Five Things I Learned Last Year as a Tarotist and as a Human

One of the things I love about being a tarot professional is that I am always learning. Never will there be a time when I know everything there is to know about tarot, psychism, writing, reading for others, and teaching others. To be a tarot professional is to be an eternal student.

My spiritual belief system is based on the idea that life is all about healing and learning.

Sometimes lessons come from difficulties. This year I have learned a lot, not because I took time to study, but because the strange and difficult year made it necessary for me to learn. Here, in no particular order, are some things I learned from 2020. Some are things I had known earlier, but this past year brought them into a sharper focus. Some of them were brand new realizations. The first two lessons are specific to being a tarot professional, the rest are about being human.

When looking to the future as a psychic, it is hard, or maybe impossible, to predict what one cannot imagine.

I have always known that imagination is a huge aspect of tarot reading. It has to be so, because the imagination is seated in the brow chakra (third eye) along with our psychic vision.

When I looked toward the future from the relative safety of 2019, I didn’t see a global pandemic because I couldn’t imagine such a thing. Yet, I did see a lot of things in the readings of individuals that didn’t make sense until the pandemic hit. That leads me to the second lesson.

We can piece together information about our collective future when looking at trends in individual readings.

When I did new year readings for people at the beginning of 2020, I saw a lot of cancelled trips. I saw people being able to work from home. I saw people’s kids going to school from home. In those moments, many of my clients thought I had lost my mind. “My boss would never allow us to work from home.” There is no way I am going to homeschool my child.” “We’ve been planning this trip for years”.

A few months later, those same clients reached out to thank me for the heads up on the pandemic.

The good news is that reading for many people over the past year gives me great confidence in our collective future. While I have seen the worst effects of the pandemic for some people, I know, in the end, our society will emerge from this. I know this because so many people have bright futures appear in the cards. I see weddings, new homes, new babies, and college graduations, just as I always have.

It is important to be flexible.

This past year, many of us had to pivot quickly; to change plans, formats, income streams, and family routines. The more we could be flexible in our thinking, the happier we were. The more we were inventive in our problem-solving, the more successful we were.

When we resist inevitable change, we stop growing. This is a huge life lesson which every person must learn; 2020 made it obvious.

Online communities and gatherings can be uplifting, nurturing, and fun.

Teaching and community-building is my one of my favorite parts of my work. When the pandemic had me cancel all my classes and in-person gatherings in my new community center, I was sad.

Yet, a quick pivot to Zoom and livestreaming on Facebook and YouTube turned out to be a gift. Moving our first annual tarot conference, StaarCon, to an online format avoided a disappointing cancellation. Even when we return to our regular in-person groups, classes, and meetups, I will continue to host online events, and thoroughly enjoy them.

Our ability to care for ourselves and each other is paramount.

This past year was a lesson in creative self-care for many of us. It also helped us find to ways to help others, take care of our loved ones, and stay connected with friends and family in a time of isolation.

For example, my daughter and I utilized FaceTime and YouTube to do yoga and Zumba together; a practice we plan to continue into the future. Friends from around the world scheduled regular Zoom game nights, move nights, and cocktail hours. Even when we are able to resume our normal social lives, we now have skills that will help us stay close to those we love who are at a distance.

As we begin a new year, we are hopeful for positive change, healing and restored health. Many of us will carry scars from 2020 that could last a lifetime. At the same time, we have been lucky to learn important skills and lessons that will serve us in the years ahead.

May we all be safe, well, and prosperous in 2021!

It Is Okay to Feel What You Feel

Have you ever felt shame for your feelings?

Something I often hear at the tarot table is this. “I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do”.

Sometimes the cards indicate feelings that clients are uncomfortable acknowledging.

They might be experiencing something that we see as ‘low vibrational’ or even unhealthy, like jealousy, fear, or rage.

Recently I have noticed a trend toward shaming people for their feelings. There is a term for this; ‘toxic positivity’.

Toxic positivity has always been around. I remember in my days of following the Grateful Dead from city to city many of my fellow Deadheads feared and avoided ‘bad vibes’. When I was raising my kids, I knew other parents who demanded happiness from their children, no matter what their children were actually experiencing.

The increased popularity of the Law of Attraction has led to a great deal of misunderstanding.

It’s true that our thoughts and words have power. It’s true that if we constantly say and think negative things, we are more likely to manifest negative things, or to be unable to manifest the things we desire.

The reverse is true, too. The more that we can visualize what we want, and recognize our ability to have what we want, the more likely we are to manifest it.

All of this is true, but it sometimes leads to a faulty leap of logic. People come to believe that it is wrong, unlucky, or destructive to feel sadness, grief, anger, or any other type of upset.

The problem with that is that we, as humans, are designed to experience a range of emotions. When we acknowledge uncomfortable feelings, we take the first step toward healing and transformation.

If we feel shame around acknowledging what we are feeling in the moment, we have no opportunity to heal.

It is incredibly hurtful to stay stuck in grief, sadness, fear, or anger. It is completely normal and healthy to feel those things from time to time.

Tarot has an amazing knack for showing us our feelings, especially the feelings we don’t want to acknowledge. Even better, tarot can help us find ways to hold space for our grief, and then, eventually, change our narrative and move on.

When we do this, we end up stronger and better than we were before.

If the only feelings we want to acknowledge and experience in life are ‘positive vibes’, we will end up shallow and filled with denial.

Hurt is always an opportunity for healing. Taking time and holding space for hurt and grief will not manifest more hurt and grief. In fact, the opposite is true.

