The Trouble with Over-Spiritualizing Relationships

The Trouble with Over-Spiritualizing Relationships

Many schools of spiritual thought include dogma about romantic relationships. Very often that dogma is used to oppress and repress, and often causes great harm.

As a tarot professional, I spend a great deal of time speaking with people about their relationships. I find that, in many cases, I have to help clients slog through these harmful beliefs.

Depending on the school of thought and culture people come from, they may use different terms to describe a similar concept.

The central theme is generally that there is a particular person, somewhere in the world, who is destined to be your true love. In some schools of thought that person must be of the opposite gender, or of your same race, or it can’t be true love.

YouTube is full of tarot readers preaching about soul mates and twin flames. There are ‘love coaches’ who charge thousands of dollars to help you find your twin flame. These coaches teach these theories of soulmates and twin flames as fact.

No matter where we come from or what we believe, we can all understand why we have spiritual feelings about relationships. When we meet someone that we connect with we feel a sense of destiny. We feel our connection as a spiritual certainty. Sometimes it truly is. Sometimes, though, what we are feeling is more about chemistry and desire than spirituality.

The problems with propagating mystical beliefs about destined relationships are legion. In the course of my career, I have seen all of the following behaviors, and more.

People stay in abusive relationships because they believe their abuser is their soulmate.

People eschew workable healthy relationships because they are waiting for a perfect connection.

People feel shame for bonding with someone, who, according to their religious dogma, shouldn’t be their partner.

People who are sadly widowed don’t seek a new connection because they believe there is only one possibility for love in this life.

People resist healing from a breakup because they believe that the relationship was destined, and they did something wrong to change the course of destiny.

People refuse to develop communication skills in relationships because they believe that if something is meant to be, it will work effortlessly.

Lonely people refuse to be proactive in trying to meet people because they believe that destiny will do the work for them.

Happily single people feel pressure to be in relationship.

When it comes to theories about our spiritual nature as individuals, and in relationships, we have to remember that theories and beliefs are just that. Beliefs aren’t facts, no matter how closely those beliefs are held.

Love, in all its forms, is indeed a spiritual thing. Our ability to love one another is, to me, the surest proof of a Higher Power. Yet, in all things, God helps those who help themselves.

Good relationships are hard to find, and harder still to keep. When we over-spiritualize the concept of relationships, or the relationship we have or the relationship we lost, we make finding and keeping love harder still.

Set Boundaries with Your Abusive Family

Set Boundaries with Your Abusive Family

In American culture, and in many cultures across the world, our connection to our immediate family members is considered very important. We often hear people say that they are very ‘family-oriented,’ or that their family is their priority.

When family members are helpful to each other and support each other, this is a wonderful thing. When family members enjoy each other’s company, this can be one of life’s greatest blessings.

Sometimes, though, people are born into families where they just don’t seem to fit in. Some family cultures are truly unhealthy. We must accept that every family has its own dysfunction, that’s normal and fine. Yet, some families are defined by alcoholism, abuse, narcissism, misogyny, fundamentalism or other pervasive behaviors. This can make participation with the family truly dangerous for the family member who is miraculously healthy enough to see the problems and want to do better in their own life.

Sadly, I see a fair amount of this in the tarot community. There are many talented tarotists whose families are too narrow-minded to accept their kid’s interests, spiritual path and psychic gifts. I think it is important, if this is your situation, to recognize that that sort of narrowmindedness is irrational, and constitutes abuse.

We often say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, that children are usually very much like their parents. That’s not always true. Even the most destructive family can produce a healthy, constructive individual.

If you happen to be that person, you may feel a responsibility to be ‘close’ to your abusive family. You may feel like you are the odd one, or the crazy one. You may feel responsible to clean up the messes made by your destructive family. You may feel guilty when you try to set boundaries with your family, or when you try to honor who you are, rather than who your family wants you to be.

