Seven Steps to Help You Hear Your Calling

The term “calling” is often used to describe the urge to embrace a religious vocation. But religious or not, we all have a calling. We all have gifts and talents to share. We all have a purpose.

Some people hear their calling early in life and have meaningful careers that support them financially and provide satisfaction and a sense of identity.

Others have jobs to sustain them and find their calling to be something they do for pleasure rather than profit.

There are people of all ages who haven’t heard their calling; people who wonder what they are “supposed” to be doing with their lives. Some people just don’t know where their passions lie. Some people don’t know what makes them happy.

If you are still searching for your calling, here are seven steps to help you find it.

1. First, relax. It doesn’t matter how old or how young you are. Finding your calling is a process, and the process is as valuable as the destination. Enjoy your journey even if you don’t yet know where your journey is leading you.
2. Seek insight. Meditate, do yoga, have a tarot reading or go to church. Whatever your spiritual beliefs are, remember that seeking your calling is a spiritual pursuit.
3. Release fear. That includes fear of success, fear of failure, fear of getting it wrong, fear of responsibility, fear of disappointing others with your choices.
4. Think outside the box. There are a lot of vocations that didn’t exist until someone decided to try them.
5. Don’t be afraid of school. You may need training to follow your calling. That’s okay.
6. Think like a child. See the world around you from a child’s perspective, with no limitations and with a willingness to learn.
7. Believe in yourself. Know that you have a purpose, and the ability to fulfill that purpose.

Everyone has something important to do. Some people don’t find their calling until the second part of their life. Some people know it when they are in middle school. You calling may or may not be your profession, but it is something that will bring meaning to your life.

It’s never too late or too early to listen for your calling.

Seven Reasons to Wave the Flag this Week

American patriotic holiday celebrations sometimes make me cringe just a little. I am not sure of the purpose of declaring one’s country the “Greatest Nation on Earth.” Why can’t we celebrate the greatness of all nations, and of all cultures, along with our own?

I have pride in my country, just as I am sure most people do. When I say “most people” I mean that people of every country have pride in their country.

I also know that friendly competition is healthy. In sports and in the marketplace vying with competitors creates excellence.

I know, too, that different nations and different cultures have ideals that are different than ours, and in some cases those ideals could be mutually exclusive. That’s why I am grateful for our military in which many of my family members have proudly served.

But I think it is time that we started to see ourselves as citizens of a planet, in addition to being citizens of a country. Instead of asking a Higher Power to bless the USA, why not ask that Higher Power to bless the whole planet?

I would like to see a bit less competition and a bit more cooperation around the globe, at least at the times and in the places where that is possible.

At the same time, there are some things that make the United States of America unique in the world. Here are seven great things about the United States to celebrate on this July Fourth.

1. When suspected of a crime, we are innocent until proven guilty. To Americans this is just common sense. But the presumption of innocence in our system of jurisprudence is fairly unique on the planet, and truly a source of my national pride.
2. We do not have a national religion. I know there are some Americans who are not proud of that fact, but it is one of the founding principles of the United States. And it is a good principle because with it come true religious freedom. The ability to worship how one wants, and if one wants, is a priceless freedom that many world citizens do not enjoy.
3. Our land is vast, beautiful, and rich in biodiversity and resources. Yes, I wish we honored our land a bit better, but we are working on that. It is hard not to see our oceans, our mountains, our flora and fauna and not feel a sense of pride and gratitude.
4. Our culture is defined by its diversity. As much as we struggle with issues of race and diversity, we are unique in that we are all products of the melting pot.  In many countries the citizenry is comprised almost entirely of one race and culture. To be an American is to celebrate a richness of foods, languages and histories while at the same time sharing a singular commonality. We trace our roots and heritage to all parts of the globe, and yet we are all American.
5. We have freedom of speech. Again, this is something that is easy to take for granted. We grew up saying “It’s a free country” as a smart retort to one another. But not every country’s citizens can say that. In fact, in some countries one can be jailed for something one says. Think about that.
6. The American “can-do” attitude really exists.  American ingenuity is real and unique. It’s part of our culture. We have a sense that if we try hard enough and think outside the box we can achieve whatever we want. It is in our culture to believe that anything is possible. This belief that is instilled in each of us is perhaps the greatest American value of all.
7. Our Constitution is a work of art. Checks and balances, the Bill of Rights, and the foresight to protect us from inevitable human nature – our Constitution contains all that and more. The brilliance of our Founding Fathers (though they were certainly products of their time) cannot be understated.

