When There's a Shadow on the Queen's Throne

I’ve noticed an unfortunate social phenomenon in the world of local-level pro diviners.

That I’ve only seen this phenomenon amongst local readers in metaphysical shops and psychic fairs in various cities, versus readers with national and international businesses, may be significant. It’s possible that, without mitigation, the condition I see may preclude many readers’ ability to rise to the top of their game, even if their skills are remarkable.

I have to describe this phenomenon in a way that is gender-biased and heteronormative. I apologize for this, and recognize that the circumstance I am going to describe could potentially happen between people of any gender.

I think there is a reason my experience of this phenomenon is limited to the husband-and-wife gender dynamic, and that reason isn’t pretty – it’s a reflection of our current social norms that still reflect age-old traditions of misogyny.

What I want to discuss is a certain disrespectful and unsupportive tone I have seen the husbands of female professional diviners take in regards to their wives’ psychic work.

This is in sharp contrast to the many spouses (including my own), who support their partner’s careers and good naturedly put up with the many unusual inconveniences that come with the territory.

I’m not talking about a husband’s strong religious objection to their wife’s tarot reading. In cases like that, a woman almost always ultimately has to choose between honoring her marriage and honoring her own spiritual nature.

What I’m talking about is the husband who makes no obvious impediment to his wife’s work, but also does nothing to help, nor to show support.

Worse, these otherwise-good-guys subtly ridicule their beloveds’ aspirations, goals and skills.

Sometimes even seemingly supportive husbands can manage to marginalize their divining wives by confusing a career with a hobby, being patronizing toward clients and students, or de-prioritizing her important career responsibilities.

Professional divination is a difficult (though rewarding) career. To be successful you must be talented, studied, diligent and fearless. You must believe in yourself and your calling one hundred percent. Having your most intimate partner whispering their lack of belief in you and lack of support for what you are doing makes it harder to believe in yourself, and to muster the courage you need to successfully market yourself.

Sales and marketing is perhaps the hardest part of a professional diviner’s career. I often joke that if we had wanted to be sales execs we would have studied marketing in college and would be a lot wealthier now.

Typically, professional mystics don’t have the budget to hire an agent, or a PR person, or a marketing person. We have to do these tasks ourselves, even though marketing is usually not in our comfort zone.

So much of marketing and sales is tonal. Typically, women who experience disrespect and mockery (even good-natured) at home take a somewhat apologetic and self-deprecating tone when they talk about their work. Even when the words are perfect, their tone communicates that they do not believe in themselves fully.

Psychic work, by its very nature, requires a certain amount of belief. It is hard to get a client to believe in you if your tone says you don’t believe in yourself.

Why do these otherwise decent husbands disrespect their wives’ choices, skills and beliefs so often, and so easily?

It may be fear of being outside the social norm. It may be concern for the stressors of an entrepreneurial career. It may simply be a lack of imagination.

In some cases, it seems to me that what really scares non-metaphysical husbands of witchy wives is the possibility that their wives might know too much about them. Poo-pooing the wisdom of an oracle wife may be an act of self-protection.

Years ago, men feared that their wives might be witches, and often blamed their impotence, illnesses and infidelity on sorcery.

I wonder if, on some subconscious level, this fear continues in our culture. I wonder if less-than- supportive husbands of female diviners really do, on some level, fear that their wives may have some knowledge or power that they do not. Perhaps their mockery and dismissal of their wives’ abilities and interests is borne of that archaic fear of witchcraft.

What can you do if this is your story – if you want to expand as a professional diviner but are married to a decent guy who marginalizes your skills and your calling, and thereby, you?

If you want to keep your marriage, you need to start by agreeing to love him anyway, and to appreciate all the things that work in your partnership.

However, if you want to keep and grow your tarot career, you need to shield yourself against the subtle-but-constant assault on your character and intelligence.

You need to recognize how unintentionally damaging your husband’s attitude can be to your own self-confidence, and thereby your ability to market yourself effectively.

You might try calmly explaining to your husband that his behavior is, in fact, an attack on your character and a demonstrated lack of respect, and you are sure he doesn’t intend that.