If you are a person whose family is abusive rather than helpful, or diminishing rather than supportive, know that you have only one responsibility, and that is to keep yourself emotional healthy.

Usually, the only way to be emotionally healthy in this situation is to have good boundaries, even when your family tries to push those boundaries.

Only you can say what those boundaries should be, and only you can enforce them. Even though your family can’t see it, you have a special gift. Be grateful that you are able to see your family’s dysfunction for what it is. Be grateful for your own wellbeing.

Don’t feel guilty for having a good life, with or without your family of origin.

Why Didn’t My Cord-Cutting Ritual Work?

Why Didn’t My Cord-Cutting Ritual Work?

Of all of my many blog posts, one of the most popular has been my piece on how to perform a cord-cutting, from August of 2013. I receive emails about this topic at least a few times a month.

That tells me there are a whole lot of people out there trying to heal from broken relationships, break bad habits and survive dysfunctional families.

If you haven’t read the article, here’s the brief synopsis. A cord-cutting ritual is an easy bit of energy work you can do to release a dysfunctional relationship, be that a love relationship, a friendship or a toxic family situation. You can even do a cord-cutting to release your own unhealthy behavior or belief.

One thing I sometimes hear from people is that they have performed the cord-cutting ritual but still feel attached to the person or behavior they are trying to release. Another thing I hear are reports of unscrupulous psychic scammers taking advantage of people’s pain by performing cord-cutting rituals for exorbitant prices. These scammers often say (erroneously) that one cannot and should not perform these rituals for themselves.

If you have done a cord-cutting to release a friend, family member, lover or behavior, and haven’t yet received the results you wanted, here are some things to consider.

First, sometimes it takes more than one ritual to release the energy that binds you. This is especially true if the relationship is familial or lengthy. Don’t hesitate to do the ritual every day for seven days, or once a week for as many weeks as feels right.

Second, you need to do your part by refraining from re-engaging with this person or repeating your behaviors. Whatever energy you feed is the energy that will grow. If you keep speaking with a person you are trying to release, for example, your cord-cutting is like to be ineffectual.

Emotional habits take a while to break. If you are used to thinking about someone, or responding to their manipulation, over a long period of time, you will still have some desire to continue this pattern. The cord-cutting will ultimately help you wipe away this energy. While that energetic process begins the moment you perform the ceremony, you may not feel its effects right away. Be patient with the energy work and be patient with yourself.

Finally, cord-cutting cannot take the place of grief. Cord-cutting can give you the strength to move on and can help release an unhealthy compulsion. Yet, anything that has an energy strong enough to require cord-cutting will also require a grieving period. Do not confuse grief with the desire to reconnect. Grief expresses the disappointment that the person you cared about can’t be who and what you needed them to be. Grief is natural and necessary at the end of a relationship. We must move through grief rather than try to avoid it.

There is energy work that you can do to help you handle your grief. There are meditations, stones, herbs and oils that can help give you strength, remember your joy and find your grounding as you go through your process.

Unhealthy relationships usually have a lot of guilt associated with them. Never does that guilt feel as strong as when we decide to break away. We need to recognize guilt as part of the manipulation that made the relationship unhealthy. Guilt can also be borne of our unrealistic expectations of how we should be, or how our relationships should be.

While cord-cutting can’t relieve our grief, cord-cutting can be very effective at helping us release guilt and expectations. This allows us to move forward in our healing process.

If you have performed a cord-cutting and still feel attached to the person or behavior you are working to release, keep trying. Do it again and do it with the expectation that healing and release can take some time to accomplish. Do it with the belief in your own happy future. Do it with the belief in your ability to be free of what has trapped you.

Etiquette for Free Reading Livestreams

Etiquette for Free Reading Livestreams

Everyone knows how important internet etiquette is. Without it, we would misunderstand each other more than we already do!

Recent advances in tech have given us all the opportunity to be video stars; we can livestream on Facebook, YouTube and Instagram with the push of a button. This has revolutionized social media, especially in the world of tarot readers, mystics and psychics.

