We are Horrible People

 A Review of Cards Against Humanity

When I was in my 20s the game Trivial Pursuit was all the rage. Now my kids are in their 20s. Recently they introduced a new game for family game night.

Cards Against Humanity is subtitled "A Party Game for Horrible People". On its website the game is described this way. "Cards Against Humanity is as despicable and awkward as you and your friends."

Cards Against Humanity is technically a competitive game. But the game is so darn funny that everyone who plays wins as long as they have a sense of humor.

I must insert a caveat here. While both generations of my family find this game oodles of fun, probably not every kid will want to play this with their parents, and not every parent will want to play it with their kids. Some people may not want to play it at all.

In a way Cards Against Humanity is like an R-rated version of the Mad Libs we played when we were kids. Although if I remember correctly sometimes our finished Mad Libs were pretty racy as well.

Cards Against Humanity and its booster packs are available for purchase. If you'd rather you can make your own starter game for free by downloading and printing the cards from the game's website.

The game consists of two decks of cards, one black and one white. The black cards each essentially ask a question. The white cards supply potential answers to the questions.

Each player has an opportunity to read a black card question. The other players (the more the merrier) each have a hand of seven white cards. From their white cards they each choose the card that they believe supplies the funniest or most appropriate answer.

The player who had read the black card then reads the answers. It's best when the player is able to read them with some showmanship. Much laughter then ensues. That player picks the entry he or she likes best. The person who entered the favored answer is the winner of that round.

Both black and white cards vary a great deal. Black cards can be as simple as "Why am I sticky?" or "What's there a ton of in heaven?" Some black cards require more than one answer, such as "_____ plus _____ equals _____."

White cards can be quite innocuous, but some are terribly politically incorrect, scatological or sexual. Some more G-rated examples of white cards include "Bees?", "A really cool hat," and "Michelle Obama's arms."

Surprisingly, cleverly used G-rated cards often beat out the more off-color ones.

Both white cards and black cards often contain references to celebrities and pop culture.

One of my kids points out a more psychological aspect of the game. If you know the person who will be choosing his or her favorite answer you can tailor yours according to your understanding of the person's tastes.

Cards Against Humanity is not the right game for every setting. It's definitely off-limits for the office Christmas party and the church social. My parents would have hated it.

My family loves Cards Against Humanity. I guess this means we are horrible people. But we love to laugh, we love absurdity and we love to play with words.

Earthing

I have just recently heard about "Earthing." I don't know whether to be happy or sad.

"Earthing" is a new healing technique that involves…wait for it… lying directly on the ground or walking barefoot in order to connect to the healing energies of the Earth.

Apparently naturopathic science is discovering what Pagans and hippies have known for years. The Earth's energy heals us. Having that validation should make me happy, I suppose. Except that I don't need validation for an obvious truth.

What I feel is disgust that people can take a normal human behavior, brand it and market it. I feel the same disgust that we as a culture have grown so far away from our planet that this even needs to be a thing.

Of course New Age marketing geniuses have found a way to monetize Earthing. You can now buy an "Earthing Bed" that has a special cord through which energy supposedly transfers from the Earth to your bed.

Cue even more disgust here. Our planet is not chic yoga pants, shoe-magnets, a high-tech water purifier or a juicer. "Earthing" cannot become just another New Age fad.

I live in a naturist community. I am "barefoot all over" most of the time. I connect with the Earth every day. I go to the beach and lie naked in the sand. Beyond that, I'm a Pagan. It is my religion to connect with the Earth. I am glad, really glad, that people are waking up to the power of the Earth and the travesty of our modern-day disconnection from the Earth. I'm sad that someone had to tell them (or sell them) what they should have innately known.

In 2005, Richard Louv wrote a book, Last Child in the Woods, which hypothesized a modern malady "Nature Deficit Disorder."

Louv suggested that since modern parents are afraid to expose their kids to nature our nation is beginning to suffer a complex collective anxiety disorder.

I hate to think that my kids were the last generation to run through the woods, eat sun-warmed berries off a bush, sleep in a tent and skinny-dip in a lake.

In the 1960s there was a "back to the Earth" movement. As a child those concepts immediately appealed to me. In fact, that movement was probably responsible for forming me into the skyclad hippie witch that I am.

