Bow Ties are Cool

I was one of the many thousands of people who went to the movies the weekend before Thanksgiving to watch the 50^th Anniversary of Doctor Who “The Day of the Doctor,” in 3D. The movie only ran for two nights. I’m glad we got tickets in advance because most of the shows sold out.

Unlike regular first-run movies, waiting for the film to start was a blast. On the screen was a trivia game encompassing all fifty years of Whovian lore. In the audience were Who lovers of all generations. There was a gentleman older than me looking around, astonished to see that so many people loved the Doctor. There were children, grandparents and young adults. Fifty years is a long time to build a fan base.

The costumes were fun. My favorite was a seven-year-old Matt Smith Doctor, complete with fez and bow tie.  I saw Gwen, Ianto and Captain Jack Harkness, as well as plenty of Dr. Who T-shirts and hoodies. I even saw a Tardis dress, and a tiny Tardis steampunk hat!

The fans came equipped with their props. At the start of the movie many fans held their Sonic Screwdrivers aloft in celebration.

Doctor Who in 3D was pretty awesome. The 3D lent itself to the time and space thing.

I really enjoyed the movie itself.  In case there is a single Whovian who didn’t make it to the movies and hasn’t downloaded The Day of the Doctor yet I won’t go into the plot, except to say this. When you have all of time and space with which to play it is very easy to create stories that don’t actually make a lot of sense. “The Day of the Doctor” was brilliant with its twists and turns. The script honored all fifty years of Dr. Who, but opened the way for an entirely new story line to emerge.

I have to admit I wasn’t that much of a fan of the last season of Dr. Who. “The Day of the Doctor” has me energized and ready for the story to unfold. I’m even excited to meet the next Doctor!

Half a century is a long time. As much as I enjoyed the movie, what I enjoyed most was the opportunity to celebrate that milestone with a diverse audience who had one thing in common; a love for the Doctor.

Gratitude for Five Awesome Modern Things

I have a friend who decides whether a person is “old” or not by using the age of sixty-four as the line of demarcation. She’s a Beatles fan, so everyone who is sixty-four or better is “older,” everyone else is not yet older.

I love it when musical references become true guideposts in our lives.

One thing I notice, though, about the “older” and almost-older crowd, is the tendency to look to the past with longing, and to look to the future with fear. Even people my age and younger tend to shake their heads and talk about how terrible things are these days, and how things are getting worse.

I’ve written about this topic before, and probably will again. I think when we become people who talk disparagingly about “these days” we automatically enter into the realm of being “older,” regardless of our actual age. As soon as we stop participating in the world as it is we lose our ability to be effective in the world as it is.

There are certainly things I miss from the past, and there are current societal trends that concern me. But I try not to think of these things in negative terms. Sure, we have our share of troubles, but what generation didn’t?

In honor of the holidays this week here is a list of five things that I think are better now than at any other time in my lifetime.

1. Creative Equality – Thank you internet and computer tech! With you, anyone can make a movie, record a song or publish a book or magazine. In your face, exclusive studios and big publishing companies!

2. Healthy Food – I grew up in the days of Wonder Bread and plastic cheese. Now most people know the pleasures of bok choy and kale.

3. Diversity Acceptance – There seems to be more room in the world now for people to be themselves.

4. Social Media – I am in touch with most of the friends I’ve made over the course of my life. And I have new friends I’ve not yet met in person. That’s pretty cool.

5. E-Readers – I’ve moved a lot of times in my life. Each time I do a fully realize just how heavy paper books are.

We have a lot of work to do to correct the problems on our planet right now. I think we’ll be better able to do that work with a sense of gratitude for the blessings that are ours.

Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Chanukah everyone!

Holiday Warmth in Florida

When I first moved to Florida in the spring of 2008 I was really curious about how folks would celebrate the holiday season in a warm climate. Coming from the Northeast, I couldn’t quite imagine people in T-shirts and shorts merrily singing “Let it Snow.” As it turns out, that is exactly what happens. People wear Santa hats to the beach, too.

I would have thought celebrating the holidays with snow motifs might be done as comic irony, but that doesn’t seem to be. In the end, a symbol is a symbol.

Whatever religious or secular holiday you might celebrate during the winter months, snow is a symbol of the festive time fast approaching. This seems to be true no matter the actual weather.