Now, free mini-readings on livestream is a regular thing. I don’t have time to do a lot of these, but when I do it reminds me of my days as a psychic on FM radio, reading for callers. The only difference between radio and livestreaming is that, on the radio, there was always a DJ to establish and enforce the rules.

Many social media groups have specific rules for how their live sessions should be. Often times the reader will establish a protocol in their video description. Of course, the first rule of etiquette here is to read and follow the established rules.

Yet, even when there aren’t established rules, there are some rules of common sense that I think will apply virtually everywhere.

First, if it’s a busy thread (and they usually are) don’t double-dip! If you have asked a question and had it answered, don’t ask another during that session unless further questions are requested. That’s good manners anywhere. Let someone else have a turn!

Second, a free mini-reading is not the same as a professional reading session. Don’t ask about your job, your love life, your dog and your haircut all in one sentence and pretend that’s a single question. If you have that many questions, schedule a session with a pro.

Third, if the reader has specifically asked for questions, honor that reader by asking an actual question. In a paid session it is perfect okay to rattle off keywords instead of questions, like love-life, job, money. In a free mini-reading livestream, keywords don’t equal questions. Take your time to type out your question. This will give the reader a greater ability to give you the information you need in the shortest period of time possible.

Don’t hop on the comment thread asking, “Can you read me?” or “Can I ask a question?” Simply follow the instructions and ask the question according to the format laid out in the session description or follow the lead of those who are asking questions and getting them answered.

Don’t think that a two-minute reading on a livestream is the same as a professional session. It’s a sample. It’s meant to be helpful, but it’s not a replacement for deep one-on-one work. These live sessions do give you a great opportunity to see the style of many readers and to choose the ones you would like to work with professionally.

You can check out an archive of a free reading livestream session on my Facebook business page. Hit ‘Like’ while you are there, so you can be alerted the next time I go live!

What Tarot Readers See About the World

What Tarot Readers See About the World

What Tarot Readers See About the World

We tarot readers are known for what we see about people. It’s also true that, as a full-time tarot professional for more than two decades, I have been in a position to see societal trends from a unique perspective. I am sure this is true of every busy reader over time.

I had been working as a reader full time for fifteen years when the Crash of 2008 happened. Many people asked me if the Great Recession was something I had predicted. In a weird way, it was.

Back in the first few years of the new millennium, in my office in Central Village, Connecticut, I remember seeing client after client asking about the new homes they were planning to purchase. As I looked at their cards, all I could see was financial difficulty and loss. “I don’t think you can afford this house at this time,” I said gently to at least three clients a week in those few years. Each time, their answer was the same. “My loan has already been approved”. Their reassurance never made me feel better; the cards were very clear. The term ‘predatory lender’ wasn’t yet in our collective vocabulary. Logic told me that if the bank said they could afford it, they were okay. Should I tell my clients they would be better off trusting their tarot reader than their financial advisor? My ethics wouldn’t allow me to suggest that. In hindsight, perhaps I should have found a way to question those loans more stridently. Yet, the few times I did, clients looked at me as if I were crazy.

When the Crash hit in 2008, the memory of all those readings came rushing back. Suddenly, those same folks who had so confidently dismissed my fears for them a few years back were now calling to discuss their new situations; homelessness, short-sales, under-water mortgages and layoffs.

Another sad example of how what’s happening in the world shows up at the tarot table is the devastation of the opioid epidemic. When I first started reading professionally in the early 1990s it was rare that I spoke with someone who had lost a family member to a drug overdose. Things are a little better this year, but over the last few years I spoke with one or two people a week who had suffered this tragic loss.

Many of us do readings about the state of the world, but it’s hard to do such readings without filtering them through our own fears, opinions and beliefs. It’s interesting to note that, if we read for a lot of people, we are de facto performing a reading for the world, over time.

