather is somehow sinister or “unnatural” or that a deity is punishing us for letting gay people get married.

Just because I’m a tarot reader doesn’t mean I’m superstitious. Just because I eat organic foods doesn’t mean I want to return to the eighteenth century.

Once in a while, though, I wish the “share” button on Facebook came with a disclaimer, or a warning.

Something like “Did you really read that meme? Do you really agree with it? Do you really think propagating this is helpful to the world?”

Many of the memes we wantonly share on Facebook contain inflammatory statements presented as facts. One trip to Snopes can save us from spreading lies and creating confusion, but it’s so much easier just to hit “Share.”

The meme that has my garters in a twist today isn’t factual, or even very political.  Well, to me it’s political, but most people won’t see it that way. It’s really just a cute, funny thing that means no harm at all. It’s from EMZKIE at Poopsie. It goes like this.

Yes, I'm a woman. I push doors that clearly say pull. I laugh harder when I try to explain why I'm laughing. I walk into a room and forget why I was there. I count on my fingers in math. I ask for food and then don't eat it when I get it. I fall in love too fast with someone who doesn't actually love me back. I hide the pain from my loved ones. I say it is a long story when it's really not. I cry a lot, more than you think I do. I care about people who don't care about me. I try to do things before the microwave beeps. I listen to you even though you don't listen to me. And a hug will always help. Yes! I am a woman! And I am proud of who I am.

Am I the only person for whom reading this is like sliding down a razorblade into a pool of salt? Ouch!

I’m all about gender pride in the face of oppression and all that, but let’s take a look at how this meme defines women.

Women are delightfully stupid. Women are giddy and silly. Women can’t do math. Women suffer in silence. Women are overly sentimental. Women are industrious in the kitchen. Woman do not require reciprocity. Women are comfortable being defined this way, because women are just featherheads with big hearts!

Who shares this meme on Facebook? Women do!

All I can do is shake my head.

There are so many great quotes about being a woman. What about Maya Angelou’s acclaimed poem, “Phenomenal Woman?”

When I see intelligent women hitting the Share button on the “Yes I’m a woman” meme, I want to respond with the words of Mary Wollstonecraft, from 1792 (that’s more than two centuries ago, if anyone’s counting).

In her “A Vindication of the Rights of Women,” she said, “My own sex, I hope, will excuse me, if I treat them like rational creatures, instead of flattering their fascinating graces, and viewing them as if they were in a state of perpetual childhood, unable to stand alone.”

I think Mary might have been inclined to poo-poo Poopsie, just as I am!

True, Kind and Necessary

How often have we seen a Facebook meme that instructs us before we speak to make sure that what we have to say is true, kind and necessary?

This “filter” as it is sometimes called, has been attributed to Buddha, the Sufis and guru Sai Baba.

The Rotarians have a similar expression. Many gentle religions, including the Quakers and the Unitarians, have embraced this philosophy.

Facebook memes are easy to spread around. Just hit “Share.” Many memes promote kindness and positivity. Some memes are cute and funny. I am a huge fan of Grumpy Cat.

But many memes don’t pass the filter test. A huge number of memes that publicize scary “true” stories and statistics are simply not true, never mind being kind and necessary.

I’ll bet that if any one of us vetted the memes on our Facebook wall on any given day we would find many of them to be untrue. Except the ones about cute cats, of course. The cats truly are cute.

Facebook is a platform for people to share their concerns. Many people like to use Facebook to promote a particular agenda. That’s all well and good. But how is it helpful to spread falsehoods, even if those falsehoods prop up your fears and beliefs?

I never unfriend based on politics. I expect that some people will feel differently than I do about certain issues, and that’s fine. I respect and appreciate everyone’s right to an opinion, as long as those opinions are derived from facts.

Sadly, it seems that a lot of opinions are formed on untruths and half-truths, especially on Facebook. No one side is guiltier of this than another; every agenda seems to have its fair share of misinformation.

For instance, a meme that claims that George W. Bush has the lowest IQ of all presidents for the past fifty years is absolutely untrue. Another untrue meme claims that the majority of Barack Obama’s campaign contributions came from a handful of wealthy overseas financiers.

The next time you see a disturbing anecdote or statistic on social media, take five minutes and vet it for accuracy before you share it. Sharing lies, even with good intentions, helps no one.

We live in a world where fear-mongering shapes our political and social agenda. What would happen if each one of us made the commitment to stop spreading fear and lies, and only shared what we discovered to be true?

Meetup.com: One Website That Could Change Your Life

A poor economy and a rich internet have sealed the deal on the cocooning trend that started a few decades ago.  More and more, those of us who are lucky enough to still have homes spend a lot of time in them.  We don’t know our neighbors, and we connect with friends and family on Facebook more than in real life.

We like it that way.  We can control how much interaction we have with others, and can interact with them when it is most convenient for us.

At the same time, the biggest complaint you’ll hear from people, after the economy, of course, is that they are lonely.  Singles can’t meet anyone to hang out, let alone date.  Marrieds can’t find other couples to chill.

Meanwhile, folks with hobbies and interests that really are better when shared are desperate to find likeminded people.

Enter Meetup.com, a free website dedicated to getting you away from your computer.

Meetup.com is a very special social networking site.  Simply sign up for free, and enter your interests, your zip code, and how far you are willing to drive to attend a meetup. 

Meetups are events that you can attend, often free or low cost, to meet likeminded people and enjoy fun activities.

What comes back may amaze you.  For instance, if you entered “hiking” in Des Moines, Iowa, you could sign up to join a nature club for lunch and a birding expedition.  If you entered “knitting” in Hampton, Virginia, you could choose between five different fiber arts clubs.

Meetups can be classes, camping trips, happy hours, movies or dining experiences.  They can involve athletics, family activities, singles events or religious gatherings.  You might find a sewing circle, a book club, a coven of witches or a flash mob.

If you didn’t find what you were looking for, you could express interest to be notified when a new meetup group starts.

Of course, the more populated an area is, the more meetups there are.

It’s not perfect.  Some meetups aren’t well organized.  Sometimes it’s hard to find the meeting location.  Perhaps you might not enjoy the people you meet.

On the other hand, you might meet your next BFF, or even your next BF.  You might learn a new skill, see a movie premiere, or enjoy a dinner with friends. 

Meetup integrates with Facebook and Twitter, and is easy to use.  Even the technologically disinclined are able to use it.

Meetup is international.  Meetups happen all over the world.

You can start a meetup group yourself.  That part isn’t free.  To be a meetup organizer you pay a few dollars a month, and can organize as many as three different groups.

At the time of this writing, a check of Meetup.com revealed that forty-four Meetups were happening just now, worldwide.  They include electronic dance music in Toronto, Yoga in Huntsville, Alabama, and mountain biking in North Carolina.  Before the night ends, another fourteen hundred meetups will happen across the globe.  It’s Monday night.

Meetup.com’s current slogan is “Do Something, Learn Something, Share Something, Change Something.”

Definitely.