And now it turns out that those who took a different route are suffering, and their prescription is to connect their bodies to the Earth.

I am not looking forward to hearing all the New-Agey fad-followers talking about how they are going to go Earthing after yoga on Tuesday. But the fact is I hope they actually do. They need it, and so does the planet.

I'll do my own bit of marketing here. If you are looking for a great place to go Earthing, try your local naturist park or nude beach. And maybe don't call it Earthing. Maybe just call it going to the beach.

When Fiction Invades our Language

I've recently noticed how often we use references from novels and films in our day-to-day conversation. Sometimes it is made-up words, like "muggle." Sometimes it is a phrase that takes on a new meaning because of the story plot, like "gas-lighting."

Often we talk about art imitating life and life imitating art. This is what happens when art is so good, or so popular, it becomes part of life.

This is not a new trend. Gas-lighting as a term for a type of psychological abuse comes from a 1938 play and subsequent film adaptation called "Gas Light." Some of our common expressions are actually quotes (or misquotes) from Shakespeare himself.

And which one of us hasn't used the phrase "I'll have what she's having" from When Harry Met Sally?

But here's what I find really interesting. There is a trend amongst spiritual people to use terms from fiction to describe their spiritual activities. For instance, a part time tarot reading might refer to her day job as her "muggle" job. Spiritual teachers sometimes refer to the lack of enlightenment amongst the masses as "The Matrix."

In a way, this is simply another example of how books and movies worm their way into our language. Sometimes it is helpful, because it creates a modern reference that the uninitiated can understand.

I have to admit I find it a bit disturbing, though, and here's why.

Healers, psychics and other alternative practitioners have a hard enough time maintaining credibility in an unenlightened world. Doesn't it make us seem less credible when our vocabulary comes from fantasy and sci-fi?

I wonder, too, if the professionals that choose to use these words might secretly question their gifts, their training and their path.

But here's something else to think about. Within fiction there is often great truth. Harry Potter teaches the power of love. The Matrix teaches the courage to seek truth. I find spiritual truths in Stephen King novels all the time.

I choose not to use phrases from fiction to describe my life, my work or my spiritual path because those things are facts, and fiction is, well, fiction.

But I do recognize the truths we all learn from stories, myths and movies, and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t use those in my spiritual life and work.

Governor Christie on SNL - Laughter, Hope and Sanity

 Saturday Night Live gets a lot of mileage making fun of New Jersey.  There was Joe Piscopo "I'm from Jersey! You from Jersey? What exit?" More recently there was Fred Armisen playing a Jersey-hating Governor Paterson.

But it's not just SNL. New Jersey is the state we all love to hate. We watch Snooki so we can feel superior, even though any member of the cast of Jersey Shore could buy and sell most of us a few times over.

South Park has taken some serious jabs at Jersey too. Part of the Jersey persona seems to be that people from Jersey don't take crap from anyone. Apparently, not even from Hurricane Sandy.

New Jersey's governor, Chris Christie, has been a cheerleader for the new Republican agenda. In an election season filled with bad science and bad manners, I had completely written off Governor Christie as another "Legitimate Rape" wacko.

But, tragedy tests the metal of a person. When Governor Christie had to work side-by-side with his political enemy, President Obama, he made the well-being of his state his only priority. Christie took a lot of heat from his Republican friends, but he could not be swayed. He simply refused to politicize Hurricane Sandy.

This past Saturday Governor Christie was a guest on SNL's Weekend Update with Seth Meyers. Here, we saw another side of Chris Christie. Without any political rancor, he was able to laugh at himself, and at the negative Jersey stereotypes.

He closed his bit by quoting the "great New Jersey poet," Bruce Springsteen. As he did, we could see his genuine pride in his state, his sorrow, and his determination to rebuild. What we didn't see was political hatred…for anyone.

Sadly, this last election season earned the GOP the nickname "The Party of Stupid," even amongst some frustrated Republicans.

Chris Christie reminded us all that New Jersey is not just a polluted stretch of I-95.  Suddenly I remembered that I attended summer camp in New Jersey as a child. Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi and Kevin Smith are some of my cultural heroes.