Another sad trend I notice is that year after year, corporate America becomes less and less geared to the well-being of the workers. I wish I could say that I see this trend turning around, but so far, it’s not.

I see trends that I view as positive, as well. There are fewer parents at my table distraught over their children’s sexual identity, or that their kids are marrying outside of their race or religion.

I am often impressed by the younger people I see at my table who are insightful, intelligent and hopeful for their future. Those young people give me hope for the future of the planet.

I suppose we all view the world through a lens given us by our profession. I’m glad that my chosen vocation offers such a crystal-clear view, not only of the individual, but of our society as a whole.

The Poison Apple

The Poison Apple

My computer is like a bad boyfriend.

I could also title this post “Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid at the Genius Bar”.

I was never a fan of Apple. I have always thought they were proprietary, expensive and snooty. Back in the 1980s, if you were an artist, you needed a Mac. Once Microsoft caught up with their graphics, PCs always seemed the more cost-effective choice.

It was the very thing I disliked about Apple, their proprietary nature, that finally led me to buy in. I wanted to be able to FaceTime with my clients and go live on Facebook, so, when it was time for a new phone, I got an iPhone.

I don’t regret this decision. I do many readings by FaceTime. An added perk is that I love Apple Music. The iPhone camera is terrific.

I love my Apple Watch. I have a Series 3. When Series 5 comes out, I will be first in line for the upgrade.

When it was time for a new laptop, I decided to bite the bullet and get a MacBook Pro. My iMac and iPad quickly followed. When I’m in, I’m in. I love my iPad unabashedly.

The iMac and MacBook Pro are a different story. They are both sleek and sexy, and fun to work on. Yet, they can be temperamental and slow.

Oh, and the rumor that Apples don’t get viruses? That is just a rumor. I know this because of the catastrophic and traumatic iPhone death I suffered due to a virus early on.

All of this leads up to the story that may well have me purchasing a Surface next time around. I had a terrible time with the Geniuses at the Apple Store at the Gardens Mall in Palm Beach Gardens. Every time I go to the Apple Store, I tell myself that I will sign up for the free classes there; one of the perks of being a Mac owner that I never seem to find time to take advantage of.

The “N” key on my MacBook Pro wasn’t working reliably. Some research confirmed that MacBooks have a known keyboard problem. A phone session with Apple Support confirmed that I would need to bring my laptop to the Geniuses.

I followed the detailed emailed instructions to prepare my laptop for its trip to the Gardens. I use my laptop every day. I can limp by with my iMac and iPad. Still, giving up my laptop felt a bit disconcerting. The tech hours for my IT department to secure the laptop for service and then reinstall everything after the fact caused a delay on other projects. Given the price of the MacBook Pro, and that the keyboard malfunction is a known issue, all this felt like a rip-off.

I trudged off to the Gardens Mall, ready to console myself with a nice salad in the food court.

I was pleased that the Geniuses were able to keep my appointment time for service. The email I had received from Apple Support told me to bring the computer and its original accessories. The only thing that came with the laptop was its power cord and supply, so I brought that.

The Genius that worked with me had me plug the power cord into the table. When it was clear that the computer would need new parts, he took the power cord in with the computer.

The expected completion date was just a few days away, so I was happy with my visit to the Apple Store.

The expected completion date came and went with no contact from Apple. I called the store to inquire and was told that in the process of fixing the keyboard the Geniuses had broken the display. Now they had to wait for new parts, and I should have my computer back and good as new by the end of the week. I was incredulous, but gracious. Mistakes happen.

Finally, a day later than expected, I received notice that my MacBook Pro was ready for pick up. Joyfully off to the Gardens Mall I went to get my ‘puter and another food court dinner.

Again, I did not have to wait long to get seen by the Genius. However, the Genius brought it back to me without the power cord. When I told her that I needed my power cord, she looked at me like I had two heads. Then she said, “I will see if I can find it,” as if returning it to me was somehow optional.

That’s when I first got testy. “Oh, you will find it”. I said. It’s not as if my computer has any value without the ability to charge it.

