People-Pleasing Isn’t Pleasant
A man overwhelmed by demands.
We often describe people-pleasers as those who prioritize the needs of others over their own to their own detriment.
I do not think this is an accurate description of people-pleasing because there are many times when it is appropriate to make the needs of others more important than our own, even when that incurs risk. Parents, soldiers, and first responders regularly sacrifice themselves for others because it is part of the job.
People-pleasers will often think of themselves as kind and generous and may indeed be so. Yet, people-pleasing is not helpful to anyone in the long run.
I believe that people-pleasing is very often borne of trauma. People who need to do for others constantly may be driven to prove their worth to themselves and others. People-pleasers may not have felt unconditionally loved as children, so they must do whatever it takes to get love and approval. People-pleasers may not have learned to have boundaries and say no, and thus are always at the mercy of the whims of others.
It is uncomfortable for people-pleasers to change their habits, but it is also very healing.
The first important step is to understand that when we do for others in a people-pleasing way, we aren’t being genuine and authentic. We often resent and wish we were not compelled to do all we are doing. When we go overboard doing for others, we are not trying to please anyone; we are trying to fill an empty place within ourselves or trying to avoid our own responsibility to heal by helping others instead.
When we do too much for others, we place an unfair burden on those we think we are pleasing. The only people who will be pleased by our ministrations are those who are empty inside and hoping to be filled by our attention.
We often try to please others because we feel guilty when we focus on our own needs.
It is easy to see how these behaviors and thought patterns might develop in certain family systems. When we look past the behaviors and find the wounds from which they spring, we have the opportunity to heal and to create healthy and mutually beneficial relationships.
The StaarCon 5 Imagining of Pixie Arcana. Art and composition by Stacey Williams-Ng, backgrounds by Animix.
The StaarCorner
StaarCon 2024 AfterGlow
María Alviz Hernando had to reschedule her August lounge event due to internet issues. Her new date is Saturday, August 24, at 5 pm. Join her then to learn a 36-card tarot reading technique!
StaarCon 5
Dionne C. Monsanto will join us at StaarCon 5! At StaarCon 2024, she shared some West African song and dance with us during the Bardic Circle. At StaarCon 5, we are excited to announce that Dionne will teach West African dance as a presentation in our ‘calm and quiet’ room. I doubt very much that Dionne’s session will be calm or quiet, but it will be fun and meaningful.
Get your StaarCon 5 ticket now, and plan to join us as we explore all the ways that spirit moves us.
The early bird special ends September 1, so get your StaarCon tickets now!
Early Bird Special: Use code STAARFAN5 at checkout and receive $25 off a full conference ticket!
Scheduled StaarCon presenter Dionne C. Monsanto.
A woman thoughtfully getting ready to read her cards.
A Two-Card Relationship Spread
Here is a simple two-card spread to help see whether we can help each other appropriately and whether a relationship is balanced.
Focus on any relationship. The first question is, “What does this person need from me right now?”
When you pull the card and interpret it, give some thought to whether this need feels reasonable and whether you want to be available to fill this need.
The second question is, “What do I need from this person?” When you pull and interpret this card, consider what you know about the history of the relationship and this person’s proven ability to fill this need.
Look at the two cards and see how they work together. How does that reflect the energy of this relationship?
Queens of Tarot Webinar Livestream on YouTube - August 15 @ 7 pm.
The Week in Review
If you missed our Global Tarot Circle meeting on YouTube Live, you can watch the replay.
Tomorrow evening, we will have a free class on YouTube Live inspired by ‘The Summer of Roaring Women’ and requested during a Global Tarot Circle.
Join us for The Queens of Tarot. We will explore the four Queens, the High Priestess, and the Empress to discover what tarot says about womanhood and the feminine divine.
From Around the Web
I was interested to find this in-depth article about cultural and literary references to tarot.
I truly dislike seeing misunderstandings of divination in popular film and television. I was happy to see this article from People magazine about what the movie Tarot got wrong about tarot and astrology.
Emerald Lotus has a tarot spread to help us stop people-pleasing.
The seven chakras are shown on a woman at the beach.
Making Magic
People-pleasing is essentially a self-esteem and self-worth issue.
There are many magical ways to help bolster our self-esteem and understand our value. One of the simplest is to work with the first three chakras.
The first chakra, often called the root or base chakra, deals with our most essential connection to earth. This is where we recognize our right to be where we are and that we deserve and can find the resources we need.
The second chakra, or sacral chakra, is where we are connected to family. It is generally our family that inadvertently trains us to become people-pleasers. Here, we can understand and heal family traumas and learn to feel safe with trusted people.
The third chakra, or solar plexus, is the seat of our will. When we are constantly motivated by the will of others, it is hard for us to know our own will. When we can acknowledge our goals and desires and feel confident to pursue them, we act from a place of self-esteem and self-worth.
There are many ways to support, heal, and strengthen the chakras. A simple daily meditation to bring energy and awareness to your first three chakras will help you quell people-pleasing tendencies and encourage your personal strength and determination.
Two Cards Tarot Webinar Livestream on YouTube - August 22 @ 7 pm.
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Thursday Noon: Tarot Topics Newsletter Recap
Friday Noon: Your Friday Weekly Wrap-up
Saturday 12:30 pm: Saturday Psychic Sampler
Card and Craft Academy
Classes presented by Christiana are available right now at Card and Craft Academy!
Christiana’s Candle Magick
Christiana’s Eleven-Card Celtic Cross
Finding Meaning in the Minor Arcana
The Major Arcana, Magical and Mundane
Practical Tarot Techniques
Psychic Tarot
Personal Tarot: Reading for Yourself
Sharing Wisdom: Reading for Others
The Meaning and Magic of Tarot Reversals
Journey Through the Major Arcana
Your Journey Through the Minor Arcana: Numbers, Elements and Truth
Tarot Beyond the Veil
Your Journey Through the Tarot Court
Tarot Stories, Trends, and Blends
Tarot Readings for Personalities and Relationships
Clarity in Every Tarot Card
Tarot Flow Workshop
Making Magick with Tarot
Fearless Wisdom Tarot Workshop
Tarot Keywords and Interpretations Workshop
Tarot Spreads Tools and Techniques Workshop
Tarot for Magic and Mediumship
Tarot Communication for Clarity and Depth
Weaving the Tarot Reading Story
The Elemental Major Arcana
Minor Arcana Numbers, Elements, and Truth
Personal Healing with Tarot
Create and Interpret Custom Tarot Spreads
What the Court Cards Want You to Know
How Spirit Speaks Through Tarot
Catch up on your missed Zoom webinars and more!
Christiana Gaudet at the American Tarot Association Regional Convention, July 2001.
About Christiana Gaudet
Card and Craft, Inc.
Southeastern Tarot Artists and Readers, LLC.
Christiana Gaudet
3559 SW Corporate Parkway
Palm City, Florida 34990-8152
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Tarot Topics Newsletter
Volume 7 Issue 33
August 14, 2024
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