My family and I made regular trips to enjoy the ocean at Sandy Hook. Stories of wonderful things we did in New Jersey are part of my identity. I'm guessing this is true of many people from the Northeastern United States.

It's fun to laugh at Jersey. Sometimes it's necessary to laugh at Republicans. On SNL, we got a chance to laugh with Chris Christie, and to remember what strong, sane leadership in a time of crisis looks like.

Stupid isn't Cute

We all make grammatical errors and spelling errors, especially when we are posting on social media or texting on our phones. Sometimes our communications are not erroneous at all; Twitter's 140 character limit and typing with our thumbs have legitimized the use of single-character substitutions for words - "U" for "you," "B" for "be" and so forth.

Honest mistakes (and I do make my share) and text and Twitter abbreviations are not the source of my ire today. The source of my ire is the concept that pop spellings are cute.

Today I drove by a restaurant with signs advertising "Shakez, Wrapz and Saladz." I can guarantee you the next time I want salads I will get them elsewhere. If you are not smart enough to spell the word "salads" I certainly don't trust you to be smart enough to make one.

Near my friend's house is a daycare that markets itself as a place for kids to learn and grow as part of their daycare experience. Its name is "Kidz Academy." I am overwhelmed by the many possible snarky comments I could make about that bit of irony.

Our nation's passion for "respelling" made national news last February when a Methuen, Massachusetts school menu item, "Krispy Krunchy Chicken," "KK Chicken" for short, was further misspelled as "KKK Chicken" on the menu sent home to parents.

In the furor that followed one smart student stated the obvious. If the school had chosen to spell the words "crispy" and "crunchy" correctly, there would never have been a problem. That a school doesn't value proper spelling is more than agonizing, and more than ironic. It's downright scary.

Somehow, Americans have decided that misspelled words and poor grammar are cute. So much so, in fact, that we create internet memes with pictures of adorable animals saying sassy things that are always misspelled and grammatically incorrect. My friend Natasha is quite sure that if cats could speak they would do so carefully and correctly, perhaps with a slight British accent. I agree.

We live in mysterious and confusing times. We aren't exactly sure how women get pregnant or whether dinosaurs co-existed with humans.  We wonder if homosexuality causes devastating weather. We worry about the safety of airplane windows that don't open.

During such disturbing times it might be a mistake to propagate the idea that it is cute to be stupid.

Oh, sorry, I meant to say "stoopid." That would have made it cuter, right?

Great Hibachi at Japan Inn

I was so happy when my friend told me she wanted to take the drive from northern Palm Beach County to my new home in Broward County to take me out to dinner for my birthday. Now all we had to do was find a great place to eat. I'm new in town and haven't had a chance to try out the local eateries.

My friend wanted me to choose something I love but haven't had in a long time. After some deliberation, we settled on Japanese hibachi, or teppanyaki. She found Japan Inn's two locations on line; we decided to meet at the one in Plantation.

The great thing about good friends is that it doesn’t matter where you go or what you do; you always have a great time in good company. But good company at a good restaurant is hard to beat, and that is exactly what we had at Japan Inn.

Of course, the anxiety of hibachi is this. Will we have good table neighbors? Hibachi is often advertised as "dinner and a show," but it is always best if you share it with fun people. On this particular night we got the best table ever. Our table mates were two young couples who cheered for everything as it went on the grill (even the butter) and asked us to do a sake bomb with them. Now, I don't care for either beer or sake, but the sake bomb was crazy fun!

Our chef was terrific, and the food was wonderful. Everything was fresh and plentiful. The service was good, and the atmosphere managed to be both urban chic and relaxed at the same time. I've enjoyed a number of hibachi restaurants up and down the East Coast; Japan Inn is one of the best.

The Spiritual Imperative for Compromise

I was raised in a Christian home. My parents, a minister and a Sunday school teacher, taught me the value of compromise. They assured me that without the skill of diplomacy I would never go far in life.

When a radical eco group (some called them eco-terrorists) used the slogan "No compromise in Defense of Mother Earth" I saw their point, and had sympathy for their cause. But I knew that without the ability to compromise their efficacy would be sadly limited.

I came across an interesting quote from Barry Goldwater today. In my personal iconography, Barry Goldwater was the first really conservative American of whom I was aware. I was surprised to see that Goldwater said the following words.