She came back with what looked like a used supply and a new cord. That was fine, until I got back to the office and discovered that she had replaced my six-foot cord with a three-foot cord.

I called the Apple Store the next day to explain the problem. I spoke with the administrator who admitted being the one who had given her that new cord. He apologized, saying he hadn’t realized he had given me the wrong cord. He was happy to agree to mail me the right length cord and let me keep the three-footer. Again, I was fine with that. Accidents happen.

I was fine until I read my receipt from the Apple Store which clearly mentioned the three-foot cord. Either the Administrator had openly lied to me and deliberately given me a short cord, or they had scanned it in and paid absolutely no attention to what they were doing.

That wasn’t the worst part, though. In my conversation with him, he tried to place the blame on me by saying that typically, people did not bring their power cords when they brought their laptops for service. I explained that the email said I should, and that the genius took the cord in, when he could have given it back to me and told me to hang on to it. That’s not on me, dude!

My computer is back and functional. The Administrator shipped my cable overnight. That went a long way to make me feel better.

Yet, the entire comedy of errors, from the known shoddy keyboard to the inept repair which caused additional damage, to the power cord switcheroo and the attempt to shift blame might have felt okay for a $500 Walmart computer, but not for one for which I paid three times that.

We pay more for Apple because we are told we are buying excellent quality and superior service. My experience proves neither of these are true all the time.

Yet, that keyboard feels so good under my fingertips. Would a Surface feel as good? The integration between my iPhone, Apple Watch and MacBook is seamless and delightful. Would a PC work as well?

My iMac is unforgiving. One mistake slows it to a snail’s pace, while my tech guy zings along speedily on his $300 PC. Yet the iMac is so cool-looking in its all-in-one silver shiny glory, sitting proudly on its desk.

My Apple computers are like the impossibly good-looking boyfriend who makes your heart pound and melts you with a glance, who forgets to call you and is lousy in bed. All your girlfriends want him, you are the only one who knows the truth of his callousness and ineptitude. Yet, it’s painful to think about giving him up.

Florida Can Create Equality Under the Law

Florida Can Create Equality Under the Law

Join me in supporting equal rights for all.

You may have noticed that I don’t make a lot of public statements about politics. That doesn’t mean I don’t have convictions, ideals and concerns. It means I typically make my convictions, ideals and concerns known by writing to elected officials, donating to organizations whose causes I support and making sure I vote in each and every election for which I am eligible.

My reason for staying quiet about my views is professional. I want everyone to feel comfortable at my table. I have had clients say to me at the end of a session, “Thank you for not bringing politics into our work together.” They tell me that many professionals pepper their readings with opinions about world events. This doesn’t seem like a helpful practice to me.

Today, though, I am breaking my silence for an important issue that feels too obvious not to mention.

Here in the United States women still do not enjoy the protection of equal rights under the law.

Back in the early 1980s I had a job with the National Women’s Political Caucus campaigning for ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment. Our efforts were unsuccessful, by a narrow margin.

Until recently, I had thought that the Equal Rights Amendment was a dead issue. I had also come to believe that perhaps it was no longer necessary. It seemed to me that women had made so many strides forward that perhaps we had achieved that equality after all.

I could not have been more wrong on either point.

The advancements that women have made in the past thirty years are not at all protected by the constitution. Anything we have earned can easily and lawfully be taken away.

There is one memory that is seared indelibly in my brain from my ERA campaigning days. A woman chose not to sign my petition because “her husband allowed her to be equal”. She had no comprehension that, in true equality, there would be no person who could allow or disallow her equality.

I think of my female friends and colleagues, and my daughter. To me their value is equal to those of my male friends and colleagues, my son, and the many men whom I love. I would like the law to reflect this reality. That doesn’t seem like too much to ask.

It turns out that the ERA is not an idea whose time has passed. Only one more state is needed to ratify this amendment. Right now, ratification is on the floor of the state legislature in Florida.

