The Problem with the Like Button

When I was driving to psychic house parties in Connecticut this August, I was grateful for Pandora on my Android. All I had to do was list some bands I like and Pandora kept me entertained with sweet tunes.

When I wasn’t driving, I would take the time to hit the thumbs up or thumbs down button on each song. Pandora learns from my likes and dislikes to play only the music I am most likely to enjoy.

That’s a good thing, right?

Maybe not; sometimes we learn to love a song after some repetition. Sometimes it’s a bit of a spiritual journey to make friends with a particular song. If I could just have hit the thumbs down on it, I would never have made the journey or heard the message.

Sometimes we find new meaning in the lyrics of the overplayed songs that bore us.  Sometimes we grow into a musical style we didn’t like before. The two bands who have brought me the most joy over the past thirty-five years were both bands I didn’t like at first.

The same thing is true with online friends. Most of us populate our social media accounts with friends who like what we like, and believe what we believe. If someone posts an opinion with which we don’t agree, it’s perfectly acceptable to simply unfriend them. We never have to deal with the fact that someone we know and respect feels differently about something than we do. One glance at our Facebook wall and we feel secure, knowing that we will never be confronted with an opinion different from our own.

The thing is, our opinions are supposed to change and evolve as we get older. It’s called “growth.”

The recent trend is that when we change the way we view a political, spiritual or societal issue, our evolution makes us a “flip-flopper,” or a “hypocrite” rather than a mature person who has consciously changed their way of thinking. When we reach out to compromise with others who have different views, others may see us as weak.
Exposure to people who have different ideas is what keeps us open and thinking.  Compromise is what keeps communities functioning.

Our various “like” buttons limit our exposure to anything that might challenge our current opinions or cause us to question ourselves, stretch or grow in any way. We may even wonder if it is actually possible to like and enjoy someone who holds beliefs that are different from our own!

I treasure my friends who are different than I am. I am interested in their opinions, even if they don’t match my own. It concerns me that this suddenly feels like a radical notion.

It’s good to try a food you think you don’t like, or listen to a band you’ve never cared for. It’s good to hear an opinion that differs from your own. It won’t kill you, and it might make you stretch you a little.

The Cards Never Shut Up

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Welcome to the Mabon Tarot Blog Hop, in celebration of the Autumnal Equinox.

Almost thirty tarot bloggers have agreed to write on the same topic at the same time. When you finish here, proceed forward to Leeza Robertson at TarotScapes, or work backward to Joanna Ash at Sun Goddess Tarot.
If you find a break in the chain, visit the Master List.

Our wrangler this turn of the Wheel is Morgan Drake Eckstein. His task for us is deceptively simple. Morgan has asked us each to share a specific experience in our development as a tarot reader when our understanding of tarot or our tarot reading skill took a giant leap forward.

Any tarotist will tell you that tarot is full of aha moments. I think that’s what keeps most of us hooked. Over twenty-one years as a professional reader my reading style has gone through a lot of changes. I’d like to think my skills are always improving.

Can I isolate one moment, one class, one reading, or one profound experience with the cards, which thrust me forward? Certainly there are many. Let me share one that came very early in my tarot journey.

The thing that constantly amazes me about the cards is their ability to be repetitive. That the same poignant card will show up over and over again has always been an indicator of tarot’s efficacy for me. I could tell many stories about specific cards which constantly appeared for me over a period of time to guide me through a difficult journey or drive a specific unwelcome-but-necessary message home.

My discovery of tarot’s ability to make one card appear frequently in a person’s life is the quantum leap story I will add to our blog hop collection.

It started when I was first learning tarot, back in the mid-1980s in New Haven, Connecticut. I had a Rider Waite Smith in the yellow box, A Motherpeace Round Tarot, a book by Vicki Noble and a book by Eden Gray. I took four classes at the local New Age shop, The Elements of Life on State Street, now long gone. I don’t remember the name of my teacher, but obviously, she was good at what she did.

At the time I was living in student apartments in the Yale-dominated East Rock neighborhood. There were people constantly coming and going; I had four housemates and plenty of friends.

Everyone was willing to let me practice my new skill on them, even the one with a secret to hide.

One of our housemates had some really erratic behavior. We all loved her, but we were all concerned. Why was she behaving so strangely?

She was happy to let me practice tarot on her. I did, with great regularity. Each and every time, no matter the question or the deck, the Seven of Swords figured prominently. There was definitely a fox in the chicken coop.

The third time I saw the Seven of Swords come up for her, I called her on it. I knew she had been lying to all of us. She smiled the way children do with their hand in the cookie jar, but she said nothing.