"Mark my word; if and when these preachers get control of the [Republican] party, and they're sure trying to do so, it's going to be a terrible damn problem. Frankly, these people frighten me. Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise. I know, I've tried to deal with them." - Barry Goldwater

He said these words quite late in his life, as the Christian Right was already beginning to succeed in their plan for domination of the Republican Party - a plan that has been frighteningly successful.

We do see this attitude prevalent in today's political arena. Politicians who are good at reaching compromises were once called great statesmen. Now, they are ridiculed for being "weak."

We see this same sort of philosophy amongst extremist Muslims. We should know this philosophy rarely leads to good things.

The sad thing that happens is this. When one side refuses to compromise, the other side becomes indignant, and starts acting as immaturely as their opponents. Suddenly, the adults we elect to lead us start sounding like children squabbling in the sandbox. Their supporters, regular citizens like you and me, sound even worse.

I do not believe that any God would be pleased to see people refusing to compromise in God's name. We often see Higher Power in the form of a parent. We call God "Our Father." We call Goddess "The Great Mother." Don't parents want their children to get along? Who in their right mind sees refusal to compromise as a Christian value?

I think part of the problem is the tendency to mix religion with superstition. It's a fine line, but a line we should be careful not to cross. Many religious extremists, both Christian and Muslim, truly believe their God will punish their country if their country as a whole does not follow their narrow doctrine.

On the other hand, the reasoning goes, if we obey a random and senseless set of rules derived from an ancient poorly translated and politically manipulated text, God will "bless" our country.

To me, this is a very limited view of Higher Power, and a poor way to practice politics.

Hanging on to unreasonable beliefs isn't religion at all; it's fear-based superstition. I was so proud of Bill Nye when he suggested that if your belief conflicts with obvious reality, you need to change your belief.

Higher Power is about truth, not about fear. To see Higher Power as angry rather than loving is disempowering both to us and to Higher Power's ability to bring true enlightenment to us.

Of all the many verses in the Bible my favorite is First John 4:8 - "He who loveth not knoweth not God, for God is love."

It's that simple.

I believe God has already blessed our country, and our planet, by giving us resources and abilities. Whatever happens after that isn't up to God, it's up to us.

On a more personal level, this new doctrine of non-compromise is tearing apart families. Anyone who has ever been in a marriage knows that marriage relies on compromise. Many marriages that now end in divorce might have been savable if both partners were willing to compromise with each other.

I talk to many people who are ready to sacrifice decent marriages because they have been taught that compromise and apology are signs of weakness. In actuality, compromise and apology can be signs of strength.

From spiritual texts far and wide, from St. Paul to the tarot, we learn another important lesson. Love is the greatest strength.

And so God is love, and love is the greatest strength. Yeah, that sounds right. And it sounds nothing like the philosophies being taught as truth today.

More About the Dumbing Down of America

One of the news stories that caught my attention recently is the story of the recent pep rally for the undefeated Waverly Wolverines football team in Waverly, New York.

As part of the high school's tradition, students put on skits to earn the title of "Mr. Waverly."

The problem with one of the skits came to light when an alumnus of Waverly High noticed a photo on Facebook, and sent it to CNN. Three young men put on a skit mocking the domestic violence between Chris Brown and Rihanna - and they did it in blackface.

Hundreds of social media comments and news stories later, the superintendent of the Waverly School System states that he plans to hold meetings and make announcements.

Everyone has rung in on this, from ethicists to community members and fellow students.

Was this a racist act? Did it make light of the serious nature of domestic violence?

Everyone agrees that the kids did not think they were doing anything wrong, or even pushing the envelope. As one community member stated, they do skits like that on Saturday Night Live all the time.

A student pointed out that it wasn't "blackface," it was just body paint.

What shocks me is that not one reporter or commenter has brought up the real problem behind this issue.

I agree that the kids meant no harm. They really didn't know any better. I remember doing skits in high school and how much fun it was. Those high school memories are some of my best. The creativity, humor and teamwork it takes to create and present a skit is something that kids only learn through extracurricular activities such as these.

I don't blame the kids, and I don't blame the behavior of the celebs that inspired the skit.