The organization Equal Means Equal is working to support this. If you are in Florida, please read their directives on how you can help make equal rights for all under the law a reality.

If you are in another state, please refer to the Equal Means Equal homepage to see the status of ratification in your own home state.

Let’s work together to make law what is already an obvious reality; that we all have equal personhood.

Using Crystals and Gemstones to Boost Mental Health

The use of crystals, gemstones, and other substances to promote the healing of mind, body, and soul has been prevalent since ancient times. These precious and beautiful gems were used as accessories not only for their aesthetic value but to harness their alleged natural healing potentials as well. Evidence has been found suggesting that ancient Egyptians used specific gemstone recipes for therapeutic and protective purposes.

Employing gemstones and crystals for healing purposes became less popular through the years, but the recent rise of complementary and alternative medicine is bringing the practice back. Using crystals or gems to improve physical and mental health is known as crystal or gemstone therapy. Proponents of this type of traditional therapy believe that all gemstones and crystals transmit certain vibrations and serve as conduits of positive energy.

Gemstones and crystals to improve mental well-being

While scientific evidence supporting the effectiveness of crystals and gemstones is lacking, countless advocates swear that the substances work. It is not surprising that the crystal industry today is now a billion-dollar industry.

In India, the use of gemstones and crystals for health and well-being is part of the practice of a holistic form of care known as Ayurveda medicine. Many people from countries such as the United States also tout the healing properties of crystals and gemstones. If you are interested in trying this type of alternative therapy to improve your psychological and emotional well-being, here are some of the crystals and gemstones that you can consider:

Amethyst

Amethyst is a purple form of quartz that is said to contain purifying, healing, and protective properties. Crystal experts assert that this popular gemstone can help you reduce negative thoughts, address insomnia, and provide relief from stress. People in drug recovery may benefit from the use of amethyst as it is believed to promote sobriety.  

Clear Quartz

True to its translucent and clear appearance, clear quartz stands for the clarity of mind that you aim to achieve with different meditation techniques. Advocates claim that this mineral has the power to boost the body’s energy, improve concentration, and address memory problems. Oftentimes, clear quartz is paired with other crystals to maximize their beneficial effects.

Citrine

Another type of quartz, citrine is one of the most cherished gemstones of all. Its golden, yellowish color is not only beautiful to view, but proponents of the stone say it also brings positive energy in your life. Crystal experts claim that citrine can boost your enthusiasm, promote wonder, and bring joy to every facet of your life. Apart from these mood-enhancing benefits, this crystal can help you remove negative energies such as fear and pessimism. The use of citrine can also help promote mental well-being as it helps improve your mindfulness, concentration, and creativity. 

Rose quartz

If your relationships are causing you emotional distress, rose quartz can help you address this concern, as it is believed to facilitate the renewal of harmonious relationships and trust. When combined with the gemstone red spinel, this pinkish stone can also restore your mental well-being, particularly during times of sustained grief, frustration, or stress.

Jasper 

When you are in need of comfort and uplifting, especially during challenging times, jasper could be your go-to gemstone. Your mental wellness will be at risk if you cannot lift your spirit or nurture your soul. How can jasper help? This smooth stone is believed to absorb negative feelings. At the same time, it may strengthen people's courage and confidence, qualities people need to get through tough times.

Amber

Not technically a gemstone, amber is fossiled resin formed from the solidified sap of a pine tree. This substance is said to have the power to purify your body and spirit from negative energies that may affect your psychological and emotional well-being. Amber is also believed to promote patience, calmness, strength, and kindness.

Aquamarine

One of the primary causes of mental anguish is stress. To relieve stress, you can use aquamarine, the blue-green gemstone that may be in sync with the ocean. This beautiful stone is linked with serenity, cleansing, peace, and meditation. Crystal experts also claim that aquamarine can help people suffering from intense fear or phobias as it promotes tranquility and calmness.