With failed policies, a faltering economy and divided philosophies, many Americans are feeling disappointed, disillusioned and disenfranchised this Independence Day. But there are still a lot of great reasons to wave the flag, and even more reasons to have faith in a great future for our great nation.

True Love Beats the Mythical Soul Mate Every Time

I think I’m both lucky and smart in love. I’m lucky because I married a great guy almost twenty years ago. I’m smart because I am able to use tarot and intuition to help all sorts of people in all kinds of love life situations. Just as nothing can be more joyful than love, nothing can be more frustrating and painful than romantic difficulties.

Over the many years I’ve spent helping people sort out their heartaches a few things have become clear to me. Here’s one of them.

People of all genders, all ages and all sexual orientations have one thing in common – we all want romantic love.  Well, not all people want romantic love– but most do.

Many people are lucky to find a relationship that suits their needs. They settle nicely into lifelong relationships. One thing most of those people will tell you if you ask is this. Maintaining a relationship is hard work. Even when you are with the right person, even when you are head-over-heels in love for decades, relationships require a lot patience, compromise, compassion and communication. The other thing they will tell you is that it is worth it all of that, and more.

Many other people are still searching for a right partner, or healing from something that didn’t work out.

One term I hear often from those who are searching and healing, but not from those who are happily partnered, is “soul mate.” Very rarely will I hear a person who’s been happily married for two decades refer to their spouse as a “soul mate.” Single people are looking for their soul mate. Recently jilted people are saying “But I thought we were soul mates!” There are spiritual leaders who make a lot of money telling lonely people how to find their “soul mate”.

I wish they would all use a different term.

“Soul mate” is a good term to use to describe someone who shares your values and ideology, or someone with whom you have a deep spiritual connection. A soul mate can be a creative partner or a work partner. A soul mate can be a person with whom you have a past life karmic connection. But to describe a workable love relationship as a “soul mate” relationship sets up unreasonable expectations. In many cases setting up those expectations causes single people to fail to find a workable partner and causes love partnerships to fail.

You could say this is simply an argument of semantics. If a person wants to use a particular term, what’s the harm?

In my mind, the harm is this. Finding and maintaining a relationship is hard enough without putting that kind of pressure on it.

Beyond that, the concept of “soul mate” in this context suggests that there is just one person who has been somehow spiritually ordained as a right partner for you. If you somehow fail to find that person, you had better get twenty cats and learn to knit.

There truth is this. There are many potential partners on the planet for each of us.

Often in the beginning of a relationship when the chemistry is really good and the couple is focusing on their similarities rather than their differences they will decide they are soul mates. When they break up a year later they may feel as if they have somehow messed up their one shot at love.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between great chemistry and a spiritual mandate.

Are there relationships that are indeed spiritually mandated? I believe that everything happens for a reason. If you have a lousy relationship perhaps there is something you need to learn from it. If you have a great relationship maybe there is a clear purpose for you to be together. Spirit is always present. If something doesn’t happen it is because Spirit didn’t ordain it.

Another problem with the soul mate concept is it may cause single people to be too picky. Yes, we need to be selective in love. On the other hand, if you are waiting for perfection you will be waiting for a very long time. Cue the kitties.

Long term relationships aren’t for the squeamish. But for those who are lucky enough to find one and make it work the rewards are spectacular. I think the process would be easier if we were looking for a true love with a decent human partner rather than a mythical “soul mate.”