Whether or not that is effective, there are things you can do to mitigate the damage.

First, don’t take the things he says, or his energy toward your divination, personally.

Secondly, you must marginalize his views on this topic in the same way he marginalizes yours.

Even itoday, there is something in western society that says that in a male-female partnership, the opinion of the man is more valid the opinion of the woman. Somehow, in many castles, the king is still more important than the queen. Whatever the gender dynamic of your marriage may be, in the arena of your psychic work, you cannot let that happen. You must not let yourself feel marginalized, and you must yourself marginalize his dismissive attitudes toward your work.

Third, you must surround yourself with supportive people.

At many conferences, classes and events we get to meet the supportive spouses of our most successful diviners. Many of us are lucky to have partners who coach us, drive us, and act as our chefs, roadies, tech support and homemakers as we build our careers.

Single diviners, those with busy spouses, and those with unsupportive partners have to learn to ask for help. That’s harder to do if you have already been taught by your unsupportive partner that what you are doing isn’t valuable.

This is probably the most important step to mitigate your situation if you are a diviner with career aspirations and a husband who just doesn’t get it.

Know the value of your work, and surround yourself with others who know the value of your work. Don’t let your husband’s devaluing of what you do into your own field of vision.

As you become more successful, you might earn your husband’s respect because money talks, hard work is impressive, and what we do really is admired by many people.   If that happens, it’s a good thing. Don’t expect his change of heart, and don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t happen. As long as you respect yourself and your work, you can be successful without his cheerleading.

Women constantly need to remind the world that we are powerful, and that we cannot, and will not, be dismissed or sidelined.

If you are a divining woman married to a man who marginalizes your skills and abilities, you must find your own internal source of inner support, faith and confidence.

Perhaps, to be the diviners we want to be, we must all find the strength to stand in our own power, no matter what exists in our lives to make that difficult.

Tarot and the Woman Alone

A recent conversation got me thinking, once again, about tarot and feminism. I think about tarot and feminism a lot. I like feminist tarot decks. I like to think about the ways women are portrayed in tarot. I like to see how societal attitudes about women are reflected in tarot art and archetypes. I like to think about tarot and culture in general.

I notice that a lot of tarot readers and clients are female. Often we use the cards to find our power and strength as women.
The irony is this. Tarot, as a device that emerged from Renaissance Italy, is, by its very nature, not feminist. Tarot is also not inclusive in many other ways.

And yet, tarot is totally inclusive and totally without prejudice in the way it operates. Tarot speaks to all of us, if we let it.

To make tarot more inclusive, modern tarot artists and authors have produced decks that show people of various ages, ethnicities and sizes. The Court cards are often redefined to be less patriarchal. Some of the classic-but-misogynistic interpretations of certain cards are falling out of favor with modern tarotists. Those old-fashioned interpretations are being replaced with interpretations that regard powerful, truthful women as positive and helpful rather than negative and dangerous.

The thing is, every tool, every text and every artwork is a product of its times, no matter how sacred and meaningful it might be. As we grow and evolve, we have to find a way to allow our sacred tools to grow with us. Tarot never seems to have a problem doing that.

Women, and feminine energy, are portrayed in tarot in many different ways. Today I am thinking about two Minor Arcana cards that traditionally indicate “a woman alone.” It’s interesting to think about how our feelings about women’s relationships and behaviors have changed in the 500 years of tarot’s existence.

The first card I want to discuss is the Queen of Swords. Traditionally, the Queen of Swords is, of the four Queens, the Queen most likely to be widowed, single, childless or divorced.

Historically, the Queen of Swords is unfortunate, sad, or ill-tempered. One wonders which came first, her poor temperament or her single status.

In many older tarot books the Queen of Swords is accompanied by interpretations such as “Don’t trust this woman!” Typically, the Queen of Swords is seen as sharp-tongued.  I think the reason for this is her association with the element of Air.

As the Queen of Air, the Queen of Swords is compelled to speak the truth, and to speak her mind. In a society where women are expected to be silent and to have no opinions, the Queen of Swords would be quite unwelcome.