Those who call themselves spiritual leaders and teachers yet cannot handle their own feelings, or the feelings of their clients, often do more harm than good. Those who shame others for harboring negativity, living in fear, or hanging on to anger are often guilty of doing the same.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience. To do that well, we must allow ourselves to be fully human.

To approach the goal of being fully healed humans, we must use our uncomfortable feelings as the impetus for personal healing and transformation. Acknowledgement and acceptance of those feelings is always the first step. Tarot can be a tool that helps us do that.

Emotional Danger

Don’t we all have someone in our lives whose way of looking at the world and interacting with others is a little bit off?

Sometimes they have actually diagnoses. Sometimes they should have a diagnosis but don’t. Sometimes their behavior is so unique that there isn’t a diagnostic category for them.

Many times these people – our lovers, our parents, our siblings, our friends or our adult kids – are harmful to us.

On the other hand, we may know people with complex diagnoses who are not harmful to us. Just because someone deals with mental or emotional problems doesn’t mean they can’t make valuable contributions in a family or social setting.

The tricky part is in knowing whether the situation is dangerous, whether we can help and what to do.

The legal litmus for whether an emotionally disturbed person can function in society is simple. They must not be a danger to themselves or a danger to others.

In that case, the danger is assumed to be specifically physical. But what happens when we find ourselves connected to someone who poses an emotional danger to us?

Here are some things to consider.

1. A person can be completely sane and still be an emotional danger. Some people trigger us in ways that aren’t helpful. Often it is not their fault. We still need to recognize it and walk away.

2. Many times people with emotional, personality and mental disorders are very charming and dynamic. We become enamored of their charisma before we realize the problems they have.

3. The biggest mistake we make is trying to understand the crazy things people do and say. We become confused and angered by contradictory statements and manipulative behavior.

4. When we love someone it is hard to believe they are actively manipulating us.

5. When we love someone we often have denial about the obviously crazy things they do.

6. Sometimes it’s hard to understand that they can’t just change their behavior overnight.

In a situation with someone who may pose emotional danger, many times our first reaction is “How can I help?”

The answer is, you may or may not be able to!

If the person is open to therapy, it might be good to start there.

Another way to help is to never take their words or actions personally. You know this is how they are, don’t let it get to you! If you can’t do that you need to walk away.

When you talk with the person about your concerns and try to help them think more logically, do it at a time when they are calm and not upset.

Sometimes there is really nothing you can do. If it is time to walk away, walk away clean. No phone calls, no texts, no lunch, no drinks. Over is over.

No one is the perfect picture of mental health. We all have issues. The people we love have issues. That’s just life. Sometimes we trigger each other’s issues. Sometimes we heal each other. Sometimes love makes a real difference in a person’s life. Sometimes love is the greatest healer.

Sometimes, though, the most loving thing we can do, for ourselves and others, is to walk away from a hurtful situation. Even when it is someone we love. Even when it is someone who claims to need us.

Knowing when to walk away or when to try to make it work is the hardest thing. Many times that decision should be based on two things.

First, what is the person’s demonstrated capacity to heal, understand, and improve?

Second, what is your capacity to not be upset by the person’s difficult behavior?

If you can’t ignore it and they can’t grow, you may have no other choice than to set the boundaries you need to protect yourself from emotional danger.

Getting Along

I'm sure many people notice synchronicity in their lives. Tarot readers may notice it more because it shows up in readings as well as in their own lives.

The sort of synchronicity I mean is this. A particular theme shows up as a type of problem that everyone seems to be having at once.

The one that happened to me this week teaches a lesson that I have already learned. So why did it show up for me? I think it showed up because I was able to offer appropriate advice that came both from my own heart and from the cards.

The theme of the week was "getting along with others." This theme showed up especially in business relationships and friendships.

When we talk about the importance of getting along I need to make one thing clear. There are times, especially with families and spouses, when we need to understand the differences between misunderstandings and abuse.

Every family will suffer misunderstandings that are born of stress, personality differences and differences of opinion. Sometimes family relationships (and romantic relationships) can become toxic and/or abusive. When this is the case we need boundaries. Sometimes we need to practice compassionate detachment and end the relationship.

The relationship issues that have come up as a theme for me this week are not about those kinds of relationships. The kinds of relationships I am addressing here are relationships that are an obvious mutual benefit but have run into trouble.

The basic question is this. What happens when you and a friend or business associate are angry with each other?

Somehow anger and hurt feelings often cause us to lose the rational, mature mind and revert to acting like pedantic children in the sandbox. Pride and ego keep us from extending the olive branch. An apology seems like a sign of weakness.

Tarot offers solutions to these problems both in the act of tarot reading and in the spiritual messages from individual cards.

Major Arcana 8, Strength, reminds us that we are strongest when we come from a place of love rather than anger. If we can initiate solving the problem in a loving way we have an opportunity to become the bigger person. It's called the high road for a reason!

Major Arcana 11, Justice, reminds us to do the right thing, no matter what. We cannot let hurt and anger define our moral compass.

Major Arcana 20, Judgment, teaches us to put closure to upsetting incidents and move forward, led by the voice of the angels.

In tarot numerology six can be about victory, glory and service. The sixes in the Minor Arcana each give us an indication of ways to handle conflict.

The Six of Swords tells us to let logic be our guide rather than emotion.

The Six of Cups reminds us to honor our longstanding relationships.

The Six of Pentacles reminds us of the need to help each other and treat each other fairly.

The Six of Wands is the card of victory. When we can handle situations with grace, ease and fairness then everyone wins!