Food and Attitude: The Missed Opportunities of Paula Deen

I have never seen Paula Deen in action. I have never watched the Food Network. The only reason I know about Paula Deen, other than her two recent controversies, is that I saw her face on a magazine in Publix and loved her bright blue eyes and white curly hair.

When I heard about her ironic-but-expected diagnoses of diabetes I was not unsympathetic, but I wondered about the integrity of a person who would encourage people to kill themselves with the standard American diet (SAD for short). Once she was diagnosed she had the opportunity to make a real difference and educate the American public about how comfort food doesn’t lead to comfort, but she didn’t. That she hid her disease for years and continued to push the dangerous drugs of fat and sugar was reprehensible.

And now we discover she is a racist.

The thing is, both her racism and her diet come from the same cultural roots. On some level, we have to have sympathy for cultural ignorance. And, as the song from “Avenue Q” says, “Everybody’s a Little Racist.”

I think this recent Paula Deen scandal opened an opportunity for us to really talk about race and culture in a way that could have been healing and helpful.

But here’s the problem. Paula Deen doesn’t take opportunities for healing. Paula Deen doesn’t take responsibility for her actions, or for her need to grow. When asked about her use of the “n word” Paula justified it by saying she “didn’t feel real favorable towards him.” Deen’s lousy grammar aside, this statement says everything we need to know about Paula Deen. Deen feels that anger justifies the use of a racial slur.

I’ve been angry at people of all different races. I know a lot of off-color words one could use in anger that don’t make reference to race. Deen could have called the man who held a gun to her head an a*shole, a f*ckwad or a sh*thead and been perfectly justified. That she made it about race and justified it after the fact tell us everything we need to know.

For Deen, the race of the individual explains the individual’s actions. If a person of color did something wrong, they did it because of the color of their skin.

We understand that Paula Deen came from a family who owned slaves. A lot of us trace our roots to that regrettable time in American history. We can’t change the past. But when given the chance to help all of America heal and grow, Paula Deen simply used her culture to justify her attitude.

Paula Deen is not the only racist in the public eye. Ann Coulter recently made some inflammatory racist comments wrapped in misguided national pride. But Ann Coulter makes a living being offensive. She does it for attention, and she does it because she knows it’s shocking. Paula Deen is the worst kind of racist because she is too ignorant to realize she’s wrong.

On two occasions now the Universe has given Paula Deen the opportunity for redemption. She could have used her formidable position to help educate Americans about the dangers of comfort food once she had experienced them for herself. She could have helped us understand the racism inherent in our culture and understand why we have to grow beyond it. But she didn’t.

I will probably never watch the Food Network. But I am pleased with the stand they have taken. It is impossible to be an apologist for Paula Deen without being a contributor to the poor physical and moral health of our country.

It’s too bad. I still appreciate her blue eyes, and that she rocks her white hair so well. She is, and will always be, an American icon. In many ways she is an example of perseverance, and of using what you have to get where you want to be. In those ways it is easy to admire her.

None of us is perfect. But Paula Deen has shown no interest in using her situation to help anyone. That she is a product of her culture is understandable. That she refuses to use her position to make a difference for our country is not. I don’t want to poison myself by swallowing her foods or her attitudes.

The Cultural Value of Star Trek

I’ve never identified myself as a “Trekkie” or a “Trekker.” I don’t go to conventions or speak Klingon. But I do have a deep appreciate of the Star Trek franchise. Seeing the recently released feature film “Star Trek: Into the Darkness” got me thinking about why I value Star Trek so much. Other than the shear entertainment value of it, of course.

I should disclose this fact, too. Over the past few years I have been systematically watching all the Star Trek series on Netflix. I’ve now seen all of Voyager and Deep Space Nine. I’m currently working my way through Next Generation.  And, yes, I have seen every Star Trek movie ever made.

Although I loved “Into the Darkness” I was a bit peeved with J.J. Abrams for messing with the original time line. No tribble should have been present on the Enterprise at this point in the time line, and Chris Pike needs to be available to be found in “The Menagerie” episode of the original series.