I had also mistakenly believed that once here a few years I would get used to a warm-weather holiday season. The fact is, my delight that the only snow I will see this year is symbolic does not seem to diminish over time.

If you, like me, are a non-native getting ready to celebrate the winter holidays in Florida, here are some things that might be helpful to know.

1. When decorating the outside of your Florida home for the holidays, there are three important considerations. First, your lawn is a legitimate place to arrange some festive lights – I mean, you can actually place the lights directly on the ground. Second, winding lights around the trunk of your palm trees is de rigueur year round and cannot, in and of itself, be considered holiday decoration. Finally, amid your blow-up snow globes and sleighs make sure you leave enough room for your grill and patio furniture. You’ll need it for holiday entertaining.

2. Christmas is for barbeque. That’s right. As signs throughout Publix supermarkets proudly declare, there is no better time to gather the neighbors and get your grill on than…Christmas. While ribs are a popular holiday treat, don’t forget there are many fine ways to cook your whole holiday turkey on the grill!

3. You don’t have to dine in the dining room. There are so many important decisions to make about your holiday meals. Here in Florida there are options we didn’t have back home. You can eat your dinner on the patio, the deck or the lanai. Don’t know what a lanai is? You must not be from around here.

4. Dress for the occasion, not the weather. Knit hats, scarves and boots look super-cute with short shorts or sundresses. You can even buy fashionable jackets that look like parkas.  Your Florida parka is about as warm as the fake snowstorms at the outdoor shopping malls are cold, so don’t bring it on your ski trip.

5. Seasonal foods are delicious on the beach. Don’t forget to pack plenty of holiday-inspired treats in your beach cooler. Nothing is more delicious after a refreshing ocean swim than a piece of pumpkin pie.

Wherever you are and whatever you celebrate, the holiday season is upon us. I must say I greet it with a bit more joy knowing that the only thing I’ll be shoveling this winter is my garden.

One thing I’ve learned from celebrating the holidays in Florida is this. Our seasonal festivals are an important part of who we are. Weather changes a lot of things, but it doesn’t change our need to gather our friends and families and celebrate our traditions together.

Word Choice Matters

I tend to be a bit draconian about words, grammar and language. The irony is that I make a lot of typos, but that’s not what this post is about. This post is about my belief that precision in language creates effective communication. I also believe that creativity is engendered with we take the time to find the right words.

There is a belief in our society that if you know what I mean then my lazy words are good enough. I don’t agree. Thumb-typing on a smartphone notwithstanding, I believe that when we have something important to say we need to take the time to say it well.

I believe in the spiritual power of language. We use words to pray. We use words in ritual. We use words in magick. There’s a reason for that. Words really do have power.

I want to cite two examples of poor word choice that have made me cringe this week. The first is from an anti-bullying meme floating around Facebook. You’ve probably seen it. This meme irritates me so much I have actually commented (politely) when I have seen my friends post it. I always get the same response. My friends agree it’s not worded well, but to them it’s the thought that counts. I don’t really see it that way. I think a negative message is damaging even if the original intention was good.

The meme in question begins “That girl you called a slut in class today, she’s a virgin. The pregnant girl walking down the street, she got raped.”

It goes on to discuss other victims of bullying, such as “the boy you made fun of for crying, his mother is dying.”

The obvious point of the meme is that one can’t know the reality of a person’s life and so bullying a person based on your suppositions is wrong. I completely agree. But bullying a person for any reason is wrong – end of story.

As of today this meme has been shared 244,842 times. Am I the only one who finds this meme completely disturbing?

If a child were crying for a less dire reason than a dying mother would that mean he deserved to be bullied? If an old man’s face were scarred in a bar fight rather than a war would it be acceptable to mock his appearance?

The worst part for me is the obvious misogyny of the first two lines. To me this meme says that if the girl were not a virgin it would be just fine to slut-shame her.  According to this meme getting pregnant by consensual sex is clearly less acceptable than getting pregnant through the horror of rape.

According to this meme, young women who enjoy sex deserve to be bullied. What we don’t want to do is slut-shame a girl who didn’t choose to have sex. Slut-shaming a girl who likes sex is just fine.

The idea that we can’t know a person’s circumstance is valid. This meme takes an evil twist by suggesting that if we know a person’s background we can make an educated decision about whether or not to bully them.