The really culprit and the real crime struck me when I read an article about the incident by Dr. Bruce Weinstein, "The Ethics Guy." Dr. Weinstein correctly pointed out that the kids had no knowledge or understanding of the historical context of blackface.

I'm betting they haven't had much coaching about the nature of domestic violence either.

Why is this? Could it be that Waverly schools, like all other schools in our great nation, are underfunded? Could it be that there is no opportunity for kids to attend civics classes where they might learn about these topics? Maybe issues of racial history and domestic relations aren't on the standardized tests?

What has happened at Waverly High simply shines a spotlight on what we already know to be true. Our kids aren't taught critical thinking, ethics, or any history beyond the basics. We are raising a nation of test-takers who lack skills like discernment and extrapolation.

Who said that those who don't remember the past are doomed to repeat it? I'm sure the students at Waverly don't know who said it or what it means because it's not on the test.

As we struggle to change our economic future, let's not forget that kids are our future, and without their legitimate education, there is no future. There is no more patriotic act than to invest in the education of our children.

When in Doubt, Dance

I'll be turning 50 very soon. I've been practicing owning that age for a few months so it won't be so traumatic when it actually happens.

As I contemplate a half-century on this very strange planet, I think about the cultural snapshot of now, what that looks like, and how I feel about it.

Here's where I stand.

I love Gangnam Style. Recently a CNN Blogger declared Gangnam Style over and dead. I think he's wrong. Gangnam Style makes the whole world dance together. Who cares if the dance is silly?

Honey Boo Boo who? I don't watch broadcast TV, so I only see snippets of stupidity. But, apparently, there is plenty of stupidity to go around. I still like Glee, which I watch on Hulu. I'm also watching The Voice, but was bored with blind auditions - 16 team members per coach seem just too much. And, as usual, the Brits do TV better than we do; Dr. Who was terrific this season.

My favorite adult cartoons are getting grosser and grosser. Vomit and dismemberment just aren't funny. Politics and religion are. Don't forget why I first loved you, Seth MacFarlane!

The new SNL cast is pretty good. I am expecting great things from Vanessa Bayer, and then I am expecting her to be over-used and worn-out, just as Kristen Wiig was.

Right now, the Western world is mourning the tragic deaths of two young girls. Jessica Ridgeway was the victim of kidnap and murder in Colorado, while Amanda Todd took her own life in Canada, a victim of bullying. I guess really sad things have always happened to kids and there have always been monsters in the world; the internet just makes sure we all know about them.

The presidential race is too close to call, with each side terrified that awful things will happen if the other candidate is elected. What a weird national mindset that is. We are ideologically divided. The Tea Party and Occupy extremists seem to have lost their credibility, but that hasn't brought us closer to center, or to each other, as a nation yet. One thing we all agree on - the government has lost its way. We are only divided on what we need to do to fix it.

It has been a long time since there was a national mandate in a presidential election. According to my research, it would have been 1984, when Ronald Reagan was re-elected by a landslide. At the time, I was not a Reagan supporter. In retrospect, I think he and Nancy did a good job in certain respects. The funny thing is that his policies (that many of us considered too right-wing then) now wouldn't be enough to win him the support of the current Republican party, so far to the right has the GOP moved.

I never thought I would say this, but we could sure use a guy like Reagan right now. Doesn't that make me sound old?

But how long can a nation stand so evenly divided, so angry, and so afraid?

The only answer I can think of? Oppan Gangnam Style! When in doubt, dance.

I guess things haven't changed so much over the past quarter century. Then I was seeing as many Grateful Dead shows as I could, always hoping to hear my favorite songs, including this one (Throwin' Stones), whose lyrics described the situation then just as it feels now.

"So the kids they dance
And shake their bones,
And the politicians throwin' stones,
Singing ashes, ashes, all fall down.
Ashes, ashes, all fall down."

Where we Find Higher Power

"If that which you seek you find not within yourself, you will never find it without."
Doreen Valiente, from The Charge of the Goddess

A September 29th post by Alan Miller to the CNN Belief Blog entitled "My Take: I'm Spiritual but not Religious is a Cop-Out" spawned so many angry comments that Mr. Miller needed to post again on October 2 in response to those thousands of comments (mine amongst them).