So, if not a Trekker I am at least a bona fide geek. But I believe Gene Roddenberry’s vision captured us for some very important and optimistic reasons.

Debuting in 1966, the original Star Trek was campy and low-tech. I remember being able to see the wires that held the Enterprise aloft. But in 1966 space was the only possible frontier where race and gender didn’t matter and exploration was more important than exploitation.

While watching the different Star Trek series I am often struck by the political truths portrayed in these fanciful fictions. What happens on fictitious worlds light years away often very clearly reflects our own struggles on planet Earth.

When klingons, ferengi, humans and bajorans are trying to understand each other on a space station at the edge of the known universe we learn a great deal about our own issues of cross-cultural communication.

Set in a distance future, Star Trek offers the hopeful vision of a time that we move beyond poverty, war, racism and sexism. Star Trek proposes that an appreciation of science, culture and nature might be all the currency we need.

And, no matter how they appear, every character, whether vulcan, android or hologram, is striving to find within themselves that defining characteristic we call humanity.

Lessons from the Garden

After threatening to do this for some time and a few feeble attempts, I am finally gardening with some good results.

I am humbled by the feeling of helping things grow and the honor of watching life happen day-to-day.

There are so many lessons that come up for me as I tend my garden.

One lesson is about selective nurturing.

I was initially thrilled that I have snails in my garden. I think snails are really cute.

I was devastated when I realized they were harming my plants. I could nurture the snails or the plants, but not both.

Life is like that, too. We have to decide what our focus will be, and sometimes ruthlessly favor one thing over another, depending on our goals.

Another lesson is about where we put our energy.

When tending a plant it is best to cut off old blooms and damaged leaves. That way the plant can put all its energy into new growth. Wouldn’t it be great if we could let go of our own damage so easily?

For me this has become a useful image. Am I putting energy into sustaining damage that no longer serves me? Can I simply remove that damage, heal, and put my energy into new growth instead?

Plants make everything seem so simple.

The Hero

While at the movie theater waiting for the new Star Trek movie to start (Awesome!) I saw a trailer advertising a new reality TV show scheduled to start on TNT on June 6.

It’s called “The Hero”.  Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson stars as nine contestants endure weekly tests of physical strength, courage and character. In the end, America will decide which one deserves to be named “The Hero.”

Before I begin my rant about this stupid premise, let me give two caveats.

First, I am of the wrong generation to appreciate or understand the Rock. I have never been able to smell what he is cooking.

Second, this show will probably not be any worse than many reality shows, and will certainly be better than Honey Boo-Boo.

My objection to this show is not about how little we need another reality contest show, or about the contest itself. My objection lies solely with the title.

Our heroes are important to us. Our heroes give us courage and inspiration. That most heroes are ordinary people who do extraordinary things reminds us all we are all capable of greatness.

To involve the American public in deciding who “The Hero” will be changes our perception of heroism, and not for the better.

Heroes are not heroes because they expect to be, or try to be. Heroism doesn’t hold auditions. The opportunity to be a hero is not limited to nine people chosen from many. The goal of a hero is not to be recognized as a hero. Many heroes are just people who made a snap decision to do the hard right thing in a difficult circumstance.

If you want to be a hero, don’t waste your time watching mindless television wishing you had the opportunity to compete.

If you want to be a hero, recognize your own potential for greatness.

If you want to be a hero, join the armed forces or the Peace Corps. If you want to be a hero, teach an illiterate person to read. Become a living kidney donor. Pay the rent for a homeless family. Volunteer at a community center. Become a foster parent. Rescue animals. Go to the gym. Grow food. Write an inspiring poem. Overcome your own adversity.

If you find yourself in an emergency situation, think about others before you think about yourself. Value the lives of the people around you, perhaps more than your own.

Remember that courage isn’t the absence of fear. Courage is doing the right thing anyway.

Another problem with the premise of “The Hero” is that the nine candidates are competing against each other. Only one can be named “The Hero”.