At that point, I was a dog with a bone. I continued to ask questions, not of my housemate querent, but of the cards themselves. Eventually I had my answer, and she had to acknowledge its truth.

My housemate was a full-blown crack addict. That solved a few mysteries!

We often hear that “The cards never lie.” It’s also true that, until the truth comes out, the cards never shut up.

The realization that the same card would insistently present itself over and over again made it easy to more fully trust the wisdom of the cards. The power of those repetitive cards caused me to organically develop a reading style that allows for multiple appearances of the same card even in a single reading.

Over time I saw that a card which appeared insistently over a period of weeks or months would suddenly disappear when a situation resolved. That same card might reappear years later, or in a reading for another person, to denote a similar situation.

Those repetitive cards helped me develop a personal relationship with, and understanding of, each card.

Over the years, repetitive cards in self-reading have marked the significant events of my own life, from the development of my tarot business (Queen of Wands) to the death of my mother (Six of Cups), and beyond.

Repetitive cards help to build relationships with clients and students as we discover together the profound depth of a single card as it appears over a period of time.

 As a tarot professional on a journey of spiritual growth, my quantum leaps in tarot advance me both professionally and personally.

May all your tarot leaps be joyous, and may you have a blessed turn of the Wheel.

Now don’t stop here! Make your own leap to the next blog in the chain!

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Money for Tarot

Those of us who practice tarot know that there can be a lot of rumor, legend and superstition about what we do. Sometimes we, ourselves, are the source of untruths and half-truths about our practices.

Often, superstitious untruths are sanctimoniously spewed by practitioners who seem to value their judgmental and didactic opinions more than they value actual study.

One such legend that pops up from time to time is this gem.

A “true” tarot reader (or teacher) doesn’t charge money to read (or teach).

The last time I heard this was at a tarot class that I happen to teach regularly for free. A student arrived with her worn tarot deck. I was excited to meet her, and her cards. It seemed at first that we were gaining a class member with some knowledge and experience.

During our class introductions, she stated she had been reading tarot for forty years. That’s longer than I have. I was duly impressed.

Then she stated that readers should never charge money for readings. I tried to clarify with her; was she talking about the neon storefront psychics who scare people into paying huge sums of money to lift the family curse? No, she wasn’t. She was talking about me, and my colleagues.

She reiterated. She truly believed it was spiritually wrong to take money for a tarot reading.

I tried to make a joke of it, saying something about supporting my kids with tarot reading (which I did for most of their young lives). My student said I should have worked at McDonalds.

Some of the other students in the room gasped audibly. Every eye in the class was on me. The seconds dragged as I mentally scrambled to find a peaceful way to solve the problem.

Finally, I said, “One thing we can all agree on is that we don’t all agree about tarot. There is no one right way to read tarot, or interpret a card. That’s why we have this class; so that we can share ideas and each discover what seems to be true about tarot for us.”

The students nodded and relaxed.

To start our program of study, I asked the students to separate out the suit of Cups and put it in to order.

Can you believe that my forty-year tarot veteran didn’t know the tarot suits, and was pretty sure the cards didn’t have a specific numeric order?

I said nothing, but the rest of the class seemed to catch the three obvious unspoken lessons.

First, owning a tarot deck is not the same as learning a tarot deck. You may have owned your deck for forty years, but that clearly doesn’t make you knowledgeable about tarot.

Second, lack of actual knowledge leaves fertile ground for legend to grow. Often those who spout tarot myths most prodigiously are those who actually know the least about tarot.

Finally, if you don’t pay your tarot readers and teachers, you may end up with a reading or lesson from someone who literally doesn’t know the first thing about tarot.

I do a lot of pro bono work. I donate my time to charity regularly, I teach free classes and webinars, and share my skills with free webcasts and weekly newsletters. I encourage my students who are professionals to do the same. It makes good business sense, and good spiritual sense, to do that.

I am proud to be a professional reader. I have been a professional reader and teacher, fulltime, for more than twenty years. I work every day to expand my skills and develop my abilities. As a teacher and a reader, I know I offer quality products.

Not every tarotist wants to read professionally, and that’s fine. The very best use of tarot may be for our own personal introspection and growth.

It’s also true that we are a self-regulated industry, and the buyer must always beware. There are frauds, there are well-intentioned readers who aren’t very talented, and there are people with whom a particular client may not connect well.

However, there are plenty of great readers and teachers out there. if you need an insightful reading or an informative class, don’t be afraid to find a great professional tarotist to make it happen.

If you are a talented tarotist who wants to go pro but are concerned about the spiritual significance of taking money for tarot-related work, here’s what I think.

Don’t listen to the proclamations of judgmental people.