Today, the Queen of Swords can be a business leader, a trustworthy companion, a teacher, writer or student, or the friend who will indeed tell you that you dress makes your butt look huge.

Truly, the essence of the card itself has not changed. Our ability to value the intelligence of a woman has.

The second “woman alone” card is the Nine of Pentacles. Key words for this card often include “security” and “inheritance.” What we see in the RWS (Rider Waite Smith) image is a woman whose security and autonomy comes from the protection of her father. Here, there is family money. She remains alone in her garden unmolested because she enjoys the privilege of wealth and position.

Today, we often interpret the Nine of Pentacles as being secure in oneself. That is, secure enough to be happily single. We may see the Nine of Pentacles as a woman who is able to pay her own way, or to create her own security. Today, she is under her own protection, rather than that of male relative.

Over time, it seems the energy around these two cards has changed, just as our perception of women has changed.
In their traditional archetypes, each card might be seen as expressing a certain level of misogyny.

The Queen of Swords is undesirable because she speaks her truth, and in her undesirability she is unhappy and unenviable.

The Nine of Pentacles is secure not because of her own strength, but because of the male protection afforded her.

Today, we may see both these cards as symbols of feminine empowerment. Today, both these cards remind us that it is fine to be single. Both these cards now affirm our strength, and our ability to be self-determining.

While the archetypes in tarot remain fixed, our attitudes about those archetypes change. In many ways, tarot becomes not just a mirror of the self, but also a reflection of our changing society.

Don’t Call me Goddess

Can you imagine if you visited a Christian church and discovered all the parishioners referring to each other as “God”?  Even though the Holy Spirit is present in each church, and seen in the loving actions of each Christian, the title of “God” is usually reserved for the Creator.

 

Many religions have in their doctrine a concept of Higher Power being actively with us, or a part of us.  There is a spark of divinity within us all.  In India, the traditional gesture that accompanies the greeting “Namaste,” is an honoring of that divinity.

 

In modern neo-paganism, divinity is no less present within and around us.  When I left the Christian church of my youth I never felt I was turning my back on one deity in favor of another.  From my perspective I honor the same Higher Power I always have.  The rituals are different, the images are different, but the Higher Power is the same.  I understand Higher Power more easily as loving mother than angry sky daddy.  I think God/dess is big enough to be both, and more.

 

When I first came to Paganism twenty-five years ago, I never heard mortal women referred to as “goddesses.”  The Goddess was our deity, known by many names.  We mortal women were her priestesses.

 

We saw Her face in the face of Her priestesses.  We strove to channel Her holy light.  But never did we presume to actually be Her.  We only tried to reflect and channel Her wisdom.

 

Now, no day passes that I do not see some reference to women as “goddesses.”  A healer describes herself as a “goddess” on her website.  A post on a drum circle thanks the many “goddesses” for their fine dancing.  A circle invitation reads “calling all goddesses.”

 

When I “call all Goddesses” I am invoking Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate… To me they are real aspects of holiness, just as are the Catholic saints, or the Christian Redeemer.  When I “call all Goddesses” I am not inviting a bunch of my girlfriends to a party.

 

I can’t help but feel that when we use the term “goddess” to describe ourselves we are disrespecting and endangering the worship of the Feminine Divine.  I see this as another attempt to un-deify the Goddess in a way that is more dangerous than ever before, because we ourselves are doing it.

 

I know I am in the small minority here, but I am sounding the alarm.  All Pagans who honor Higher Power as feminine might consider that if we claim the name “goddess” for human women, we may lose the concept of “Goddess” as divine.  We shouldn’t need to disempower the face of divinity in order to empower ourselves.

 

Today there is a great movement to disempower women in the world.  I can’t help but see a connection.  Modern spiritual women are right to seek respect and empowerment, and right to see feminine divinity within themselves.  But if we conceptually become the Goddess, we have made the divine mundane, and have played into the hands of those who want to disempower us.

 

I know that when people refer to me as “goddess,” it is done as a sign of respect.  I appreciate that, but the term “priestess” will do better.

 

I am not the Goddess.  I am Her priestess.  There is a difference.