People-Pleasing Isn’t Pleasant

Tarot Topics Community News
Written By Christiana Gaudet

A man overwhelmed by demands.

We often describe people-pleasers as those who prioritize the needs of others over their own to their own detriment.

I do not think this is an accurate description of people-pleasing because there are many times when it is appropriate to make the needs of others more important than our own, even when that incurs risk. Parents, soldiers, and first responders regularly sacrifice themselves for others because it is part of the job.

People-pleasers will often think of themselves as kind and generous and may indeed be so. Yet, people-pleasing is not helpful to anyone in the long run.

I believe that people-pleasing is very often borne of trauma. People who need to do for others constantly may be driven to prove their worth to themselves and others. People-pleasers may not have felt unconditionally loved as children, so they must do whatever it takes to get love and approval. People-pleasers may not have learned to have boundaries and say no, and thus are always at the mercy of the whims of others.

It is uncomfortable for people-pleasers to change their habits, but it is also very healing.

The first important step is to understand that when we do for others in a people-pleasing way, we aren’t being genuine and authentic. We often resent and wish we were not compelled to do all we are doing. When we go overboard doing for others, we are not trying to please anyone; we are trying to fill an empty place within ourselves or trying to avoid our own responsibility to heal by helping others instead.

When we do too much for others, we place an unfair burden on those we think we are pleasing. The only people who will be pleased by our ministrations are those who are empty inside and hoping to be filled by our attention.

We often try to please others because we feel guilty when we focus on our own needs.

It is easy to see how these behaviors and thought patterns might develop in certain family systems. When we look past the behaviors and find the wounds from which they spring, we have the opportunity to heal and to create healthy and mutually beneficial relationships.

The StaarCon 5 Imagining of Pixie Arcana. Art and composition by Stacey Williams-Ng, backgrounds by Animix.

The StaarCorner

StaarCon 2024 AfterGlow

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Scheduled StaarCon presenter Dionne C. Monsanto.

A woman thoughtfully getting ready to read her cards.

A Two-Card Relationship Spread

Here is a simple two-card spread to help see whether we can help each other appropriately and whether a relationship is balanced.

Focus on any relationship. The first question is, “What does this person need from me right now?”

When you pull the card and interpret it, give some thought to whether this need feels reasonable and whether you want to be available to fill this need.

The second question is, “What do I need from this person?” When you pull and interpret this card, consider what you know about the history of the relationship and this person’s proven ability to fill this need.

Look at the two cards and see how they work together. How does that reflect the energy of this relationship?

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From Around the Web

I was interested to find this in-depth article about cultural and literary references to tarot.

I truly dislike seeing misunderstandings of divination in popular film and television. I was happy to see this article from People magazine about what the movie Tarot got wrong about tarot and astrology.

Emerald Lotus has a tarot spread to help us stop people-pleasing.

The seven chakras are shown on a woman at the beach.

The seven chakras are shown on a woman at the beach.

Making Magic

People-pleasing is essentially a self-esteem and self-worth issue.

There are many magical ways to help bolster our self-esteem and understand our value. One of the simplest is to work with the first three chakras.

The first chakra, often called the root or base chakra, deals with our most essential connection to earth. This is where we recognize our right to be where we are and that we deserve and can find the resources we need.

The second chakra, or sacral chakra, is where we are connected to family. It is generally our family that inadvertently trains us to become people-pleasers. Here, we can understand and heal family traumas and learn to feel safe with trusted people.

The third chakra, or solar plexus, is the seat of our will. When we are constantly motivated by the will of others, it is hard for us to know our own will. When we can acknowledge our goals and desires and feel confident to pursue them, we act from a place of self-esteem and self-worth.

There are many ways to support, heal, and strengthen the chakras. A simple daily meditation to bring energy and awareness to your first three chakras will help you quell people-pleasing tendencies and encourage your personal strength and determination.

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Christiana Gaudet at the American Tarot Association Regional Convention, July 2001.

About Christiana Gaudet

Card and Craft, Inc.
Southeastern Tarot Artists and Readers, LLC.

Christiana Gaudet

3559 SW Corporate Parkway
Palm City, Florida 34990-8152

Email cgaudet@cardandcraft.com
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Call toll free 866-99TAROT (866-998-2768)
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Tarot Topics Newsletter
Volume 7 Issue 33
August 14, 2024

Christiana Gaudet Your Tarot Fairy Godmother banner.

Christiana Gaudet Your Tarot Fairy Godmother banner.

Christiana Gaudet

Christiana has been a full-time tarot professional for more than twenty years, and is the author of two books about tarot. In 2008, Christiana was granted the title of Tarot Grandmaster by the Tarot Certification Board of America. Christiana provides readings by phone, Facetime and Skype, and in her office in Palm City, Florida.

https://christianagaudet.com
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