Tiger’s Eye

If you are bogged down with fear and anxiety and are finding it difficult to motivate yourself to work towards your goals, consider using tiger’s eye. Characterized by bands of yellow-golden color, this stone is said to be a powerful motivation booster. Experts claim that this stone can help remove anxious feelings, fear, and even self-doubt, which can help you better pursue your goals in life.

The substances described above are just some of the popular materials considered to improve mental wellness. If you are inclined to try them, you need an open mind. If you are completely doubtful of their effects, they may not be beneficial at all. Ultimately, people who experienced positive results believed that the substances would work.

Adam Durnham is a freelance blogger that specializes in mental health and wellness through holistic techniques. He currently lives in Detroit with his dog Beignet.

Heal and Manifest with Essential Oils

Heal and Manifest with Essential Oils

I was introduced to essential oils in the 1980s. At that time, my interest was metaphysical rather than physical or aesthetic. My friends and I would take the train from New Haven to visit Herman Slater’s famous NYC shop, the Magickal Childe, to purchase oils as we explored new-found magical knowledge; that we might have some ability to control our circumstances and manifest our desires.

Fast-forward to 2019. Now, many people understand the Law of Attraction, and high-quality essential oils are routinely used for physical and emotional healing. The disconnect I see is that often, essential oil enthusiasts don’t understand or remember that what heals our body can also enhance our intuition and work with the energy around us to manifest our needs and desires.

In order to address this disconnect, yoga studio owner Robin Brace and I are presenting an ongoing occasional series of workshops that explore the intuitive and magical properties of these powerful oils.

Here are the oils we featured in our most recent workshop, presented at True Bikram Yoga in New Haven, CT, on April 7, 2019. The first five were our featured oils, which we experienced through ingestion, diffusion and anointing as we explored their effects on intuition and meditation.

We offered the second group specifically for use in a candle manifestation exercise.

If you couldn’t join us for this great workshop, you can explore these popular oils on your own.

Featured Oils

Eucalyptus, in healing, is a broad-spectrum anti-microbial. Use eucalyptus to help with respiratory issues, and to boost your immune system.

Invoking the element of Air, eucalyptus clears and focuses the mind. Use eucalyptus to release obsessive and intrusive thoughts, and for psychic protection.

In manifestation work, use eucalyptus to bring physical and mental protection.

Ginger is anti-inflammatory. Use it to strengthen the immune system and soothe an upset stomach.

Ginger invokes the element of Fire, stimulating Kundalini energy.

In manifestation work, ginger adds speed to any intention. Use ginger to add passion to existing relationships in need of a boost.

Cardamom is an expectorant. It is both antibacterial and antiviral.

Invoking the element of Water, cardamom opens the heart, relaxes the body and clarifies the mind.

Cardamom stimulates attraction, lust and eloquence. Use it to charm a would-be lover or captivate an audience.

Myrrh is a remedy for coughs, colds, indigestion and skin blemishes.

Myrrh is considered feminine, and has qualities of Earth, Water and, to some extent, Fire. Use myrrh to create sacred space, and for purification. It assists with meditation and the release of negativity. Myrrh helps with psychic development and spiritual attunement.

Myrrh will strengthen any intention, and help you access your own magickal energy.

Copaiba can reduce pain, lower blood pressure, speed healing and tighten the skin.

Copaiba quiets the mind. Use it to enhance intuition and introspection. This oil enhances dreamwork and psychic visions.

Use copaiba to draw love and prosperity, and to add power to any intention.

To assist in manifesting your intentions, try these herbs.

Bergamot will draw wealth and luck in money. You can also use bergamot to lift your mood and your confidence.

Oregano will help you forget old lovers, heal from heartache and release grief.

Geranium will open your heart to love and release anxiety and anger.

Clary Sage improves mediumship and increases clairvoyance.

Lavender draws love and healing. It will bring a calm energy to any situation.