As a blogger, I stand in defense of any writer posting their opinion. And, I am probably a wee bit jealous. Eight thousand plus comments is pretty awesome, even if the vast majority of comments are negative. Obviously Miller struck a nerve, which is what every good blogger wants to do.

In the original post, Miller says that fewer and fewer westerners are identifying themselves as members of a specific religion. I assume from the tone of his article that when he says "religion" he primarily means an Abrahamic religion, and most specifically a Christian religion.

He also says that many people are identifying themselves as "spiritual." Spiritual people, he says, may do a bit of yoga, a bit of philosophy and a bit of meditation, but are not committed to anything. He also seems to be alarmed at the growing number of people who identify as atheist.

For Miller, this new spiritual identity is vacuous, shallow and self-centered. He feels it lacks unity, and lacks a commitment to any set of rules, authority or larger aspirations.

On the other side, he sees the weakening of the mainline Christian churches (he identifies the new "Prosperity Gospel" churches on the side of spiritual but not religious) as an odious societal trend. And here is where he makes a leap of logic that seems indefensible.

Miller suggests that since literacy, art and music were influenced so strongly by early Christianity, had there not been Christianity we would have no literacy, art or music today.

Um, how does this make any sense at all? As humans, we are creative by nature. If not inspired by the Christian religion, I am sure we would have found something else to fan our creative fires. If I remember my history correctly, the artists, musicians and writers of the time were limited to Christian subject matter under pain of death. Perhaps we would have an even greater creative heritage had those limitations not existed.

In those who identify as spiritual, Miller finds self-absorption and lack of commitment. I must admit I have known quite a few self-absorbed yoginis, but I have also known some self-absorbed Christians.

Miller sees this new spirituality as a therapy to help people feel better, rather than a commitment to something greater. My question to him is this. Isn't healing something greater? Isn't the commitment to heal ourselves, heal each other and heal the planet the bottom line? Didn't Jesus send his own followers to heal the sick?

Another problem cited by Miller is that in the spiritual community there is no central doctrine. Everyone believes what they want to believe. Again, I am not sure I see the problem here.

A lot of people get really hung up by the "God" word. I prefer to use the term "Higher Power," since it seems more inclusive, and doesn't evoke the "Angry Sky Daddy" that so many of us find distasteful and harmful. But, as I see it, the truth is this. Whatever name we use for Higher Power, and whatever method we use to find Higher Power, we are each taking our own path to get to the same place.

Yes, spirituality is more personal than religion. We don't recite creeds that were written for us; we look within our hearts to find our creed.

Miller suggests that without a commitment to a specific dogma there is danger of moral decay. I think most people are more likely to hold themselves to the creed of their heart, versus a creed that has been thrust upon them.

Miller suggests that the spiritual community is lazy, and incapable of spiritual study. I think nothing could be further from the truth. When you need to seek your own path you have to work a lot harder than if you simply swallow something that is handed to you.

If people are leaving churches in search of something that seems more real and more healing, it is not that they are failing their Higher Power. It is that the churches' human leadership has failed the people.

Many of the practices and philosophies studied by spiritual people actually pre-date Christianity. That people are mixing cultures and sampling from different spiritual plates seems to prove my earlier point - all roads lead to the same place.

In his rebuttal to his commenters, Miller suggests it is inappropriate that atheists feel oppressed in the United States. While I am not atheist, I do feel for those who must handle money with the "God" word stamped on it, and who must endure a presidential election where the biggest issue seems to be how many times the word "God" is cited in the party platform. I feel for my fellow citizens who must follow laws passed to appease a god in which they have no belief.

If God is real, then God is everywhere. God is in our hearts, in our minds, and in our homes. God is only in our churches when we allow God to be in our churches. Whether identified as God, Goddess, Spirit, Higher Power or Flying Spaghetti Monster, our ability to connect with Higher Power is enhanced when we seek Higher Power in the way that resonates in our own hearts and minds. The unity we find in that is greater than any dogma, or any one scripture. That unity is incorruptible, unlike our priests and churches.

If God is real, then God is present where I have felt God to be present - at drum circles, tarot study groups, music festivals, Pagan rituals, kirtan, yoga class, the mountains and the beach. God is big enough to be in all those places, and more.

It is a very small god who is available only in a church.