My second example of really regrettable word choice came to my attention when Chris Christie screamed at a teacher who is a member of the Badass Teacher Association. I couldn’t believe that a group of teachers – those whose job it is to teach communication skills and inspire creativity – couldn’t come up with a better way to describe themselves than “badass.” If a student wrote an essay describing herself as “badass” would that be an A paper?

I fully support the goals of the Badass Teacher Association but I am shocked and saddened by their word choice. I fear, too, that young teachers are the product of the very education system against which they now rail. No wonder they don’t have enough command of the language to find a decent name. The term “badass” is listed in the Oxford Dictionary as slang. It’s actually a word I use from time to time.

In my opinion, a slang term based on an off-color word is not an appropriate title for a formal association of educators. If our educators don’t care about the language we share, who will? It’s tough for me to believe that they care about education as much as they say they do if the best word they can find to describe themselves is “badass.”

I know language is always changing. I know we don’t speak the same way we did a hundred years ago. What concerns me is the prevalent concept that the words we choose don’t matter. The excuse is that we know what we mean, so we don’t need to be picky about how we say it.

I think if we don’t see the value of careful word choice the words we say will eventually cease to have any power or clear meaning at all.

Rethinking the Good Old Days

My mother used to say that memory has a way of improving on things.

So many people tell me that things on the planet are just getting worse. They want to return to the good old days. In some ways, I agree with them.

Financially, things were certainly easier a few decades ago. I hate to say it, but I think our personal freedoms have been trod on terribly in the past ten years. I hate to see Mom and Pop shops replaced by big box corporate stores.

So I get what people are saying when they long for the good old days.

On the other hand, let’s think about this.

Prior to 1967, interracial marriage was not legal in every state of our country. That’s right – you could go to jail for marrying outside of your race.

Prior to the 1960’s most banks wouldn’t extend credit to women. Her credit was her husband’s. An unmarried woman was not credit-worthy.

Prior to the passage of the Endangered Species Act of 1973, many species of birds and butterflies were being decimated by DDT.

I remember the Cold War in the 1980’s. We were sure a world-scale nuclear war was right around the corner.

So, to which of those good old days do we want to return?

Yes, things sure are messed up. Yes, we have a long way to go to become the just and fair society we know we can be. But let’s stop looking to the past and start looking to the future. We can’t ever go back to the past. Frankly, I wouldn’t want to. But we can go forward to the future. We can make our future the best times ever. We won’t do that by pining for the past. We will do that by being hopeful and proactive about the future.

A Great New Mexican Restaurant in Wellington

Casa Tequila Mexican Cuisine is a new restaurant in Wellington, FL. I went there the other day with some friends, including a three-year-old child. I was really pleased with everything about the restaurant, and will definitely be back.

The décor is lovely, with enough flare to let you know you are in a Mexican restaurant but not enough to be tacky. There is a lovely patio for outdoor dining and a full bar. The atmosphere makes Casa Tequila appropriate for any occasion from a family meal to a first date.

The wait staff was friendly and attentive.

The menu is extensive and reasonably priced. My three-year-old friend enjoyed the child’s menu, complete with crayons. She was able to point to a picture of what she wanted and order for herself.

The thing about Mexican food is this. Great Mexican food is great. Bad Mexican food is horrible. My dining companions and I all agreed – Casa Tequila Mexican Cuisine serves great Mexican food. Everything was fresh, flavorful and exquisitely prepared. Even the standard rice and beans were remarkable.

Accountability

Everyone of a certain age seems to have an opinion about what’s wrong with the world today, or what’s wrong with our country today (as opposed to the good old days of the past).

Here’s my submission. The problems we face today are caused in part by our lack of accountability. We seem to want to make other people responsible for our actions and our lack of due diligence.

Here’s an interesting recent example of our total lack of accountability.

On October 14^th in some Walmart stores in Louisiana a computer glitch caused spending limits on EBT (“food stamp”) cards to stop working. Shoppers were able to use their cards to purchase food with no spending limits.

Walmart officials made the decision to allow store patrons to use their cards, and to charge as much as they wanted.

When the stores announced the glitch was fixed and spending limits were restored shoppers abandoned their overflowing carts and left the store.

I am glad we live in a country that makes food available to underprivileged families. I am appalled that in a situation like this greed would be the motivating factor for both the shoppers and the corporation. Why did no one feel accountable for the money they were spending, or allowing to be spent?