Heroism isn’t about competition, it’s about cooperation. And we can all be heroes. There is never a limit to the number of strong, brave, selfless people there can be.

Most heroes don’t do what they do for recognition. Heroes do what they do because it is the right thing to do.

The Rock’s new show might be very entertaining. But let’s not let Dwayne Johnson cheapen our understanding of heroism.

Hear Without Fear

What if we could consciously put aside our expectations, our prejudices and our cultural conditioning? What if we could really talk with each other and hear each other without an expectation of agreement?

What if we each spoke our truth without the fear of judgment?

What if we were able to hear each other’s’ truths without judging?

What if we stopped categorizing everything as right and wrong, and instead simply listened to each other and honored each other’s feelings, whether or not we agreed?

Elections and demonstrations can’t heal our division. Anger only makes us more divided.

If we could speak and listen in a space of no fear, what might we be able to accomplish together?

Making a Case for Good Manners

There seem to be people who believe that being polite equals being false. These people suggest that it is impossible to be honest and be nice at the same time.

I think these people lack intelligence as well as good manners.

In 2013 manners are not about when to stand and what to wear, or which fork to use.

Modern manners are about compassion, and making people feel comfortable.

Even when we need to give bad news or have an uncomfortable conversation, there are always ways to be kind.

None of us is perfect in this regard. We all are capable of rude behavior from time to time. But striving to be kind and thoughtful is never a sign of weakness or falseness.

Whatever our career or circumstances, interaction with others is a daily necessity. Why not make it a pleasant one?

There are even polite ways to stand up for ourselves.

Years ago my Grandmother gave me a book entitled “The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense.” With humor and intelligence this book gave great ways of effectively and politely standing up for oneself.

Being gentle in our tone, considerate in our actions and compassionate in our phrasing in no way dilutes our message.

If we find ourselves in an altercation the surest way to win is to maintain temper when our adversary doesn’t. Well-chosen, well-modulated words allow us to speak our truth in a way that cannot be easily dismissed.

In any social or business situation we always have a choice about how we present ourselves. When we chose compassion over anger, patience over impatience and kindness over rudeness, we improve our reputation, our own mood and the environment of the people around us. What about that could possibly be weak or false?

Skipper’s Smokehouse

I have been to my share of restaurants, nightclubs and cafes in many parts of the world. This is why it is no small thing when I say that Skipper’s Smokehouse in Tampa, FL is by far the coolest, most unique establishment I have ever visited.

Skipper’s is a fish-shack sort of a restaurant and bar. The only food I have eaten there so far is one deep-fried mushroom, which was awesome. I assume I will try a meal there before too long.

Skipper’s has many small buildings that connect one to another, leaving an open-air area in the middle, which is the music venue. There are huge trees that seem to be incorporated into the structures and provide something of a ceiling for the music venue. I would probably choose not to see a band in the rain.

The way it is set up you can have a meal and hear the music without paying the cover for the band, but if you want to be in front of the band and on the dance floor, you pay the seven dollar cover.

The prices, overall, seem very reasonable – especially after five years in South Florida where everything is overpriced.

I was at Skipper’s last Thursday to get my Grateful Dead fix. Every Thursday is Grateful Dead night at Skippers, featuring Uncle John’s Band. Yes, they rock.

One of the things that makes Skipper’s so unusual is that they have a live band every night of the week. I haven’t known a club to do this since Toad’s Place in New Haven before Connecticut raised the drinking age to 21.

Skipper’s is decorated in graffiti art. Even the (clean) women’s room has inspirational graffiti scrawled in the stalls.

One of the oddest (and most fun) thing I noticed at Skippers were a rack of guest hoops. Yes, if you want to hoop to the music, go for it.

The scene Thursday night was tremendously cool. Under the canopy of trees and stars children, young adults and senior citizens danced together. Vendors in the back sold tie dyes and jewelry. People watched the band while munching on fish, fries and wings.

All I can say is I can’t wait for next Thursday.