Spiritual Single Still Seeking a Soulmate? Here's 10 Thoughts That Aren't Helping!

There’s a particular stereotype about professional diviners that suggest we have at our tables a never-ending parade of lovelorn women seeking hope for their disastrous romantic situations.

The truth is, people at my table are just as likely to seek connection with loved ones in spirit, business advice, and understanding of family dynamics as they are information about their love lives. However, it is fair to say that some reference to romance appears in virtually every reading.

That’s because our intimate relationships are so definitive of, and connected to, our experience in life.

It’s not only heterosexual women who seek insight from diviners. Over the course of my career I have read for people of all genders in all sorts of relationship configurations.

While no two situations, relationships, people or problems are the same, there are some threads of commonality that have become very clear to me over a quarter-century of full-time professional divining.

One demographic amongst those who bring me questions about love seems to have a great deal of commonality. That group is spiritual singles who are hoping to find love. They may be male, female, gay, trans or straight – what they seem to have in common are some particular perceptions about love, dating and spirituality.

Some of those perceptions are helpful, others may be so damaging as to become a barrier from finding the love they so desperately desire.

If you are a single spiritual person hoping to meet someone special, or afraid you won't, see if you are harboring any of these dangerous perceptions. 

1. It’s too late. 

Other variations of this are, I’m too fat or I’m too old.

One thing that is true about love is that love has no limitations. But, if your thinking about the possibilities of love is limited you’ll have a harder time finding what you want.

2. There are no good single people around me. 

Yes, sometimes the dating pool is shallow. When every visit to Bumble or Match shows you the same gallery of the same usual suspects, and every trip to the local watering hole delivers the same, it’s easy to believe that there are just no good candidates to be found. Thinking that way, though, isn’t helpful. If the old haunts turn up the same old faces, it’s time to find new haunts! 

3. Relationships aren’t worth it anyway.

If you don’t know the profound value of a relationship, it’s because you haven’t yet had a good one. Have faith in the power of love. Really.

4. I can’t be happy until I find love.

If you can’t be happy without a relationship you will never be happy with a relationship. Cultivate your happiness now, as a single person, and you will have happiness to share with someone special.

5. I know this new relationship is THE ONE because we share a birthday.

Variations on this can include any sort of synchronicity, spiritual sign, omen or intuitive feeling.

The fact is, we often feel a sense of spiritual connection and rightness at the beginning of a relationship. Sometimes that is a sign of good things ahead. Sometimes it’s not. This is important because single people often waste a lot of time trying to make bad relationships work, or mourning the loss of relationships, because they have over-spiritualized those relationships. The more time we spend on folks who aren't right, the less time we have to find the one who is.

6. I’ve never felt this way about someone before, so I know it must be right.

A new feeling, or a new experience, does not necessarily translate into permanence. There could be many other reasons for your feelings, including infatuation, chemistry, horniness, or even  growth in your own capacity to make a connection.

7. He’s a Scorpio and I’m an Aries so we can’t be together.

Please, please don’t let sun signs keep you from exploring a relationship! A good astrologer can look at your charts and see what the compatibility, and potential problems, might be. And, any good astrologer will tell you that one can’t possibly assess compatibility based on sun signs alone.

8. I love my ex so much, I don’t think I can ever love anyone like that again.

Love is infinite in its capacity. You may not be able to imagine yourself with someone right now, just like you can’t imagine eating food after you’ve had a big meal. In a while, though, you’ll be hungry again.

9. I need to tell the Universe exactly what I want in a partner.

This can actually be a good exercise, but it’s not a necessary one. There are many common advices about what one must do to find a great partner. Some say you have to make that list, others say you have to actively date, others say the right one comes when you stop looking. All of these things will be true for someone, so do what feels right for you!

10. I am sure I will know my soulmate when I see her.

Love at first sight is a real thing, but we can’t know if it’s really love or just attraction until some time passes.  Assuming you’ll know it when you see it could cause you to miss a good opportunity, or to waste time with a bad one.

Additionally, the term “soulmate” can be counter-productive because sets up a lot of expectations. The fact is, there are very likely a few people on the planet who could be a good match for you. Often, we over-spiritualize the concept of love and partnership to the point that we make it feel more impossible than it is.

Love is all around us, yet often feels dishearteningly elusive. Ironically, when we see dating in a practical, logical way we can increase our chances of finding the amazing spiritual connection we seek.