What would happen if we all made an effort to be accountable for ourselves, our actions and our responsibilities?

Most importantly, what would it take to restore a sense of personal accountability into our national culture, and how could that change things?

As Above, So Below - Even in the Workplace

It would be nice to believe that the brightest and best of us are those we elect to represent us in government. It would be wonderful if our nation’s leaders were true exemplars; those who would inspire our emulation as well as our confidence.

The fact is, the only things our nation’s leaders have been inspiring lately are laughter and anger.

There is an ancient spiritual tenet that states “as above, so below.” This means that whatever is happening on one level is happening on other levels.

I am finding this particularly true right now as I speak with with an larger-than-usual number of people who are having difficult times getting along and working with their co-workers.

Many people seem to be feeling stuck in their own beliefs about right and wrong. They are unwilling to compromise. Some feel that the ability to compromise is a moral weakness.

Even worse, they forget the big picture. They forget that they are paid to do a job and need to find a way to do it even if they are angry at their coworkers, even if they don’t like their coworkers and even if they don’t agree with their coworkers.

Does that sound like anyone we know?

Sometimes the lessons we learn from our exemplars are not lessons of how to be, they are examples of how not to be.

On an energetic or spiritual level we may have some power here. Energy can work from the bottom to the top as easily as it works from top to bottom.

If we all try really hard to get along, make compromises and get our jobs done the energy of compromise and responsibility might trickle right on up to the top. As above, so below – or vice versa.

Mean People

I read an article yesterday called “Are we too Quick to Cry Bully?” The article pointed out something I have been thinking for a long time. There are lots of ways to be mean that aren’t bullying. Bullying is specific. Bullying is when a person who has power picks on someone who doesn’t. 

The article was about bullying as it pertains to young people. Middles schoolers and teenagers bullying each other is a special kind of torture – one that sometimes ends in suicide. The concern of the article was that by referring to simple acts of meanness as “bullying” we are diluting the horror of actual bullying, and empowering the true bullies.

Recently I have heard grown-ups talk about adult-on-adult bullying. Adult bullying happens. Bosses bully their employees. Wealthy HOA members bully their less fortunate neighbors. Misguided adults use race, religion, gender and sexuality as reasons to bully, much as children do.

I’d like to believe that adults have more resilience to bullying than young people do, but that’s not always the case, especially when one’s livelihood or home might be threatened.

The internet offers a new platform to bullies of all ages. But not every mean person on the internet is a bully. Somehow the internet can bring out the worst in all of us. We feel empowered to say things we might not in real life. There is even an internet term for mean-spirited people who say rude things online. We call them “trolls”.

There is a huge difference between a troll and a bully. A bully is someone who has actual power over you and uses that power to hurt you. A troll is simply someone who says mean things. Some people feel bullied by trolls. Artists consider not making art, writers considering giving up writing and sensitive people suffer depression because of the power they give to internet trolls.

I’ve dealt with my share of trolls.  Sometimes the most effective tactic is to call them on their meanness; to flatly accuse them of doing exactly what they are doing. I’ve elicited some very heartfelt apologies that way, and even become friendly with a few of them. Sometimes people just don’t think about what they are saying until you reflect it back to them – not in anger but in rational terms.

Some internet trolls hide behind other titles. They are “reviewers” or “speakers of the truth”. As a writer I’ve received my share of bad reviews. Sometimes a bad review is a gift that makes your next work better. There is a transparent difference between using a review to give needed constructive criticism and using a review as a platform to hurl insults. But, even in the latter case, once those insults are hurled, how we react to them is completely in our control.

Mean words can hurt, no matter who says them. It is impossible to have an online presence and not attract some negative attention. Over the past few years I have written a few blog posts that struck nerves I didn’t expect. I was surprised by the number of mean, rude comments I received, and the fact that those commenters followed me around on social media for a while. It was a little chilling that such unkind people could seemingly reach into my living room any time of the day or night.

I was also surprised by the number of people who reached out to me in sympathy. I really appreciated the kind words and support of people; both friends and people I had never met. But I was not as upset by the trolls as those supportive people expected me to be.  The trolls’ comments made me wish I had been clearer in my posts; there were a few things I hadn’t understood until I saw the backlash. And I was proud that something I wrote could elicit such a response. Writers want to touch nerves.