Do study well, practice much and be excellent at your work.

Give people a fair value, and give back when and where you can.

That’s what’s worked for me all these years. It will work for you, too.

Four, Five, Six: More Minor Arcana Exercises

Here is a follow-up to my One, Two, Three Minor Arcana Tarot Exercises. I will be teaching this topic this week, and expect it to help my group really understand the Minor Arcana, and the ways in which the number values and elements combine to provide the card interpretation.

Like the first set of exercises, I think these will work equally well for the individual, as journaling prompts.

I would love to hear your experiences with these exercises!

Take the Four, Five and Six from each suit, and arrange the twelve cards in a grid.

Answer the following questions.

Fours:

What do the four Fours have in common?

In what ways are they different?

What is the energy of “Four”?

How do the four elements (suits) influence the Four energy?

Fives:

What do the four Fives have in common?

In what ways are they different?

What is the energy of “Five”?

How do the four elements (suits) influence the Five energy?

Sixes:

What do the four Sixes have in common?

In what ways are they different?

What is the energy of “Six”?

How do the four elements (suits) influence the Six energy?

Stories:

Now look at the cards in numeric sequence.

What story do you see in the Four-Five-Six progression of each suit?

Do any of those stories reflect stories in your own life?

What happens if you tell the stories starting with Six and ending with Four?

Readings:

Shuffle the four Fours, and choose one at random. Let this card answer the question: How do I find comfort and stability?
Look at the card you received, and ask yourself this question. Does this energy really support you, or are you there out of fear?
 

Shuffle the four Fives, and choose one a random. Let this card answer the question: What is the struggle or conflict in my life at this time?
Look at the card you received, and ask yourself this question. How does this struggle serve me, and where is it taking me?

Shuffle the four Sixes, and choose one a random. Let this card answer the question: What victory am I achieving?
Look at the card you received, and ask yourself these questions. How does fear play a role in your journey to accomplish your achievements? What comforts have you had to sacrifice?

What story of your life is told when you put these three cards together?

Stereotyping Limits us All

My least favorite thing about social media is some of the memes people share. Yes, some are funny and some are inspirational. Nonetheless, I would rather read my friends’ original thoughts.

It also seems that people share things without really thinking about them. So many memes, especially the political ones, are filled with misinformation and half-truths. People share them anyway.

The ones that drive me most crazy, though, are the ones that are supposed to be funny, cute or meaningful, but are really just hurtful.  Memes about gender stereotypes come to mind as a prime example.

I have always hated gender stereotypes. In kindergarten I was reprimanded for playing with a “toy for boys.” I had to relinquish the airplanes to a group of boys, simply because of their gender, and mine.

When my son was about the same age he came home from school with a revelation. He had discovered that, in some families, the mommy did the food shopping and cooking and the daddy went to work outside the home.  He had come to the deduction, based on his observation, that either gender could perform either task. My heart burst with pride. I was doing my part to remove gender stereotypes from our culture in the next generation.

Of course, my optimism was premature. My son is an adult now, and I see plenty of evidence that we still cling to the idea that men do certain things and women do certain other things, and that men are one way and women another.

It seems first-world-problemy to talk about gender issues here in the US, while our sisters on the other side of the world deal with oppression on a scale that seems beyond our comprehension.

On the other hand, we need to fight the battles that happen on our turf. Here in the US we are lucky that, these days, many of our battles involve words, rather than bullets.

The words in my sites right now are from a cutesy meme that says, “Your husband will always be your biggest and oldest child that requires the most adult supervision.”

It is everything I can do, when I see this meme posted (at least once a day) not to unleash a sputtering troll-fest of ridicule on someone’s wall.

Misandry is just as hurtful as misogyny, and just as dangerous. We say that men are immature, and then throw them in jail when they don’t take their adult responsibilities seriously and pay their child support. Does anyone else see a problem here? It doesn’t feel like we are doing everything we could to set our young men up for success if we expect them to never grow up.

Misandry is unfair to both men and women. In the example of this meme, we are telling women to expect men to behave a certain way (poorly) and to accept it with good humor when they do.

I think men and women are capable of better.

When we make assumptions about the way men are, or the way women are, we aren’t allowing people to simply be themselves. We aren’t encouraging people to be the best they can be.

When we propagate gender stereotypes we limit each other, and limit ourselves.

All stereotypes are limiting, but they are usually based on some grain of truth. For instance, boys really mature less quickly than girls.  The error comes when we assume that slow maturation is the same as no maturation.

What kind of limitless world could we create if we stopped expecting people to live up to our stereotypes of them?

Think about that the next time you are tempted to push the “share” button on a meme that promotes stereotypes!