Our planet offers us so many opportunities for healing of body, mind and spirit. The recent accessibility and popularity of high-quality essential oils is a boon to those of us interested in taking control of our wellbeing on every level.

Seven Ways to Heal from a Breakup That Don't Involve Ice Cream

Seven Ways to Heal from a Breakup

That Don't Involve Ice Cream

It’s no surprise that something I see a lot at my tarot table is the pain that comes from the end of a relationship; especially when it wasn’t our choice, or when we didn’t see it coming. This is a pain that is familiar to most of us. In life, it is practically unavoidable. Breakups happen to everyone – young people, old people, straight people, gay people – everybody.  

After more than twenty years of professional tarot reading, I can see some common themes that emerge from the cards when helping people handle their grief and upset after a breakup. Here are seven things the cards often suggest that always seem to help. Whether or not you use tarot or have a reading to help process a breakup, these strategies reflect universal wisdom that anyone experiencing a breakup can find helpful. 

1. Recognize that connection, chemistry and coincidences do not determine nor predict healthy relationships. 

That you share a birthday or have great sex or feel some sense of spiritual connection does not necessarily mean that you are destined to be together. Very often people have a hard time getting closure and moving on because they spiritualize the relationship, and tell themselves a story that they belong together, or are fated to be together. 

Truly, if there is such a thing as a “fated” relationship, no force on earth will keep you apart. You can get closure now and know the Universe will bring you back together if it is indeed meant to be. In the meantime, stop telling yourself stories that suggest your breakup is somehow wrong, or impossible, or against some greater spiritual plan. 

2. Be willing to consider that you are not truly in love with this person, and maybe never have been. 

Very often we fall in love with our idea of someone, rather than the reality of who they are. We see the potential, rather than the reality. Focusing on the reality of who the person actually is, or how the relationship actually was, can make it much easier to let it go. 

3. Don’t worry if your ex has a bad opinion of you or blames you for what is clearly their fault. 

Sometimes we are ready to let the relationship go but hate the way our ex perceives us and our actions. We worry that they will trash-talk us to our friends and family, or that they are walking away believing bad things about us, unable to see their part in the problem. 

The trick here is recognizing that we can’t be responsible for what other people think and believe, and that if someone can’t see our side of the situation that makes them an a-hole, and we can’t be upset by what a-holes think. 

Also recognize that if they do trash-talk us that will make them look like bigger a-holes than we do, no matter what they may say, or to whom. 

4. Allow yourself to see now what you wouldn’t allow yourself to see before. 

In a relationship we try to focus on the good things and ignore the bad, right? After the breakup it’s important to review the things we didn’t want to look at during the relationship. When we do, we will very often come to the conclusion that we’ve dodged a bullet. 

5. Erase the negative mental tapes. 

Chances are, over the course of the relationship, and perhaps especially during the breakup, your ex has said some critical or negative things about you or has cast some blame your way. It’s important to own your part and learn what you can from the experience, but don’t let your ex’s perceptions, deflections, projections or angry words define who you are or how you see yourself going forward. 

6. Know that love is possible, that hearts heals, and that it’s okay to be open to something new. 

It’s easy to tell ourselves stories that we don’t want anyone else, that love isn’t worth the risk, and that we are better off alone. And, it’s okay to embrace being single and enjoy the beauty and freedom of the single lifestyle. But remember that love was never the reason for your relationship’s failure. Love still exists, is still possible for you, and is still a reasonable goal. 

7. Do a Cord-Cutting Ritual 

Whether you see this as an actual energetic healing or simply a psychological exercise, the act of physically cutting a string that represents the connection between you and your ex can be extremely helpful. You might need to perform this more than once. To learn more about how to do this, you can read my earlier blogpost on this topic.  

Healing from a breakup is hard. The standard wisdom offers us little more than ice cream, shopping and spa days. A bit of self-care and self-indulgence can go a long way to help in healing. However, true healing comes when we change what we’ve been telling ourselves and reframe our perspective.