I didn’t feel bullied because these people had no power over me. There was nothing they could really do to hurt me. They could say mean things about me. They could spread lies about me. None of that really hurt me. In the end they were trolls, not bullies. Bullies are dangerous, trolls are irritating.

Speaking out is often the right defense against both bullies and trolls. Recently a writer’s unflattering photo went viral with an even more unflattering caption. She contacted the rude posters and made them deal with her as a human being. She shared her surprising results in an inspiring post.

In the case of bullies it is important to expose them for what they are. Shedding light on their activities may not take away their power in terms of money and position, but it will take away some of their authority. Trolls have no inherent power. The only power they have is the power we give them. If we want to give trolls the power to make us feel depressed or to contemplate giving up our talent, that’s our bad choice.

Eleanor Roosevelt lived and died before social media existed. Her immortal words are maybe more important now than they ever were. Eleanor is credited with saying “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

If we don’t give the trolls consent to make us feel badly they really can’t hurt us. They don’t have the power to hurt us without our help. I’m concerned, too, that if we, as adults, allow our feelings to be hurt by thoughtless and mean-spirited people, how will we be able to inspire our children to stand against their own mean peers?

Mean people suck, and they are everywhere. Mostly they are mean because of their own misfortunes. I have compassion for mean people. I hold them in love and light. But I do not give them consent to make me feel inferior.  You don’t have to, either.

Be Kind to the Animals

Many of us in Florida are transplants from other geographic locations. Many of us never stop marveling at the wonderful flora and fauna here – so exotic and foreign to us, even after years of living here. Lizards and frogs play everywhere, and some of the birds are taller than me.

Recently I witness two incidences of cruelty to wildlife.  One was obvious – a tourist torturing a lizard. One was a much-less-obvious form of cruelty that might surprise you.

First, let me say that my understanding of Florida law is that cruelty to animals in any form isn’t tolerated. Sadly, in neither case was law enforcement involved.

While driving on the famous International Avenue in Orlando I heard a woman scream. I was in the passenger seat and the screaming woman was on my side of the street. I grabbed my phone ready to call 911 in defense of a woman I presumed was being attacked.

What I saw astounded me and infuriated me. Three tourists were torturing a small lizard – an anole. These lizards are very common here. They entertain us as they scamper and play. They eat insects. They are completely harmless to humans.

The tourists were probably in their late twenties or early thirties – two women and one man. The man was seriously buff. He could have beat up a human his own size easily. Why he had to beat up a tiny anole is completely beyond me.

The woman was screaming because the man had caught the lizard and was pushing it in her face. She was afraid of the lizard and he was teasing her with it. He dropped the lizard and both women ran away, cowering and screaming. He was able to catch the lizard again and threw it at the women.

It was like a sick enactment of the old Jim Stafford song “Spiders and Snakes”.

When our twelve-year-old boys act this way we reprimand them. When our children are afraid of harmless creatures we teach them to appreciate nature. Where the heck did these Neanderthals come from?

My second tale of animal cruelty is about sand hill cranes. Sand hill cranes are very common in Florida. They are very large birds, very intelligent and naturally friendly. They eat a lot of ants, which is a good thing in Florida.

This summer I noticed that the local sand hill cranes liked to walk through our neighborhood. They were really fun to watch, but I wondered why they wanted to be so close to humans. Quickly, I discovered that two of my neighbors were feeding them every day.

In Florida, feeding the wildlife is patently discouraged. Feeding the wildlife is a form of cruelty. When we feed the wildlife, three things can happen. First, we throw off the natural balance that exists between predator and prey. Second, we can be harmful to the animals’ health. Finally, the animals become tame and easy prey for predator animals.

As soon as I saw these poor sand hill cranes enjoying their bread crumbs and interacting with my neighbors I knew their chances of survival were limited. Wild animals who become comfortable interacting with humans are easy prey for alligators, bobcats and other predators. When we feed them we destroy the natural instincts that give them a fighting chance.

I haven’t seen the sand hill cranes in weeks. I think I know what happened to them.

Whether you are a visitor to Florida, a resident transplant or a native Floridian, please learn to treasure our unique and diverse wildlife. Watch them, enjoy them and preserve their habitat. Be kind to the animals. Don’t play with them, don’t torture them and don’t feed them.